Category: Trauma

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The dawn of a new kind of approach to counselling & therapy

Something that has been bothering me for a long time about the Counselling and psychology approach- with their 50min appointment model- is that it has been influenced by the “ medical model” system of healthcare.

The Problem with this model is that it’s in a practitioner’s best interest to keep the Client ‘not quite well’. Because if they become well they are no longer client/patient any more.

Cynical – I know.

It’s why we see doctors in the medical system in general, not teaching ‘food as medicine’ as a very first line of treatment.

It’s why we have individual specialties rather than holistic approaches in the medical system.

And it is why we have doctors that treat ‘the head’ rather than ‘the whole’ in psychiatry.

I do know that there are plenty of incredible doctors who are holistic in approach and who advocate food as medicine and movement as medicine and meditation as medicine and yoga as medicine and rest as medicine and herbs as medicine. I could go on and on with many ways that the things around us can become medicine rather than actual pharma.

However this is the exception to the rule.



So this brings me back to my issue with treating people in the counselling/psych space from a two dimensional approach based upon an outdated model from Freud (who was a medical doctor, graduated in 1881. Was not allowed to train as a psychiatrist as he was a Jew and this wasn’t permitted in Austria at the time).

The god father of modern psychology never completed a psychology degree and yet his influence lives on in our modern clinic couches.

Have you ever been in a psych/counseling appt and sure enough 49mins into your session your therapist’s eyes are darting to their clock, cleverly placed in their line of sight…?

50mins- ‘right so let’s summarise where we are at today’

55mins- ‘how are you paying?’

58mins- ‘’same time next week?”

60mins -out the door.

Rinse. Repeat. 8 patients per day.

5 days per week.

It just doesn’t feel right to me.

If you’ve ever had a session with me it’s likely we ran ‘over’ time.

But we didn’t really.

We took all the time that was required.

It’s because right on 49mins you let your guard down. You mentioned something significant. Or difficult. Or something you’ve never told anyone before.

You got the words out.

You let the tears fall.

You sat with the pain .

You allowed the feelings to rise.

There’s no way I’m going to hurry you up and tell you ‘hold that thought- let’s bring it up again next week and go thru it all again. Meanwhile how about you push it all back down, and mask your feelings for another week. Time’s up!”

That’s my issue with the medical model approach to therapy.

It doesn’t fit with our nervous system. Or our internal dialogue. Or our internal feelings of safety. This can’t be set to a time limit.

As an energy healer as well as a counsellor and coach I spend time with each client working gently thru a mass of energy and emotions and beliefs. I never know exactly when breakthrough will happen. But I have an inkling about it ????

That’s why I’ve changed how I work with my clients.

For years now I’ve preferred working with you in a ‘package’ arrangement.

You buy 3,6,10 sessions upfront.

Because this shows a commitment to healing.

(It can get very draining doing ‘one off’ sessions all the time. We are stuck with only dealing with the crisis- never going deeper to release what causes you to get into crisis over and over.)

But now Ive changed the game again!

I’m now only working with clients on a monthly commitment approach.

You. And. Me. One month.

Let’s do this. Total focus.

Unlimited sessions. Yes. That’s right.

No time limit.

No session limit.

You need a daily message? You got it.

You need weekly sessions? Ok lock it in.

You need homework? I’m here for it.

You need accountability? Alrighty then.

Why am I doing coaching like this now?

Because it gets results faster than any other approach I’ve been taught or experienced myself!

Twenty years in private practice. I’ve learned what gets the best results- consistently showing up and having someone in your corner while you navigate new steps and make aligned changes.

It takes dedication and commitment and patience and trust to heal.

That’s why I’m changing how we do treatments and applying an holistic approach- mind body soul. And we need time for that. Not a time limit.

Are you wanting real long lasting change for your life?

Let’s talk.

Belle

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It’s time to reset your nervous system and thrive

polyvagal theory explains the vagus nerve and the fight or flight response

Working long hours, family demands, financial challenges, and of course maintaining relationships, whilst caring for those you love – can all take its toll on your nervous system .
Many women find their cycle becomes affected, and fatigue is a common symptom of a stressed out adult!

Talking therapies only work until a point, exercising can sometimes further burn you out, and over indulging may become more common that you would like.
Perhaps it is time for a system reset to get you back in control of your life?

What is the Vagus nerve and why is it important?

The Vagus nerve is the 10th pair of cranial nerves that originate in the brain stem and travel down past the oesophagus, past the heart and lungs, and plunges deep into the abdomen.

  • It has a motor function – stimulates muscles in the pharynx, larynx, and soft palate; and stimulates muscles in the heart, where it plays a role in lowering resting heart rate.
  • It has a sensory function – sensation behind the ears and parts of the larynx (voice box).
  • It also has a visceral function where it monitors the internal organ environment, supplying information for the larynx, esophagus, lungs, trachea, heart, and most of the digestive area.

The autonomic nervous system comprises both the sympathetic (fight or flight) and the parasympathetic (rest and digest) branches.
The parasympathetic nervous system allows the body to relax and rest, and to assimilate the food you eat. The body will find it difficult to move into a restful state when it is sick, under mental pressure and strain, or when it is exhausted. It is for this reason that stress management and energy healing is so important. It is impertive to a healthy body and mind.

When the vagus nerve becomes dysregulated or weak, you will struggle to tap into your rest and digest state. This may lead to feelings of stress and anxiety, with varied external and internal signs and symptoms :

  • Anxiety and depression
  • Aggression
  • Emotional dysregulation
  • Indecision
  • Chronic inflammation
  • Difficulty concentrating or brain fog
  • Dizziness or fainting
  • Chronic pain (particularly gut)
self massage can be helpful to reset your vagal tone, you will learn how to do this in your session with Belle

The Polyvagal Theory

Developed by Dr Stephen Porges, the Polyvagal Theory explains the nervous system feedback in a loop to the brain’s command centre, instructing it to be on alert (fight or flight) or relaxed (rest and digest). In short, it is all about safety.
If the brain interpets the feedback and decides the body is not safe, then the heart will beat faster, blood pressure will rise and digestion will not be a priority. Conversely, if the brain deems the body safe, then the opposite effect will happen.

In today’s busy stress filled world. it is easy to forget to process, or release built up stress and tension. It is not uncommon to use food or alcohol, or sexual behaviour to distract from pain, grief, hurt, failure or shame.

When the body is always feeling negative emotions and stress, it can leave a lasting impression of anxiety or depression, and chronic fatigue or PTSD can result.

It is time to hit the reset button

Nervous System Balance program is for people who are feeling the effects of too much stress and not enough rest, and who want to start thriving again.

The program is designed to be completed over 6-8 weeks, and involves 6 x 90min balancing sessions.

No two sessions are the same, and with personalised, simple to follow daily routines of movement, breathwork and meditation tools balance can be restored to the nervous system.

What to expect
A series of sessions you will attend via zoom, that will include mindset coaching, as well as polyvagal theory-inspired exercises, to bring yourself back into balance.

With a nervous system reset you will:

– sleep better

– feel more calm

– feel more in control of your life

– enjoy improvement in your relationships

– get your mojo back

– enjoy life again

Working on releasing stored stress, reducing the mental chatter and developing routines around building safety within the body are the cornerstone for calming the nervous system.

This program is a reset, that will produce better quality of life and habits that will serve you for a lifetime. No matter what the challenges are that you face, movement, meditation and mindfulness will be appropriate.

Book here
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Soul fragments: how to put yourself back together

Feeling numb, disconnected, exhausted, apathetic, resentful? Perhaps life is feeling like it is too hard, and like it is always an uphill battle? 

When you are disconnected from your soul, in two or many pieces, it can feel like the life you knew or always thought you would have is never going to eventuate.

Some refer to this as a dark night of the soul, but it is a deeper and more intense experience than this. When the soul begins to fragment, you are as a greater risk of losing yourself altogether and it is a long journey home to retrieve all these parts you have lost. 

In traditional counseling/ psychology terms, we would call it an existential crisis whereby a person may be catapulted into questioning “why am I here” or “what is this all for?” out of a response to a significant life change (such as divorce, death of a partner, loss of a job, global pandemic). However, it goes deeper than a mere “mid-life crisis” or a questioning, when the soul has fragmented. It goes to a place of questioning (at least unconsciously) “why do I exist?” or even “do I exist?”

The degree to what one will experience when one’s soul has fragmented is determined in part by the degree to how much has indeed fragmented or split. But also, it will depend on which parts have split from the whole and how much this will cause turmoil or angst in the person experiencing it. 

How does a soul fragment?

Pain, trauma, neglect, abuse, arguments, ungroundedness, mental health issues, ADHD, constant anxiety, phobias, history of depression – can all influence the degree to which a person will experience soul fragmentation. A pattern of coping will always be the first sign that soul fragmentation has begun: drinking, drugs, and risky behaviour (the usual suspects in younger years). One-off situations can cause soul fragmentation, however, it is more likely that it will be repeated behaviours that lead to the most destruction. This is why it is so hard to get off the merry-go-round once it has gained momentum. 

These poor choices may extend into unstable employment, possibly lead to crime, or at the very least, making very poor choices that result in consequences that are difficult to move through, let alone past. 

Then what happens is you forever need to re-face the shame, and guilt associated with poor choices that were resultant from the depth of pain, despair, anger, frustration, guilt you were feeling back then, in that moment that you made poor choices to begin with. 

The cycle is vicious and never-ending and will inevitably lead to more parts of yourself splitting and detaching from the whole of who you are. 

The whole is made up of the sum of its parts

In order to understand the “whole,” let me explain who you are. You are an energetic being that is having an experience in this body, in this world, in this lifetime. You are a celestial accident with odds at 1 in 102,685,000 that you exist. However, here you are! 

We experience Deja Vu (when you feel like you’ve been somewhere before), you shiver (did someone really walk all over your grave?), you have inherent skills that you’re good at without any training (I was always good at massage therapy, right from when I was young – with no idea why I “knew” how to treat pain, I just “knew”). Some of you are inherently intuitive. You know things. And coincidences always happen to you. Some of you have such bad luck all the time. Like it follows you around. And some have felt extremely blessed like everything they touch turns to gold (I once worked with a client who told me he’d fucked a fairy. He was a multi-millionaire.)

I have worked with hundreds of clients and taken them through past life regressions or seen their past lives through their healing sessions. I “know” there is more than one life we get to live – because I have seen it and heard people re-telling their stories with passion, emotion, and great detail (to which they are super surprised – it blows their minds!) 

And this is how I know that we have many parts of our souls that make up the whole of who we are. 

The fragmenting

We come into this life with unfinished business  – or unresolved energy – from another lifetime. Sometimes that lifetime is on this earth, and sometimes it isn’t. I believe some of the inherent skills are not accumulated in this earthly place. These skills are from another dimension. The more negative aspects – the ‘bad karma’, the unlucky, the poor circumstances, the destruction, the pain – I believe this is unresolved energy from another earthly lifetime. And these energies can cause a lot of pain in this lifetime and ultimately be a vehicle to learn many lessons if you want to. 

When a person begins to fragment parts of their soul, it is due to an unacceptance of the energy they hold and what lessons need to be learned to resolve it. It is usually painful to resolve the energy. And this is why we resort to alcohol, sex, drugs, risky behaviour, and choosing the wrong partners – it is all part of the drama that keeps you distracted from the soul pain you are feeling in the first place. It is impossible to resolve soul energy when you are distracted in the earthly ‘pleasures’ (or pains). 

The further you go into the pain of this lifetime, the harder it becomes to turn things around because you have begun to split from the initial “whole” you entered this world as. It then becomes a quest or a soul journey to find your way back to all of who you are. Not leaving any part behind – even the parts you wish weren’t there. This is the hardest part – complete self-acceptance. 

The Parts

The parts of you make up are all who you are. And to wish some of them didn’t exist, or to banish those parts and pretend they don’t exist is the ultimate disservice and self-hatred. A large part of the healing journey will require that you accept all those parts of you – even the ones you are ashamed of – and to welcome them back with loving arms. This can take years or a lifetime. Or never. It will ultimately determine your happiness or contentment. This explains why some people can have everything you could imagine but still be depressed and deeply unhappy. 

Some parts will be easy to accept – like your generous heart, ability to make people feel comfortable, solution-focused mind, and inherent ability to see the good in people. But other parts, such as your emotional reactivity, your anger towards your parents, your judgments, your proclivities, your fantasies, your biases, will be less palatable to accept.

You will make unconscious choices from these less-palatable parts. You will do things or say things that you are not proud of. If you keep doing them, you will experience the consequences. And it often doesn’t feel good. This feeling of shame or regret will then propel you to keep making bad choices or say things that arent in alignment with your highest good and purpose. And so you fall further short of where you “think” you should be. 

Its a slippery slope. 

So how do you stop sliding and come back to alignment? (please read on, but promise me you will have patience for yourself in this!)

How to come back home to yourself

The first step is that you are aware that you are sliding, or on the roller coaster of doom. YOU have to notice that life isn’t turning out how you expected it to. Or the way you think it “should”. From here, you can notice what your unconscious expectations have always been. Counselors will often get you into your childhood because we can uncover the schemas you are measuring and living your life by. It’s an interesting journey to mentally re-investigate. However, it is only half the story. 

You have to begin soul-retrieval practices that call those parts of you home that have fragmented and left the safety and sanctity of the whole of all that you are. 

This process can take months, years or even a lifetime.  And it is not for the faint-hearted. There will be pain. It is inevitable, however, most humans are averse to pain and try to avoid it at all costs (remember the alcohol, drugs, and risky behaviours!)

I suggest that when you are ready to begin the process of soul retrieval, you connect with a healer to help support you on the journey. Give yourself some time – usually 12 weeks is a good amount of time to begin with – that you will allow your focus to be on this one particular area of your spiritual journey. Invest in a journal. Dedicate time each day for spiritual practice. And always finish your day by calling back your soul fragments before you go to sleep. 

How you do this, and what you do is entirely up to you. Your Soul already knows what you need in order to recover your Parts, but your mind may want a particular routine or structure to follow. 

Gratitude Journalling

A deeper practice of soul retrieval can come through daily gratitude journalling. This is a well-researched practice, that has been proven to improve mood stability, a sense of greater meaning and purpose. This gentle act of self love every day can help you to improve your ability to focus on that which is important to you, and that which brings you joy. The more you train your conscious mind to focus on the good things, the more you will notice the good things (no matter how small they may be).
Belle has created a Gratitude Journal that coaches you through the process over a period of weeks or months.

The Practice:

Upon waking:
“I call in all parts of me that have fragmented and not returned home after my sleep” 

Within 1hr of waking:
Journal about what your goals for the day are (spend 5mins) 

Within 1hr of sleeping:
practice gentle breathwork and yin yoga to prepare the body for sleep (10-30mins) 
Spend a few moments contemplating what you are grateful for on this day

As you close your eyes:
“I now call all parts of me that have fragmented and ask that they return to the unity of all that I am. May all parts of me be held by my higher consciousness as I return to myself.”

Need more help?

To get started, simply book a healing session and together you will create a plan that your soul can settle into and find comfort within. Including bespoke meditations, yoga and breathwork practices.

Book here
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How to Let Go (for good)

“How do you let things go Belle?

I have tried so hard and I just cant seem to do it.”

-many clients

I get asked this on a weekly basis by people with warm, loving hearts, who have been hurt, disappointed, let down, and treated badly by the people in their life that meant something to them.

How do you let it go?

All the nasty words.

All the careless mistakes.

All the accusations.

All the time-wasting.

All the sucking the air out of the room.

All the thankless times.

How?

You just decided that enough is enough.

Your thoughts will continue to “think you” if you don’t start catching them as they arise. You will find yourself down the rabbit hole within seconds if you keep playing out the scenarios of what they did (or didnt) do, in your head.

Have you ever had THAT conversation with them, in your car, or in the mirror? Saying all the RIGHT things you SHOULD have said at the time! To REALLY show them YOU CANT BE TREATED LIKE THIS ANYMORE !!!!

Yeah. Most of us have been there at least once. If not a hundred times. You are acting subconsciously in those moments when someone is taking advantage of you, but you dont speak up. Or when you let something slide, only to feel it festering later after they have gone. OR when you get that feeling in your gut that something isnt right, but you ignore it.

Time doesnt heal – it simply pushes down your feelings to be triggered by someone else, or to fester and rise at an unwelcome time. Intentional healing heals.

It means you make a decision to not allow those thoughts air time anymore. When they come up, you acknowledge and then evaluate what is in your control. I will take you thru the steps of the #AASERTmethod of coaching on how you might tackle this major self-sabotage issue that many people go thru:

Step 1: Acknowledgeonce you identify what is happening you can then begin the process of change.

Step 2: Accept the past happened. It did. Accept it. Just stay in this place for a second. (Don’t worry, we will move on, but for now, just accept that this person DID say or do what they did. you cannot change it.

Step 3: Surrender
Give OVER. Don’t give IN. Sit within the feelings, be with them, don’t resist that they are there. Honour your feelings. Completely. Without reservation. You are angry. Feel it
You are hurt. Feel it.
You are sad. Feel it.
You are feeling what truly is. but your feelings aren’t necessarily “truth”.
There IS a BIG difference. (if you don’t know the difference between “truth” and what you are feeling being “true to you” then we can work at this step to free you from the myths of “truth”. (They are a huge sabotage issue that can keep you stuck).

Step 4: Evaluate what is in your control
Can you change the past? No. Accept it happened.
Can you change them? No. accept this is what they did/said.
Can you say something? Yes
Can you choose to ignore? Yes
Can you change how you respond to it if it happens again? Yes
Can you change their behaviour when you respond? No.
Can you control your triggers? Yes (good) No (then THIS is where we work together to release them)

Step 5: Reframe how you think about it(this is the real step of healing in the process)When you look at the issue without emotion, you can see a different point of view.
What have you learned about yourself? (triggers? preferences? values?)
What have you learned about them? (they’re human. They aren’t perfect. They are acting off their own values, triggers and desires.)
What have you realised is most important in this situation? (to be right, to be heard, to be apologised to, to forgive? to move forward? to move past it? to release the friendship?
Learning is the path to healing. Learn the lesson and you won’t keep having to repeat it.

Step 6: Trust (yourself) Trust (the process)
Once you have made it thru and learned the lessons then you will be free to use the #AASERTmethod quickly and easily when anything comes up for you. Trusting is NOT about having no issues, it is about knowing what to do when the issues arise. The more you clear the energy around what has been coming up, the less you will attract. The less it will come up.
When you have been through a situation that has shaken you to your core, you may not trust yourself in the beginning…but using the AASERT method, it will re-empower you and your trust in self again.

Healing takes time. The AASERT method gives you a tool to help you gain the confidence to self-heal and to be your own coach. I use both Emotion Code to release the emotions and also AASERT in my Accountability Coaching sessions in order to FAST TRACK you into an empowered place of which to move forward and ultimately LET GO!

Want to get started and save over $150 – get on it! Let that shit go and start THRIVING again!

Book your Package here

Your Fast Start package includes 45min initial coaching session plus 3 x 30min sessions to keep you on track for a month.
Each session is to be taken 1 week apart where possible (max 10 days). This will keep you motivated and committed to reaching your goals.

Why have a coach?

Because if you could have done it alone by now you would have!
A quick month of coaching could save you hundreds of hours in time wasted or money lost.

Why coach with Belle?
Belle is a woman who goes after what she wants, is a straight talker and can see through any self-sabotage blocks. She has been coaching men and women to help them achieve their own unique successes in all areas of their life since 2012.
With Belle on your side, you are assured of success. She will offer you clear guidelines for you to work towards in order to go after what you are wanting, and see real results.

What areas can I receive coaching in?

Belle is an expert in helping healers, counsellors, massage therapists, kinesiologists, nutritionists and yogis who are wanting to start their business, or start over (in a more productive and focused way).

She has 16yrs experience in social media, branding, mindset and marketing for a self employed healer. She will bring her personal experience as well as industry knowledge to help you reach your goals.

Belle can also help you to take control of your personal life, in terms of career or relationships or health and wellbeing.

Anything you are wanting to focus upon, Belle will give you the tools, the feedback and direction you need to make it happen.

You can be assured that you will receive the mentoring you need for your personal life or for your business dreams.

Are all coaches the same?
HELL NO!
Some are amazing.
Some just take your money.
Some don’t even remember what your goals are, or what is important to you.
Belle is committed to working closely with her coaching clients so they feel supported, encouraged and most of all…accountable.

Not quite sure? Book a Discovery Call. Let’s Chat.

Book a Discovery Call
See if this is right for you

Get your goals sorted and your dreams realised

tick off your goals

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Accountability Coaching

Do you feel like you lack motivation?
You’re not alone.
Many people attend a coaching or energy healing session and feel inspired to commit to new healthier life habits – only to get sick, overwhelmed, tired or disappointed by something in their life again.
At that moment, their bad habits creep back in, AND they slowly forget what they were trying to focus upon!
That’s when frustration, irritation, anger and also binge eating or drinking kicks in.
And that can make you feel even worse.Let’s not even mention when you go 0-100 in 10 secs and let rip at your kids or partner.

The struggle is real – but you don’t have to stay there.


Accountability Coaching is a supportive service offered by Belle that will help you to stay on track and reach that milestone of 90 days – this is SO important when you are wanting to create REAL and EFFECTIVE change in your life.

The research is clear: 21 days to create a new habit
21 days to reinforce that habit
another 21 days to make sure it sticks and
another 21 days to make it seem so easy.

What could you become in 90 days?
What dreams do you have for health or well-being or career?
What can you imagine your life would be like if you could build momentum and have someone supporting you (and kicking your butt) along the way?

How does Accountability Coaching work?

You will do an initial 2hr session with Belle (in-person or zoom) in order to get clarity and set priorities; clear limiting beliefs, blocks and self sabotage to reaching your goals.
Then every week you will do a 30min coaching call via phone to check in, release triggers, and keep you focused and on track.
–> 3 months <–
12 sessions
self work
workbooks

Each week you will focus on smart, measurable and achievable goals. You will have tasks to complete that are easily added to your current schedule. This will help you to avoid overwhelm and burnout.

Could you do this yourself?
Of course you could!
HAVE you done this for yourself yet?
NO!
And THIS is why you NEED an accountability coach!

You already KNOW what needs to happen.
You have the SKILLS required to reach your goals.
What you NEED is someone to believe in you, to keep you focused, and to hold you accountable each week while you tick off your list of goals.

This is for you if:
– you want to achieve your goals in the next 3 months
– you are sick and tired of making excuses
– you want to plan, execute and smash your goals!
– you are a spiritually focused person who wants to combine their masculine and feminine energies to get into flow and ease.

Are you a HELL YES?
Get started here:3 Month Accountability Coaching.

Are you a MAYBE but need more info?
Book your Clarity call here:Accountability Coaching Clarity Call

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Healing after Narcissistic Abuse

Did you know that energy healing, such as QHHT, Emotion Code, or Inner Child work, can support someone with PTSD or C-PTSD?

Narcissistic abuse and gaslighting are particularly trauma-causing and crazy-making forms of psychological abuse.
Living in a highly toxic relationship, particularly if there are children involved, can leave a person feeling as if their entire being has been shattered and torn apart.

There are a myriad of reasons as to why a person will enter an unhealthy relationship. However, always there are RED FLAGS that have been ignored. The key to healing is in looking at the red flags and investigating why they were overlooked – the problem becomes the solution.

Do you have C-PTSD?
* Having nightmares or flashbacks of the relationship and events you experienced with the narc person
* Feeling extreme feelings such as anxiety, nervousness, feeling jumpy, obsessive thinking, racing thoughts, feeling scared, agitated, stressed, overwhelmed, emotional, etc.
* Extreme fatigue
* Muscular or joint pains
* Difficulties controlling emotions

Quite often you will feel numb….Emotion Code can help you to start feeling in an appropriate way again.

Emotion Code techniques are proven to help those experiencing Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). This is a condition where you experience some symptoms of PTSD along with some additional symptoms, such as

  • difficulty controlling your emotions
  • feeling very angry or distrustful towards the world
  • constant feelings of emptiness or hopelessness
  • feeling as if you are permanently damaged or worthless
  • feeling as if you are completely different to other people
  • feeling like nobody can understand what happened to you
  • avoiding friendships and relationships, or finding them very difficult
  • often experiencing dissociative symptoms such as depersonalisation or derealisation
  • physical symptoms, such as headaches, dizziness, chest pains and stomach aches
  • regular suicidal feelings. (https://www.mind.org.uk)

The Emotion Code helps to identify and release the trapped emotions held in your body that are causing much of the C-PTSD symptoms. I suggest engaging with a psychologist as well as experiencing 3-6 Emotion
Code sessions. The combination is very beneficial and will address how you think about what is happening to you and how you feel. Too often the feeling sense has been abandoned during narcissistic abuse, because their words and actions do not align, which confuses your ability to trust your gut.
If you have been in an unhealthy relationship you will have stored emotions around your heart – this is called a Heart Wall.
This is a protective response to help you to cope with the relationship trauma you are experiencing. IT is protective during the trauma, but can become a leading cause of neck and shoulder tension, pain in shoulders, heart palpitations and chest tightness that persists long after the relationship has ended.

Getting help is vital to developing strategies to help you heal and rebuild your life after the relationship – ensuring you will NEVER attract or enter a narcissistic relationship again.

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PTSD – you CAN heal with the proper support

Recently on the Today show Karl Stefanovic asked Dr Nick Coatsworth if he was a “bit broken” after discussing his experience with PTSD.

So misguided Karl.

It’s these kinds of loose comments that enforce the PTSD stigma that so many people are living with.
Too many people are living with the effects of trauma, but because they weren’t in a war zone, or experienced a violent assault, they don’t believe they have anything to complain about.
Too many people are now experiencing being re-traumatised after an abusive relationship, which ignites the childhood trauma lying dormant, festering below the surface and has “suddenly” surfaced around midlife.

Mid life crisis? Or PTSD from unresolved trauma?

It’s time the stigma was removed and it is time that people started to understand that in this modern world where we are using our noggin in a vastly different way than centuries before, we are evolving to experience chronic issues in the mind…rather than the body breaking down from back-breaking physical work that our ancestors experienced in the preceding centuries.

The link between stress, chronic stress and physical illness is well researched and known – albeit the mechanism and the tipping point of creating illness is not well understood (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3341916/).
We know that people living with trauma that hasnt been processed or resolved will manifest at some point in the course of someone’s life. This will be determined by their personality, coping style or support system. What is important to remember is that the support structure around a person is integral in helping them to seek and enter support with professionals. If you notice a loved one is not doing ok, or if they are saying things that you find concerning, or if their behaviour changes markedly, then help them to get help. GP, psych, counsellor – are all good places to start. Help them to know that asking for help is the strongest place to be, and that you are there for them. Don’t try to fix them yourself – that’s not your job. Your job is to be there for them, check on them, and motivate them to get help for themselves. That’s all.


Research shows that a substantial number of people identified with PTSD recover within 24mths https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28720167/
There is a high prevalence of those who suffer from PTSD will develop alcohol or drug abuse. This impacts relationships, affects children and ability to sustain gainful employment (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23022845/).

We are predominantly at a desk; we are more sedentary; we spend hours a day in front of a screen. Our lifestyle has changed, and therefore our lifestyle illnesses have changed too. We are living longer, but often that means we are holding more trauma, or living less-than-healthy lives, being kept alive by medications, and experiencing depression and trauma throughout this extended life span (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1070773/)

If someone had a broken leg, had the cast on, then went thru rehab and started to learn to walk and run again – would you say they are a “bit broken” ?
Or would you say they are recovering/recovered?

PTSD is not lifelong in ALL cases. It is NOT something to endure and learn to live with in ALL cases.

How does PTSD happen?
Literature shows that PTSD results from an unexpected sudden traumatic stressor. This can be from war (which is what most people think of), but it can also be from a violent assault, accident, or natural disaster.
Childhood trauma often is a result of sexual assault or even the death of a loved one. (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23022845/ )
What I believe is the MOST important part of understanding PTSD is that it is subjective to the person experiencing the trauma. If they believe it is traumatic, then it is.

A traumatic event to one person may not be identified as being traumatic to another person. Therefore, it is important to understand that if you are comparing how you feel to what others have endured, you may be traumatising yourself even further. Conversely if you are a professional who works with people living with PTSD it is important to remember that you are working with perception and not with what you consider to be “real” (https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.607612)

In the burgeoning area of PTSD after narcissistic abuse, we see people who have never been in a warzone, never experienced a vicious assault. Still, they may have a history of people-pleasing and “over-giving”.
Being in an unhealthy or toxic relationship absolutely causes trauma within the individual. The fallout after the relationship ends can endure for years – particularly if there are children involved.

With the stakes being so high, there is never a better time than right now to get help for PTSD symptoms no matter how minor or insignificant they may seem to you, or the people around you.

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Yoga in the massage room?

Q: Why are Belle’s healing sessions achieving more results in a MUCH shorter period of time (for people with anxiety, depression, chronic pain, PTSD, sleep issues) as compared to traditional psychology?

A: The answer is simple – Belle uses an integrated bodywork approach for helping people release physical and emotional pain.

Massage as a stand-alone treatment will only get you so far.

The difference between seeing Belle or seeing your psychologist every fortnight is that treatments with Belle actually change the energy system of your body. You don’t “just” talk about things. You actually shift the energy of what you are talking about through your body in a powerful way.
Embodied healing is the only way to truly release the trauma you have been holding. Talking therapy IS important, but it is the FIRST step in a process of recovery.
You won’t have to keep coming for sessions month after month, year after year….because you will actually HEAL and RELEASE the issues you are having. Many of her long time clients only see her twice a year for “top-ups” or to deal with a pressing issue that has arisen. She does not teach you to rely on her, rather she will teach you how to notice how your thought patterns relate to your physical issues (and more importantly what to do about it!)
She will help move the stuck energy thru your body, so the pain can release. A session with Belle will help you understand why you feel how you do, and more importantly how to feel better.

Bodywork + counselling + spiritual healing = FEELING BETTER.

Book an Intuitive Healing Massage today…..

Book Here

No two sessions are ever alike. Here is what some of her clients have to say:

Shannon – “I never know what we will do and I never know how to explain what you do, but I always feel better”


Caine – “I was nervous because I have never seen someone who isnt a psychologist, but I always feel better after an appointment with you”

Keeley – “I just feel lighter and more in my body again”

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When you can’t talk about it

Many women are afraid to speak out about their ex-partner’s verbal or emotional abuse for fear of what they will do. Many times if they catch wind of you talking about their behaviour, they will up their abuse with vicious text rants, email abuse or social media abuse and torments.
It works though – quite often the woman will retreat and hide and suffer alone and in silence.

The whole goal of a person with high narcissism traits is to have control – at all costs. And this includes control of how you think about them, and how you speak about them. If they can silence you, then that is the ultimate control.
When you call them out on their behaviour, it will be vastly different to their own perception. So you may experience verbal reprimands, yelling, gaslighting and re-writing of history.

Signs of verbal abuse

this is taken from mensline.org:

  • Yelling: it’s normal for people in relationships to raise their voice or yell every now and then, but ongoing and repeated yelling is cause for concern
  • Swearing and name calling: belittling your partner by calling them names, swearing at them, or putting them down
  • Demanding or ordering: telling your partner they have to do something and they don’t have a choice
  • Threatening or blackmail: telling your partner there will be consequences if they don’t do what you say – e.g. “If you go out with your friends tonight, don’t bother coming back”
  • “Gaslighting”:  whereby a person is manipulated into questioning their own sanity or perceptions
  • Manipulating: saying things to get someone to do what you want, often through guilt, such as “I did this for you” or “if you loved me you’d do this for me”
  • Patronising your partner: for example saying “You won’t understand, so I’ll explain this again”
  • Blame: always saying it was the person’s fault for “causing” the argument and making you be abusive
  • Passing abuse off as a joke: shaming, insulting, swearing or belittling your partner and then saying “I was only joking” or “You’re too sensitive”
  • Insulting people, or things, that your partner likes, or their religious beliefs
  • Refusing to talk to your partner and blaming them for your silence.

Long term effects of verbal abuse on victims can include low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-harm, and anxiety. Victims may also find it difficult to make decisions and doubt their own ability to communicate.

The end result of verbal and emotional abuse is the disempowerment of the person who is being abused. They will usually retreat, withdraw and give in, because what else can they do? Arguing will end up in them being called the aggressor. Getting angry and defensive will end up in them being told their “too sensitive” or “too aggressive”. Crying will end up in them being told they are “pathetic”. Going to the police will end up in them being told “the police are laughing at you!”

The answer to the madness is to learn how to release your emotional triggers that are always being pushed by the abuser.

Your emotional triggers are sitting right under the surface and are very raw. They have been pushed over and over again, over time, and are very reactive. You will also have trapped many emotions due to your wounded inner child, and also the part of you that believes this is all your fault and you brought it on yourself.
Victim-blaming is very common, which turns into self-loathing and self-hatred. If you are feeling this way, please know that this is just the wounds talking and is NOT TRUE.


You DID NOT cause this, but you CAN STOP THIS cycle from continuing.

What is true about you is that you have some areas to heal relating to resiliency, self-esteem, self love and confidence.
You have some areas to heal around setting boundaries and becoming independent (instead of co-dependent).
You have some areas to heal around internal validation rather than external validation.

Learning to heal after narcissistic abuse is going to be the biggest gift you can give yourself. It will release you from the pattern of putting others before yourself, and for abandoning your own needs. It requires a lot of patience and self-care on your own part to break those limiting beliefs you hold, and to move into better behaviour patterns that support re-empowerment.

I offer 45min Discovery & Empowerment sessions that help people who are beginning to understand narcissistic abuse, to become self-aware and grounded.
This can help you NOT to react to the abuser in your life, and to assert your own needs from a place of clarity.

I will help you come up with a plan to move forward – meeting your own needs and taking your power back.

Discovery & Empowerment
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Soul Care: calling yourself home

If you are out of alignment, struggling with self care, unsure of your purpose, feel uncomfortable in your own skin, then this blog may help you….

When it comes to Soul Care, I am uncovering more about what this actually means with each day that I breathe. Soul care is the act of conscious listening to the inner sanctuary and conscious alignment with source.

Soul care to me, also means that I am in touch with all the aspects of myself that I have – even the ones I don’t want to admit to having. The ones that I reject of myself on a daily basis, and even the ones that I suppress and pretend arent’ there. And there are a lot of aspects that I pretend aren’t there, or would be happier knowing they weren’t there!

I didn’t know how far I had travelled away from myself, and how long and arduous the journey home would become until I began. And I didn’t even mean to begin. It happened organically and when I was in perfect timing to receive the messages and guidance that is always available and waiting for me to pick up on.

The path to a spiritual life is always an adventure, and I have always been a seeker of spiritual things, of truth, of divine learnings. I remember from the first book I read – “The Celestine Prophecy” and the learning of energy and how you can “see” it….to the many nights with a bottle of wine and some introspective friends sitting by a fire side, debating the meaning of all that is.
But…..
How did I get on this path of Soul Care though?

Quite by accident really – although is there ever an accident or coincidence in the universal realm (I no think so!)
I didn’t know that six years ago as I began using essential oils for my clinic clients, that I would be journeying home to self. I had a doTERRA rep come to see me – to “sell” me oils, and cos I thought she was so lovely I chose to get some pretty cool looking oils to stand on my clinic shelf lookin’ all sexy and alluring, with the hope that I might boost some more sales. (forgive me, I wanted to increase profit, not Soul Care!)

But when I first smelled the Serenity blend she wafted under my nose I thought “I must have this”. I began to use it on a LOT of clients, who also purred when they smelled it and declared “Give me some!” And as I used it on them, I was also using it on myself, aligning myself and healing myself at the same time (and still I didn’t know it).

However I LOATHED the smell of pure Lavender on its own. It stunk so bad to me, “get away from me oh ye filthy oil of excrement”! I declared.
Same for Geranium! Oh poo. But I would use Geranium for many clients as it is so wonderful for our feminine cycle and is a feature in birthing blends that I create.
But one oil that I would diffuse in the clinic and at home, and wear as a perfume was Bergamot – that delicious citrusy, earl grey tea flavouring – well…give me all of it!!!!

So it would be fair to say I had a love-hate relationship with some of the oils. It was polarised for me – either I LOVED or DESPISED their aroma.

As I learned more about emotional healing thru my energy work and as I learned more about oils and their effect on emotions I came to understand that the oils I was oppositional to, were the ones my body was out of alignment with.

You see, from my perspective, why on earth would you have a repulsion so strongly to an aroma that comes from a plant?

Plants have incredible healing properties, some are known and some are unknown to us. They are multicellular and have thousand times more chromosomes than what we have as humans (46 humans compared to 1260 in a fern!!!) Being complex structures they have incredible magick housed inside their green stems and colourful flowers that medicine women have known since the beginning of time. As a woman who is coming back to self, I was tapping into this wise magick that is in the blood lines of every woman on this earth, as she gently weaves herself back to harmony with herself.

Lavender was teaching me how to re-connect with my inner wise woman, to release the energy strands of self loathing and hatred, of cutting myself off from infinite supply. Lavender was helping me to resurrect my ability to communicate with the essence of my true nature, by delicately and gently helping me to love that aspect of myself again. However it was disguised to me in the Serenity blend – which has a base of lavender with sandalwood – which I used to help me relax, sleep or meditate.
Using this oil I was able to tap into the tools of meditation and spiritual practices that help me to achieve deeper clarity of who I am, and I activate the desire within me to surrender into stillness so my consciousness can expand.
And slowly over time the aroma of lavender didn’t seem so repugnant, in fact I reach for this oil often these days as I have resolved the aspects of myself that weren’t in alignment….or more precisely I have called these parts home to myself.

Geranium was teaching me to love myself and to trust in myself again. Over the years of my life I had experienced heartbreak and trauma – like most people have. I had been hurt by others and had put up walls to protect myself. I had lost the ability to trust in the words of others, but to notice their actions above all else. I had gathered a cynical perspective and had blocked myself from heart centred communication when I felt triggered to protect myself. I didn’t use Geranium oil for my own use at all, it was merely in clinic, so the work this oil did for me was slowly and a lot more gentle. She taught me to trust and forgive and to remain tolerant and open even when I was scared and suspicious. She taught me to sit in the heart space and to allow her to open to receive the love that is always ever present from divine presence. She has taught me how to gently explore the idea of unconditional love and trust of self (this is a work in progress).

Bergamot was always my favourite oil, to soothe a woman that is rooted in relieving feelings of despair and low self esteem. And I can see this oil in action in my life. Even though I had been deeply hurt, and I carried scars from years ago, I still got up, faced the world, put on a brave face (a mask!) and kept on going. Thriving despite adversity, but still feeling the effects of the life I had created for myself that hid in the layers of my heart.
The things about soul work though, is that eventually you need to take the mask off and sit face to face with truth. The truth was I was hating myself, judging myself and feeling truly unlovable at the deepest layers of myself. My mask was slipping and I was finally – with the aid of lavender and geranium able to admit this truth to myself. Bergamot facilitates a process of self acceptance and learning to become hopeful again.

And then I was able to break. Thru. Within. To come home.

And when you break, you start to shatter all the pretends and the projections and the un-truths and simply sit with self. It was frightening but also comforting. To finally stop and to just be.

Bergamot helps me to love myself again, to know that I am lovable and worthy and “good enough”. So I say “no” a lot now. I change my mind. I think twice. I stay home. I go out. I take days off (on purpose!) I schedule my cycle and don’t work on the Monday of that week so I can drink tea in the sunshine or rainy weather, and I can stay in my pj’s and read or watch crappy tv and just be alone in the house when the kids are at school. I allow myself to soak up nothingness and replace busy with ease.

Without my oils in my tool kit I would have found another way – the soul always knows how to get your attention. This is how my soul paved the way for my awakening and my growth.

It didn’t make it easier, it didn’t make it quicker.
The oils gave me something to lean on in my darkest times and something to celebrate with when it was a good day. They fostered my ability to unconsciously listen to myself, so it became second nature to self care – which is all the soul is really asking you to do.

IF you feel like this is resonating and would like to try the power of essential oils for your own spiritual needs, get in touch with me and we can talk about how they can help you – with your mask and journeying home to self.

Belle xx