Healing after Narcissistic Abuse

As someone who has lived in a narc abuse situation and felt the immense pain of losing self-confidence, zest for life, grounding, sense of reality as far as what I knew I was seeing and feeling, but being told I wasn’t……it is dangerous and very damaging.

However, I hold no anger towards them anymore (oh yes, I went thru ALL the stages of grief, including anger, but I have moved thru to the lesson now)…

In order to heal and move forward, I had to go “no contact” and never go back. It was VERY painful. I felt like I had lost my life. My future. My happiness. But I HAD TO in order to gain my life and future and happiness again.

How did I heal? Thru working on the darkness – the Shadows – that were rising up in me. By choosing better mind habits and physical habits that supported healing and growth.

MANY people cycle in their narc relationship by GOING BACK, again and again – they keep HOPING it will change. But it doesn’t. It is very consistent. It feels like it gets worse every time – but it doesn’t, it is just that each time you GO BACK you have a renewed sense of hope that gets dashed…and it is THIS that hurts more and more.

They never change. Their insecure and fragile ego is the same – insecure and fragile.

BUT YOU CAN CHANGE...and you can take your power back and stop giving it away. You can CHOOSE to heal. And CHOOSE to make the heartbreaking choice to END THE MADNESS.

Your life depends on it. Truly it does. And unless you see the pattern and recognise your role in it, you will keep cycling. Feeling worse and worse each time. Until you have nothing left.

Don’t let yourself get to this place of utter brokenness – don’t allow yourself to get to this point.

EVERYONE can heal from this kind of relationship – you have to face your Victim part of self in the Shadows, and recognise the values and beliefs you are holding that have put you in this position. It comes down to personal responsibility and an acceptance of what is. The situation WILL NOT change AT ALL unless YOU begin to heal and make changes. And you need to do this REGARDLESS of whether the other person changes and does the work or not.

Their healing is NONE of your business. To think otherwise it is a form of co-dependence – and you need to address this too.

IF you are wanting to break the cycle, stop repeating the same patterns then get in touch. I can help you to heal and grow and get to know yourself again – on your terms!
I can help you access those parts of you in your Shadow, and release the energy strands of past lives and karma that is holding you in this pattern.

Get in touch,
Belle

Massage for early signs of pain

 
If you woke up sore, or you got home from work yesterday feeling a bit tense and stiff in your joints, then can I suggest booking a massage QUICKLY?
 
Did you notice that raising your arm up over head is getting harder to do? How about putting on clothes? Or hanging washing on the line? Putting on your bra with difficulty? 
 
This is not “getting old” or just “a bit stiff form the cold weather”. Mild tension and stiffness are early signs that something is out of whack, so getting a remedial massage early on, can save you a whole world of pain if you leave it.
 
Sitting at a desk all day? On your feet all day? Physical labouring? Housework? Gardening?
At some point your body will start to tell you it has had enough…trouble is, you are too busy to pay attention until you are swallowing multiple anti-inflammatories / pain relief / and being forced to take days off work.
 
There IS a better way to handle the physical symptoms as they start to arise. Remedial Massage therapy will get your blood flowing, the joints moving easier, and help stretch your muscles for greater strength and flexibility.
Relaxation massage will help reduce the overall effects of stress in the body and mind. Stress starts in your mind…and then filters to your physical body…including all your organs…isnt that frightening?
 
For all ages, massage is the first answer when mild symptoms arise.
 
Therapeutic massage is not just a luxury, it is the antidote to this busy world. It can help you to breathe more deeply and move more freely…and we all know that doctors “prescribe” rest and “less stress” to most health complaints….
 
So you get a win / win…it feels amazing and has great benefits for you entire body.

Postnatal Nutrition

 

 

The postnatal period is possibly the most vulnerable period of a woman’s life.
You’ve just gone through birth (Vaginal or caesarean – there is no easy way out!), you have a tiny human to keep alive that eats, poops and sleeps (in that order), but never actually sleeps long enough for you to get anything done – including sleep much yourself. Your heart is full, but so are your hands, and the thought of waking that beautiful dozy baby to grab a bite to eat – well, you’d rather chop your own arm off at the shoulder than rock, sway and sing (badly!) for another hour to get this darling cherub (who now sounds like a screaming banshee, by the way) back to a blissful sleep.

 

So, right from those early days, you do what most mums do.
You put yourself last.

 

But with the lack of sleep, the stress of looking after this tiny being, the repairing your body needs to do following birth (and sometimes the mental repair from a traumatic birth), & hormonal fluctuations within your body as it tries to adapt to your new reality – mean you have NEVER needed to be more mindful of your nutrition for your own health at any other time in your life.

I feel postnatal nutrition is SO important, irrespective of whether you breastfeed or not.

Obviously breastfeeding mama’s have to ensure they eat well, and enough, to support breast milk production. But in many ways, it is the mothers that wanted to breastfeed but struggle, or are forced into circumstances where breastfeeding has been cut short, that I feel need the most support. Often, they feel a sense of loss, not feeling good enough, and judgement, which can lead to negative feelings that spiral into postnatal anxiety and/ or depression. I know. I was one of them.

We all know the link between diet and mental health. Eating lots of fresh, nutritious food should be included in every new mum’s mental health strategy, as it will provide mothers with the nutrients they need to positively support mental health.

Eating for Mental Health:

The concept of the foods we eat impacting our mental health is not new. Various studies point to changes in behaviour, cognition, and depression & anxiety scores when participants followed a whole food diet vs. an average western diet (which features packaged foods, fast foods, and only minimal fresh produce and quality animal products).

Deficiencies of the B group Vitamins, omega-3 fatty acids, Vitamin D, as well as Zinc and Selenium have been implicated in the development of postnatal depression. Limiting  anti-nutritive foods like processed and fast foods, and increasing fresh fruits and vegetables will help to address these deficiencies.

Focusing on small, frequent meals that contain complex carbohydrates, protein and fats will ensure sustained blood sugar levels, which positively impacts satiety, and regulates moods.  Examples include 2 rice cakes with nut butter, some full fat Greek yoghurt with fruit, nuts & seeds, or a 2 boiled eggs with avocado on crackers.

Foods that provide the nutrients commonly deficient in those with postnatal depression include lean meats, cheese, eggs, yoghurt, leafy greens, avocado, seeds and nuts, and oily fish.

There is also mounting evidence that the gut microbiota is linked to psychiatric conditions including depression and anxiety. A recent study also found that mothers that supplemented with probiotic Lactobacillus Rhamnosus HN001 (6bn CFU  / day for 6 months postnatally) reported significantly lower depression scores, based on the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS) questionnaire. So definitely worth discussing with your natural health practitioner whether including a probiotic in your daily routine may be beneficial to your mental health.

Eating for Energy Support:

When it comes to nutrients, The B complex vitamins are the energy powerhouses. They are utilised throughout the Krebs cycle (otherwise known as the Citric Acid Cycle) – which is the set of reactions that create energy within our cells.  

The thing to remember about the B group vitamins is that they are synergistic, and are absorbed best when consumed together.

Where can you find these nutrients?

The best sources of most of the B vitamins is animal products – lean meats, poultry, eggs, yoghurt, cheese. B9 (Folate) is high in leafy green vegetables, and many breads are now fortified with folic acid (another form of the nutrient, however some people lack the enzyme to convert folic acid to it’s active form).

Other nutrients to be mindful of with regard to energy:

Magnesium, which is required for energy production, but can also support rest given its action of relaxing both the smooth & skeletal muscle.  Find it in leafy greens like spinach, beets, cacao, pepitas (pumpkin seeds) and bananas.

Iron, which can be depleted post birth due to blood loss.  Iron forms an integral part of haemoglobin, which binds to oxygen within the blood, transporting it around the body for use by the cells. Find it in red meat, and in lesser amounts in leafy green vegetables.

Iodine is required for the production of your thyroid hormones. Your thyroid is responsible for thermoregulation, setting your metabolism, and regulating the activity of all the cells within the body. Find it in Seafood, and to a lesser extent cheese and eggs.  

Coenzyme Q10 creates energy within the mitochondria of each and every cell of the body. Without it, you can expect fatigue, sore joints and muscles, and changes to kidney function, eyesight and cognition.  You can find Coenzyme Q10 in organ meats, beef, sardines, mackerel and peanuts.

Eating to support healthy Bowel Movements

And you thought birth was scary!

I highly recommend women eat a high fibre diet and drink ample water (2L minimum, 3L is better) in the postnatal period for many reasons, but to keep bowel motions soft and easy to pass is one of them. Especially when there has been any tearing or grazing downstairs. 

Generally, 30gm of fibre per day is recommended, as a mix of both soluble and insoluble fibre. 

So what does that look like?

½ cup rolled oats with almonds and banana in the morning, a mixed salad with 2 boiled eggs and ½ an avocado at lunch, an apple and 1 cup air popped popcorn as a snack, and a steak with some sweet potato, broccoli & carrot at dinner (just remember to keep the skin on).

Ensuring healthy gut flora can also help keep things moving along, so I will often prescribe a multi-strain probiotic formulated for the pregnancy & postnatal period.


Should you Supplement?

Short answer – yes.

In general, our soils have been depleted of nutrients by modern farming methods, and as a result our produce contains far less vitamins & minerals than they once did.

Couple that with exhausted new mums, extra energy requirements (for breastfeeding and / or physical repair following birth), but a limited intake of nutritious food, and I believe supplementing is generally required. 

I recommend continuing with a pregnancy multivitamin for the first year of your bub’s life to ensure you are getting the key nutrients required to support mental health, energy production, & repair.

 

Kimberley is available Tues and Wed in the clinic, and at other times via Skype / Zoom.

 

 

 

Kimberley Wright Nutrition

Hubby Hopeless at massage? Honey, leave it to the professionals!

You don’t need a hubby to massage you:
Honey, you need a perinatal specialist!

 

Many women say to me “I told my partner to massage me, but he’s hopeless!” (And thank god he is – otherwise we would be out of a job!)
However, the beauty of seeing an experienced perinatal massage therapist is that we know there is more work to be done here than just massaging the sore spots.
You are only going to get frustrated with your man cos he can’t get the right spot – but honestly, why do you expect him to hold the knowledge of 20yrs of experience in the thumbs of his left and right hand. Unless he is spiritually gifted with the knowledge of a previous life, then you can be damn sure he is trying his best, but when he knows he can’t do it right because he works at a desk job and has no idea what to do with his hands and basically is scared of the T-Rex that might emerge when he is “doing it wrong”.

Your massage therapist is more than just a good pair of hands-  she is strong shoulders to
lean on, and a big heart to be nurtured from – use her.
She is waiting for you.

No Love, leave it to the professionals. We are the ones who can work with your body and support you every step of the way. Knowing how to position a pregnant body is one thing, but understanding why you are feeling the way you do (ie: why are the aches and pains there in the first place) and then knowing how to release them physically or emotionally is another thing altogether.

This is the reason a professional is required in pregnancy:

Let me speak a moment about using firm pressure in a massage during pregnancy. This is really my domain here. I believe that there is a huge opportunity here for the woman to learn how to breathe deeply whilst under pressure (if you have had a deep tissue massage before you will know what this is like!) I will teach you how to breathe in a way that transmutes the pain and helps it to ease away. I will teach you to not fear “pain” but to be able to recognise that the sensation of pain has many levels and that not all will actually be tremendously uncomfortable. The Good Pain. Do you know what I mean?

I choose to call it a sensation rather than pain, and often I will say that this is just a challenge point which means you can breathe through it. This kind of sensation awareness is invaluable for when you are in labour, because you will have already set up a pain/response cycle that involves deep breathing, and switching of the fear/retreat/panic response (which only causes more intensity of pain) and allows you to relax into the sensations.
We don’t push you though trigger points and follow the “no pain no gain” principle. Nor do we think a “fluffy” light-handed massage is going to do anything other than annoy the woman on the table. Let’s face it, when a therapist is moving their hands over that sore spot over and over again but …they…just….don’t…get…..into…it…OMG it is SOOOO frustrating. Right?

We sit somewhere in the middle of these two principles. We know the aches and pains and we know how to work with them – just firmly enough – to enable them to release. But if you have ever been to a Spa or a clinic that doesn’t specialise in pregnancy massage, you will be very familiar with their ”softly, softly” approach. But, maybe this is just what you need? So, we know how to adjust our pressure accordingly, it is never a one size fits all­ approach in our treatment rooms.

You can’t learn most of the stuff we do here at the clinic in a TAFE or a college. The work we do is based on research, theoretical questioning and then observations, testing and revising. That’s our point of difference. We have applied the training we have done, directly to our pregnant clients, and we see amazing results because we treat the whole person – mind, body and spirit.
Not only that, we will show you how to turn over in bed that will reduce discomfort, and we will show you how to use meditation and essential oils to ease symptoms and issues that crop up in each trimester.  

You are not losing your mind:

Sometimes during pregnancy you will feel like there will be a different emotional state seemingly every few hours! But don’t be alarmed, you are simply transitioning and learning how to be in a new role.

For now, you are the grower of a child, and this will challenge even the most stable woman. Learning how to process these strong emotions that come out of nowhere will also help you to release them so they don’t return as often, or at all.

 
Learning how to lean in to your massage therapist during these trimesters can be empowering and incredibly reassuring as you transition to motherhood. Hopefully your massage therapist has had a baby or three and can understand exactly where you are at, and empathise with you! It helps to know you aren’t going mad, and that your tears – as irrational as they may be – are perfectly acceptable in this moment.

 

Belle xx

Love Your Body again…..(or for the first time)


Essential Oils for emotional healing…..


DoTERRA’s metabolic blend “Slim n Sassy” contains Grapefruit oil which has long been used to nurture self love and respect for the physical body. It supports those who struggle to honour their body and are caught in patterns of physical or emotional mistreatment.

Grapefruit oil can help:

Negative emotions – hate for the body, obsession with food or dieting, anxiety over appearance, eating issues
Positive Properties – respect for body, meeting physical needs, body-acceptance, nourished, healthy relationship with food.

These forms of abuse may include severe dieting, judging one’s body weight or type, and abusing the body through negligent behaviours or violence. These acts are often motivated by hate and disgust buried within the psyche which gets directed towards the physical body. Though the individual may obsess over how they look, they know deep down they will never feel good enough, nor look good enough.

Grapefruit oil is often misused in overly strict dietary and weight loss programs. The reason this oil helps to curb emotional eating is because it encourages a positive relationship with one’s body, based on love, tolerance and acceptance. Grapefruit encourages integrity by respecting one’s physical needs. This oils assists the individual in listening to their true physical needs and impulses. It also assists one in taking responsibility for what they feel.
Grapefruit teaches that no amount of food can fill a hole in the heart – only love can do that.

As the individual takes ownership of their feelings and gets the help they need to hide their feelings behind food, body abuse, strict regimes, eating issues or other forms of obsession.

During pregnancy a woman will go through many changes of loving and not loving her body. This is normal, however it becomes abnormal when a woman will restrict her food, or keep up an exhausting exercise regime that would put a non-pregnant person to shame!

Pregnancy is NOT a time for losing weight (unless of course you have been instructed by your doc to lose weight). It is not a time for being strict, and it is certainly not a time for obsessing over your weight gain.


Pregnancy IS a time for learning how to “go with the flow”, of how to eat in a way that nourishes AND satisfies – so that you and your baby can be as healthy and happy as possible. There is a direct correlation between the food you eat and your mood and emotional state – so if you are smashing the donuts and coke, you can imagine your emotional state will not be entirely stable….which will then send you down the rabbit hole into self loathing, guilt and shame afterwards. Believe me, this is a vicious cycle, and one you will find it hard to get out of.

Using this oil blend, or just grapefruit on its own during pregnancy, can help you to remain loving and caring whilst observing the changes your body is going through.

 

 

If you would like to have a deeper love for your body, feel self acceptance, and develop a healthier relationship with food, then use this oil daily as part of your “self care” regimen. Dab behind the ears, or (if not pregnant) drop 1-2 drops across your belly, whilst holding the intention “I love and accept myself”. 

To order Slim n Sassy CLICK HERE

To book an Emotional Clearing consultation with Belle email belle @ thebelleflowersclinic.com.au

50 Mum #lifehacks

Modern mums are so extraordinary aren’t we!!!

Never before in the history of ever, has a woman been expected to be so many things all rolled into ONE gorgeous creation.

We are expected to be a mum, part of the work force, have self confidence, self worth, be a good role model, be a fine housewife, be able to manage finances well, help out at school/canteen, get motivated to have a strong and fit body, encourage kids to stays off screens and play outside more, ferry kids to sports and activities, be a welcoming presence to our partner as they come home, be able to cook like a nutritionist and provide balanced healthy meals each day, be a microbiologist and prepare green smoothies that look yuck and taste yuck (but are super healthy)…..

.……is it any wonder most mums I know are TIRED. OH SO TIRED! Worn out. Stressed out. Guilty. Over it. Cranky. Frustrated. Needing space.

Is this you? Well, I can’t stop the constant-ness of this busy life, but I can offer you some oily #lifehacks that will help you be a better, more efficient and happier version of yo’self!!!

Try out these oily #lifehacks using essential oils. From everything from wellness, to home to finances (oils save you $$$) to increasing energy, to removing chemicals from fruit – we have you covered. Little tips and tricks you can actually USE in everyday life. 

Using essential oils is a game changer – it will make you more conscious of living a chemical-free life style, it will empower you to look after your own health better and with more confidence, and will help you to know what do when your child gets sick – and keep you out of the doctor’s office for common colds/conditions. 

 

Click the link:

50 mum #lifehacks: practical uses for essential oils

 

If you would like to buy your oils from me, and become part of my Mind Body Wellness Tribe (you get cool goodies, and loads on info and support, so it’s awesome!) then click HERE.

 

Find Your Core Values

 

Do you feel like you are STUCK and can’t move forward in to the life of your DREAMS?

Do you have an idea of how to live your best life, but are feeling like there is something holding you back?

Has there been this feeling within you for a while now that you need …..something different….but you don’t know what that is?

 

These feelings are ALL TOO FAMILIAR to me! They often come at periods where I also start to feel  bored and like I am not living my life at 100%. Do you feel like that?
The feelings I get are this deep down irritation, where I feel like I need to wriggle my way through a small under ground cave that is narrow and dark and scary. LOL! I know, dramatic, but I think in pictures!

What helps me to shake these feeling when they come up is to go back to making sure I am living from my Core Values. Most people can’t verbally express what their Core Values are – they have a feeling of what they are, and they will certainly know what they are when prompted with examples, but most people can’t put them into words.

The difference between the truly successful and satisfied people and yourself, is that they have learned the skill of checking in with their Core Values – regularly – and being able to hold them in the front of their mind. Once you know what they are, then you can use them as your baseline for every situation you find yourself in and choice you need to make.
Your Core Values will make you feel excited, motivated, peaceful, happy, content, inspired etc

So when you know what you are working from, you can then size up anyone or anything to make sure they fit inside your value system.

 

Let me give you an example:
Let’s say my Core Values are – Adventure, Trust, Peace, Friendship and Solitude (a mixed bag here!)
These are important to me in this particular period of my life (remember your Core Values will change, kind of like seasons change.) So let’s say I am hating my job. I mean, I wake up every morning and I dread rolling out of bed. I am sad as I have to leave and as I take the train into work each day I get cranky with the fellow travellers. My boss I cannot stand, and I have nothing in common with my co-workers and I don’t engage with them. (this sounds awful!)
My job is at a desk and I am an analyst so I don’t talk to anyone all day, I just work from a PC.

Let’s look at my Core Values again: Adventure, Trust, Peace, Friendship and Solitude
In this particular scenario I can see that “solitude” lines up – which is why I probably picked this role to begin with.
Adventure….? Um that’s a “no”. There is none of that here.
Peace….? There is peace in the fact I talk to no-one, but I don’t feel peaceful in my spirit.
Trust….? I don’t know my co-workers. So there is no trust. Only in myself.
Friendship….? That’s a clear “no”.

So from this example I can see that I know why I picked this job, and that perhaps it has run its season? I now know why I am miserable every day, and I know what I am looking for in a job that I apply for.

So then I need to MANIFEST what kind of job I want to work in….(we will cover MANIFESTING next time)

So now it is up to YOU – click on the link below and work thru the booklet to find your Core Values and start living your life on purpose!

 

CORE VALUES

The Mind/Body Connection

Put simply, the Mind/Body Connection is your ability to connect the symptoms your body shows you, with the way you think.
Simple? Not really….
Our busy lifestyle disconnects most of us from the simple conversation our body is always having with us. If you are always in conflict, or always fighting for justice, or recognition, or if you feel that you are always being wronged by others, then your body will start to shows signs of the struggle to be validated / heard / vindicated. This will show up as tension, inflexibility, heartburn, back aches etc.

Alternatively if you are practicing peace, let go of the need to be right, and have accepted “what is”, your body will be softer, more flowing and have less tension.

Do you ever say any of these phrases:
 
I can’t stand that person!
I’m digging in my heels on this one!
I’m kicking myself!
 
*if you use these phrases, what are your feet, or ankles or knees like?
Do you get chronic pain or do you often injure yourself in the leg area?
 
I haven’t got the guts!
I’m sick over that.
I’m gutted.
 
*if you use these phrases, do you often have tummy issues, or IBS or nausea?
 
They drive me crazy!
I’m out of my mind.
I’m going to lose it!
 
*if you use these phrases, are you often stressed out, or feel like you can’t cope or are overwhelmed?
 
 
Your mind is always thinking, and your tongue is always giving insight to your inner world. Sometimes, we don’t even realise the power behind the words we are saying.
 
If you do say any of the above phrases (or similar) make a decision TODAY to start re-phrasing your words, and then stop saying these kinds of things altogether.
You want your mind to focus on GOOD things, on HAPPINESS, on THANKFULNESS and LOVE – right? You don’t want to focus on stress, fear, conflict or pain. So if you clean up the words your mind will begin to focus naturally on phrases that feel good. I read somewhere once that “your word is your wand, so wave it around carefully!”
The old Disney song, “If You Can’t Say Something Nice…shhhh say nothing!” is very key here. Tame the tongue and your mind will become calmer. It is not “new age” philosophy, but ancient wisdom. Buddha, Jesus and Mohammad all spoke about listening more and talking less, about the power of words and how they can wound much more than a sword.
mind body connection

Next time you are tempted to use a “feeling phrase” such as “I’m sick to death of this guy!” STOP, breathe and re-phrase (at the very least) or LET IT GO…..because we don’t want you sick, or dead…….

 

 
 
Here are a couple common examples of clients we treat at the clinic:
 
 One day you might have a subtle headache. The next day you may have constipation. You are often feeling low in your mood. Your body feels sore around the neck and shoulders. You are stressed quite often and your headaches are getting worse. Then you realise your period has come early and so you put it down to “your cycle being out of whack’, and just accept it. Then you notice that your hair is falling out, or your nails are brittle. You are finding it hard to lose weight, and you are feeling anxious and stressed and your heart races.
These are warning signs of a thryroid that is not balanced.

 


The Mind/Body Connection* of thyroid issues says = I feel humiliated. I never get to do what I want to do! When is it going to be my turn?

 

Or
 
You may experience heartburn fairly regularly, so you avoid the food you think causes the issue, but you always have a sore mid-back area so you work out a bit, because you heard that your core muscles could have something to do with it. You are always tired though, which you put down to not sleeping well because of the pain in your back,  but your partner says you snore all the time which may be causing the exhaustion?

 


The Mind/Body Connection* of Heartburn says = I am scared. I am very FEARFUL.

 

how emotions harm you
 My clients come in because of the headache or the back pain, not realising that something else much deeper than muscular is going on inside. That is why I started using Emotion Code techniques to muscle test, and to find out where imbalance lies in your body.
The way we think, the memories we have pushed down, the unchecked mental chatter that constantly runs in the back ground of our life can have a drastic effect on your physical, mental and spiritual health.
 
As a Mind/Body therapist, I can help you to piece together the symptoms to see a pattern, which you can then associate with your thought-life, and then start to work on getting healthier from there. It is a process. It is a journey, And to be honest, it is hardly ever easy. But I can promise you it is worth the commitment.
 
 
 
*taken from Louise L Hay “You Can Heal Your Life”
 

Spinal Health Week

Spinal Health Week

291 Port Hacking Road, Miranda 2228
adminchfc@optusnet.com.au
Website

Chiropractors: Clair Hogan, Cherie McAllister &
Peter Swift

 Specialising in family care using safe, gentle and effective techniques.
 The clinic offers a warm friendly environment with modern equipment and easy on-street parking.

 

 Special Offer for Spinal Health Week:
 Free computerised spinal scan analysis worth $60.00.

Phone Clair Hogan Family Chiropractic 9525 1808 to book your appointment and mention Belle.

 Offer available throughout Spinal Health Week
23rd – 28th May 2016.