Category: Narcissistic Abuse

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It’s time to reset your nervous system and thrive

polyvagal theory explains the vagus nerve and the fight or flight response

Working long hours, family demands, financial challenges, and of course maintaining relationships, whilst caring for those you love – can all take its toll on your nervous system .
Many women find their cycle becomes affected, and fatigue is a common symptom of a stressed out adult!

Talking therapies only work until a point, exercising can sometimes further burn you out, and over indulging may become more common that you would like.
Perhaps it is time for a system reset to get you back in control of your life?

What is the Vagus nerve and why is it important?

The Vagus nerve is the 10th pair of cranial nerves that originate in the brain stem and travel down past the oesophagus, past the heart and lungs, and plunges deep into the abdomen.

  • It has a motor function – stimulates muscles in the pharynx, larynx, and soft palate; and stimulates muscles in the heart, where it plays a role in lowering resting heart rate.
  • It has a sensory function – sensation behind the ears and parts of the larynx (voice box).
  • It also has a visceral function where it monitors the internal organ environment, supplying information for the larynx, esophagus, lungs, trachea, heart, and most of the digestive area.

The autonomic nervous system comprises both the sympathetic (fight or flight) and the parasympathetic (rest and digest) branches.
The parasympathetic nervous system allows the body to relax and rest, and to assimilate the food you eat. The body will find it difficult to move into a restful state when it is sick, under mental pressure and strain, or when it is exhausted. It is for this reason that stress management and energy healing is so important. It is impertive to a healthy body and mind.

When the vagus nerve becomes dysregulated or weak, you will struggle to tap into your rest and digest state. This may lead to feelings of stress and anxiety, with varied external and internal signs and symptoms :

  • Anxiety and depression
  • Aggression
  • Emotional dysregulation
  • Indecision
  • Chronic inflammation
  • Difficulty concentrating or brain fog
  • Dizziness or fainting
  • Chronic pain (particularly gut)
self massage can be helpful to reset your vagal tone, you will learn how to do this in your session with Belle

The Polyvagal Theory

Developed by Dr Stephen Porges, the Polyvagal Theory explains the nervous system feedback in a loop to the brain’s command centre, instructing it to be on alert (fight or flight) or relaxed (rest and digest). In short, it is all about safety.
If the brain interpets the feedback and decides the body is not safe, then the heart will beat faster, blood pressure will rise and digestion will not be a priority. Conversely, if the brain deems the body safe, then the opposite effect will happen.

In today’s busy stress filled world. it is easy to forget to process, or release built up stress and tension. It is not uncommon to use food or alcohol, or sexual behaviour to distract from pain, grief, hurt, failure or shame.

When the body is always feeling negative emotions and stress, it can leave a lasting impression of anxiety or depression, and chronic fatigue or PTSD can result.

It is time to hit the reset button

Nervous System Balance program is for people who are feeling the effects of too much stress and not enough rest, and who want to start thriving again.

The program is designed to be completed over 6-8 weeks, and involves 6 x 90min balancing sessions.

No two sessions are the same, and with personalised, simple to follow daily routines of movement, breathwork and meditation tools balance can be restored to the nervous system.

What to expect
A series of sessions you will attend via zoom, that will include mindset coaching, as well as polyvagal theory-inspired exercises, to bring yourself back into balance.

With a nervous system reset you will:

– sleep better

– feel more calm

– feel more in control of your life

– enjoy improvement in your relationships

– get your mojo back

– enjoy life again

Working on releasing stored stress, reducing the mental chatter and developing routines around building safety within the body are the cornerstone for calming the nervous system.

This program is a reset, that will produce better quality of life and habits that will serve you for a lifetime. No matter what the challenges are that you face, movement, meditation and mindfulness will be appropriate.

Book here
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Soul fragments: how to put yourself back together

Feeling numb, disconnected, exhausted, apathetic, resentful? Perhaps life is feeling like it is too hard, and like it is always an uphill battle? 

When you are disconnected from your soul, in two or many pieces, it can feel like the life you knew or always thought you would have is never going to eventuate.

Some refer to this as a dark night of the soul, but it is a deeper and more intense experience than this. When the soul begins to fragment, you are as a greater risk of losing yourself altogether and it is a long journey home to retrieve all these parts you have lost. 

In traditional counseling/ psychology terms, we would call it an existential crisis whereby a person may be catapulted into questioning “why am I here” or “what is this all for?” out of a response to a significant life change (such as divorce, death of a partner, loss of a job, global pandemic). However, it goes deeper than a mere “mid-life crisis” or a questioning, when the soul has fragmented. It goes to a place of questioning (at least unconsciously) “why do I exist?” or even “do I exist?”

The degree to what one will experience when one’s soul has fragmented is determined in part by the degree to how much has indeed fragmented or split. But also, it will depend on which parts have split from the whole and how much this will cause turmoil or angst in the person experiencing it. 

How does a soul fragment?

Pain, trauma, neglect, abuse, arguments, ungroundedness, mental health issues, ADHD, constant anxiety, phobias, history of depression – can all influence the degree to which a person will experience soul fragmentation. A pattern of coping will always be the first sign that soul fragmentation has begun: drinking, drugs, and risky behaviour (the usual suspects in younger years). One-off situations can cause soul fragmentation, however, it is more likely that it will be repeated behaviours that lead to the most destruction. This is why it is so hard to get off the merry-go-round once it has gained momentum. 

These poor choices may extend into unstable employment, possibly lead to crime, or at the very least, making very poor choices that result in consequences that are difficult to move through, let alone past. 

Then what happens is you forever need to re-face the shame, and guilt associated with poor choices that were resultant from the depth of pain, despair, anger, frustration, guilt you were feeling back then, in that moment that you made poor choices to begin with. 

The cycle is vicious and never-ending and will inevitably lead to more parts of yourself splitting and detaching from the whole of who you are. 

The whole is made up of the sum of its parts

In order to understand the “whole,” let me explain who you are. You are an energetic being that is having an experience in this body, in this world, in this lifetime. You are a celestial accident with odds at 1 in 102,685,000 that you exist. However, here you are! 

We experience Deja Vu (when you feel like you’ve been somewhere before), you shiver (did someone really walk all over your grave?), you have inherent skills that you’re good at without any training (I was always good at massage therapy, right from when I was young – with no idea why I “knew” how to treat pain, I just “knew”). Some of you are inherently intuitive. You know things. And coincidences always happen to you. Some of you have such bad luck all the time. Like it follows you around. And some have felt extremely blessed like everything they touch turns to gold (I once worked with a client who told me he’d fucked a fairy. He was a multi-millionaire.)

I have worked with hundreds of clients and taken them through past life regressions or seen their past lives through their healing sessions. I “know” there is more than one life we get to live – because I have seen it and heard people re-telling their stories with passion, emotion, and great detail (to which they are super surprised – it blows their minds!) 

And this is how I know that we have many parts of our souls that make up the whole of who we are. 

The fragmenting

We come into this life with unfinished business  – or unresolved energy – from another lifetime. Sometimes that lifetime is on this earth, and sometimes it isn’t. I believe some of the inherent skills are not accumulated in this earthly place. These skills are from another dimension. The more negative aspects – the ‘bad karma’, the unlucky, the poor circumstances, the destruction, the pain – I believe this is unresolved energy from another earthly lifetime. And these energies can cause a lot of pain in this lifetime and ultimately be a vehicle to learn many lessons if you want to. 

When a person begins to fragment parts of their soul, it is due to an unacceptance of the energy they hold and what lessons need to be learned to resolve it. It is usually painful to resolve the energy. And this is why we resort to alcohol, sex, drugs, risky behaviour, and choosing the wrong partners – it is all part of the drama that keeps you distracted from the soul pain you are feeling in the first place. It is impossible to resolve soul energy when you are distracted in the earthly ‘pleasures’ (or pains). 

The further you go into the pain of this lifetime, the harder it becomes to turn things around because you have begun to split from the initial “whole” you entered this world as. It then becomes a quest or a soul journey to find your way back to all of who you are. Not leaving any part behind – even the parts you wish weren’t there. This is the hardest part – complete self-acceptance. 

The Parts

The parts of you make up are all who you are. And to wish some of them didn’t exist, or to banish those parts and pretend they don’t exist is the ultimate disservice and self-hatred. A large part of the healing journey will require that you accept all those parts of you – even the ones you are ashamed of – and to welcome them back with loving arms. This can take years or a lifetime. Or never. It will ultimately determine your happiness or contentment. This explains why some people can have everything you could imagine but still be depressed and deeply unhappy. 

Some parts will be easy to accept – like your generous heart, ability to make people feel comfortable, solution-focused mind, and inherent ability to see the good in people. But other parts, such as your emotional reactivity, your anger towards your parents, your judgments, your proclivities, your fantasies, your biases, will be less palatable to accept.

You will make unconscious choices from these less-palatable parts. You will do things or say things that you are not proud of. If you keep doing them, you will experience the consequences. And it often doesn’t feel good. This feeling of shame or regret will then propel you to keep making bad choices or say things that arent in alignment with your highest good and purpose. And so you fall further short of where you “think” you should be. 

Its a slippery slope. 

So how do you stop sliding and come back to alignment? (please read on, but promise me you will have patience for yourself in this!)

How to come back home to yourself

The first step is that you are aware that you are sliding, or on the roller coaster of doom. YOU have to notice that life isn’t turning out how you expected it to. Or the way you think it “should”. From here, you can notice what your unconscious expectations have always been. Counselors will often get you into your childhood because we can uncover the schemas you are measuring and living your life by. It’s an interesting journey to mentally re-investigate. However, it is only half the story. 

You have to begin soul-retrieval practices that call those parts of you home that have fragmented and left the safety and sanctity of the whole of all that you are. 

This process can take months, years or even a lifetime.  And it is not for the faint-hearted. There will be pain. It is inevitable, however, most humans are averse to pain and try to avoid it at all costs (remember the alcohol, drugs, and risky behaviours!)

I suggest that when you are ready to begin the process of soul retrieval, you connect with a healer to help support you on the journey. Give yourself some time – usually 12 weeks is a good amount of time to begin with – that you will allow your focus to be on this one particular area of your spiritual journey. Invest in a journal. Dedicate time each day for spiritual practice. And always finish your day by calling back your soul fragments before you go to sleep. 

How you do this, and what you do is entirely up to you. Your Soul already knows what you need in order to recover your Parts, but your mind may want a particular routine or structure to follow. 

Gratitude Journalling

A deeper practice of soul retrieval can come through daily gratitude journalling. This is a well-researched practice, that has been proven to improve mood stability, a sense of greater meaning and purpose. This gentle act of self love every day can help you to improve your ability to focus on that which is important to you, and that which brings you joy. The more you train your conscious mind to focus on the good things, the more you will notice the good things (no matter how small they may be).
Belle has created a Gratitude Journal that coaches you through the process over a period of weeks or months.

The Practice:

Upon waking:
“I call in all parts of me that have fragmented and not returned home after my sleep” 

Within 1hr of waking:
Journal about what your goals for the day are (spend 5mins) 

Within 1hr of sleeping:
practice gentle breathwork and yin yoga to prepare the body for sleep (10-30mins) 
Spend a few moments contemplating what you are grateful for on this day

As you close your eyes:
“I now call all parts of me that have fragmented and ask that they return to the unity of all that I am. May all parts of me be held by my higher consciousness as I return to myself.”

Need more help?

To get started, simply book a healing session and together you will create a plan that your soul can settle into and find comfort within. Including bespoke meditations, yoga and breathwork practices.

Book here
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Scrub your Socials- take your power back

Starting off the new year and taking your power back with a digital clean up clean up can be the most important thing you do at the start of the new year! Take your power back by removing negativity in your Socials, and removing the dead weight in your Inbox!
The collective energy for us at this time, is to restore, to connect and to enjoy. Why not use this time to restore your own energy, connect to those things that matter to you, and to embrace the idea that our life is for us to enjoy.

Here are my top tips when it comes to socials and digital life, so that you can clean up the energy in this space. Remember – we get energy strands of connection in the online world, just like we would in peson.
EVERY person you see on social media you will create an energy strand with.
EVERY person who scrolls your feed will create an energy strand with you.

Do you want that? Regularly clearing out your online space is a healthy part of your energetic hygiene practices. Just like if you went to a pub, you would come home and have a shower…consider this the same routine.
Cleanse
Release
Renew your boundaries!


My Top 5 Tips take your power back with a digital clean up:


1. Scrub your socials:
Go thru all your socials and remove any account that doesn’t give you good feels when you see it.
This includes people as well as biz accounts (but we will get to that in Step 3).
If it isn’t an account that LIGHTS YOU UP …its gone!
Remove it ASAP and get that lower vibration out of your field. Otherwise, it will continue to drag you down.
It happens gradually over time, without you even realising, and one day you declare to the world “I’m going off FB / IG for a while in order to rest and recharge”.
Um really? Why not just stop using it before announcing to the world you are over it? (It’s a bit of a bugbear of mine!)

You see, this kind of behaviour comes from a lack of boundaries in this department, and you honestly only have yourself to blame. However – we don’t do “blame” in my world, we simply LEARN and don’t look back. (I think perhaps a trigger releasing session would help in this case though!)

So here is your new mantra:

I get to decide what is in my feed

What I click on, the algorithm decides I like

I must be diligent about what I click on

I get to control my experience

If I don’t like what someone is posting I SCROLL on, OR I delete / mute / unfollow / block etc

My socials. My choice!

Never again will you feel whiny and in your victim mode about how “bad” social media is for you!

Personally, I love IG as I can follow hashtags I’m truly interested in, and that inspire me and teach me.

Everything else is a no-go for me and my mental health. This includes “friends”, or family who I am afraid I will offend if I unfollow. (And honestly, how often do you see these so-called ‘friends’ anyway? Would you share a meal with them? That’s what I ask myself. If I wouldn’t then I wont allow them into my energetic online field either. Another Q to ask yourself – if you wouldn’t share a meal with them, are they really a friend? Does it matter in the grand scheme of things if you removed them from your digital life?)

2. unsubscribe.
We get hundreds of emails every day – so be discerning about what you will accept in your inbox. If you’re anything like me you have signed up for a discount on a shopping platform and keep receiving their newsletters. I also have well-meaning sign-ups where I wholeheartedly decide I will be interested in a particular website and its offerings and then promptly never read another email from that site ever again. And yet they keep sending me emails!
My brain likes to pursue many a rabbit hole, and I get really interested in topics for short periods of time. Then I am over it. The dopamine hit wears off. Are you like that too? Well, the time is now for you to start cleaning out your emails and only keeping those that actually add value to your life – like mine.

OR not.

The choice always remains yours – so embrace your power to choose and decide what you want bombarding your inbox. It does take a fair bit of time, so I suggest putting on some music, or a podcast or watching Netflix and doing it simultaneously. That way you can just keep powering through the ‘unsubcribes’ and GET IT DONE.

3. unfollow/unfriend.
This is a tough one, as it pulls on the heart strings doesn’t it? I can’t tell you how many times a client has said they simply must stay “friends” with a family member out of fear they will offend them if they don’t.

STOP

DOING

THIS

This is the very definition of giving your power away. I didn’t know until a short time ago that we can actually mute a Facebook ‘friend’ and we won’t see their posts anymore. I love this as it means that you don’t have to completely say ‘goodbye’, just ‘let’s have a break for now’.

I know that it feels uncomfortable when you make these small decisions about a friendship or family connection, but it is really about being kind to both yourself and them. Your negativity – even in private – still affects the energy strands that connect you both. So what you are doing is removing your trigger so you can take back control of your own energy. That’s got to be a good thing – right?
A few years ago my cousin’s wife unfriended me, and I didn’t realise for a while. It definitely made our relationship non-existant as I haven’t heard from her or my cousin ever since. I have never tried to contact her again as I feel awkward and uncomfortable knowing I’m not her ‘cup of tea’ – which is okay. We never had anything in common, except she married my favourite and much loved cousin. It’s a shame, because her one small act caused me some heartache, and means that my kids don’t know hers. Remember – be kind. To yourself and others.

Be ruthless with ‘friends’ that you don’t even know. If they post things one time that are questionable, or directly opposite to your values then consider whether this is the content you want to consume. Some people vent and it triggers your own stuff. (Maybe it’s time to do an Emotion Code session though?) That’s ok. Cut them some slack and start looking at why it affected you so much. If they do it again, and it really annoys you, offends you, or crosses a line – it’s time to unfriend. No one wants to leave their front door open to angry, bigoted, racist, keyboard warriors, conspiracy theorists etc…so think of your account as your front door to your own energy field.
You need to put a line of defense between you both.

4. mute. I’ve mentioned it before but it needs its whole paragraph and time in the sun. Instagram has a mute button, and it is totally fine to use it. Just see how when you use it, that your life doesn’t end!
But you can use your own mute button on many things – like not replying to a message as soon as you receive one. You can choose to mute yourself during a conversation, and just hang up and plead “it dropped out” if queried.
Muting yourself means you get to decide what comes out of your mouth. It also means you retain your own power. There is no rule book that says you “must” respond. So choose when you do.

5. rest. I know you think that sitting on the couch and mindlessly scrolling for 3 hours is resting. It is not.

It is scrolling, and it is not mindless.

It is very mindful – and not in the best way.

When you are scrolling away you often lose track of time, and you ignore your kids and animals, and probably forget to do the chores around the house. Bbe intentional about your scrolling. But don’t call it rest. Cos it ain’t.
Resting is when your body AND mind get a break. (This is also not called sleep).

Resting involves an intention to slow down, and to just be in the present moment. My favourite way to rest is in my hammock with a blanket (if it is cooler) and a pillow under my head and knees. I love the feeling of swaying gently. I often don’t read in the hammock, I just look at the trees and the sky.
Some people say that resting can be reading a book – but the mind is still active.
Others say resting can be swimming – but the body is still active.

Many people find it hard to just sit and do nothing for a period of time, except breathe and be. So i invite you to set a timer for 3mins and just allow yourself to be in the present moment. Lay down. Watch the clouds. Listen to the birds. Just rest. And when the timer goes off, set it again for another 3mins. You’ll be amazed how quickly time flies doing nothing.
Resting is the biggest gift you can give yourself in this busy life we live. So choose to consciously do it for a few minutes per day – and watch how your entire perception will shift.

Start today

Scrubbing your digital energy field is an act of self love. Start today and notice how less-stressed and anxious you become. Removing the negativity, the draining, the anger, the complaining, the comparison and the sense of missing out can help restore your balance and your enjoyment of life. When you become ruthless at guarding your own energy, you will find the rest becomes easier and life becomes happier.

Good luck xx

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How to Let Go (for good)

“How do you let things go Belle?

I have tried so hard and I just cant seem to do it.”

-many clients

I get asked this on a weekly basis by people with warm, loving hearts, who have been hurt, disappointed, let down, and treated badly by the people in their life that meant something to them.

How do you let it go?

All the nasty words.

All the careless mistakes.

All the accusations.

All the time-wasting.

All the sucking the air out of the room.

All the thankless times.

How?

You just decided that enough is enough.

Your thoughts will continue to “think you” if you don’t start catching them as they arise. You will find yourself down the rabbit hole within seconds if you keep playing out the scenarios of what they did (or didnt) do, in your head.

Have you ever had THAT conversation with them, in your car, or in the mirror? Saying all the RIGHT things you SHOULD have said at the time! To REALLY show them YOU CANT BE TREATED LIKE THIS ANYMORE !!!!

Yeah. Most of us have been there at least once. If not a hundred times. You are acting subconsciously in those moments when someone is taking advantage of you, but you dont speak up. Or when you let something slide, only to feel it festering later after they have gone. OR when you get that feeling in your gut that something isnt right, but you ignore it.

Time doesnt heal – it simply pushes down your feelings to be triggered by someone else, or to fester and rise at an unwelcome time. Intentional healing heals.

It means you make a decision to not allow those thoughts air time anymore. When they come up, you acknowledge and then evaluate what is in your control. I will take you thru the steps of the #AASERTmethod of coaching on how you might tackle this major self-sabotage issue that many people go thru:

Step 1: Acknowledgeonce you identify what is happening you can then begin the process of change.

Step 2: Accept the past happened. It did. Accept it. Just stay in this place for a second. (Don’t worry, we will move on, but for now, just accept that this person DID say or do what they did. you cannot change it.

Step 3: Surrender
Give OVER. Don’t give IN. Sit within the feelings, be with them, don’t resist that they are there. Honour your feelings. Completely. Without reservation. You are angry. Feel it
You are hurt. Feel it.
You are sad. Feel it.
You are feeling what truly is. but your feelings aren’t necessarily “truth”.
There IS a BIG difference. (if you don’t know the difference between “truth” and what you are feeling being “true to you” then we can work at this step to free you from the myths of “truth”. (They are a huge sabotage issue that can keep you stuck).

Step 4: Evaluate what is in your control
Can you change the past? No. Accept it happened.
Can you change them? No. accept this is what they did/said.
Can you say something? Yes
Can you choose to ignore? Yes
Can you change how you respond to it if it happens again? Yes
Can you change their behaviour when you respond? No.
Can you control your triggers? Yes (good) No (then THIS is where we work together to release them)

Step 5: Reframe how you think about it(this is the real step of healing in the process)When you look at the issue without emotion, you can see a different point of view.
What have you learned about yourself? (triggers? preferences? values?)
What have you learned about them? (they’re human. They aren’t perfect. They are acting off their own values, triggers and desires.)
What have you realised is most important in this situation? (to be right, to be heard, to be apologised to, to forgive? to move forward? to move past it? to release the friendship?
Learning is the path to healing. Learn the lesson and you won’t keep having to repeat it.

Step 6: Trust (yourself) Trust (the process)
Once you have made it thru and learned the lessons then you will be free to use the #AASERTmethod quickly and easily when anything comes up for you. Trusting is NOT about having no issues, it is about knowing what to do when the issues arise. The more you clear the energy around what has been coming up, the less you will attract. The less it will come up.
When you have been through a situation that has shaken you to your core, you may not trust yourself in the beginning…but using the AASERT method, it will re-empower you and your trust in self again.

Healing takes time. The AASERT method gives you a tool to help you gain the confidence to self-heal and to be your own coach. I use both Emotion Code to release the emotions and also AASERT in my Accountability Coaching sessions in order to FAST TRACK you into an empowered place of which to move forward and ultimately LET GO!

Want to get started and save over $150 – get on it! Let that shit go and start THRIVING again!

Book your Package here

Your Fast Start package includes 45min initial coaching session plus 3 x 30min sessions to keep you on track for a month.
Each session is to be taken 1 week apart where possible (max 10 days). This will keep you motivated and committed to reaching your goals.

Why have a coach?

Because if you could have done it alone by now you would have!
A quick month of coaching could save you hundreds of hours in time wasted or money lost.

Why coach with Belle?
Belle is a woman who goes after what she wants, is a straight talker and can see through any self-sabotage blocks. She has been coaching men and women to help them achieve their own unique successes in all areas of their life since 2012.
With Belle on your side, you are assured of success. She will offer you clear guidelines for you to work towards in order to go after what you are wanting, and see real results.

What areas can I receive coaching in?

Belle is an expert in helping healers, counsellors, massage therapists, kinesiologists, nutritionists and yogis who are wanting to start their business, or start over (in a more productive and focused way).

She has 16yrs experience in social media, branding, mindset and marketing for a self employed healer. She will bring her personal experience as well as industry knowledge to help you reach your goals.

Belle can also help you to take control of your personal life, in terms of career or relationships or health and wellbeing.

Anything you are wanting to focus upon, Belle will give you the tools, the feedback and direction you need to make it happen.

You can be assured that you will receive the mentoring you need for your personal life or for your business dreams.

Are all coaches the same?
HELL NO!
Some are amazing.
Some just take your money.
Some don’t even remember what your goals are, or what is important to you.
Belle is committed to working closely with her coaching clients so they feel supported, encouraged and most of all…accountable.

Not quite sure? Book a Discovery Call. Let’s Chat.

Book a Discovery Call
See if this is right for you

Get your goals sorted and your dreams realised

tick off your goals

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Accountability Coaching

Do you feel like you lack motivation?
You’re not alone.
Many people attend a coaching or energy healing session and feel inspired to commit to new healthier life habits – only to get sick, overwhelmed, tired or disappointed by something in their life again.
At that moment, their bad habits creep back in, AND they slowly forget what they were trying to focus upon!
That’s when frustration, irritation, anger and also binge eating or drinking kicks in.
And that can make you feel even worse.Let’s not even mention when you go 0-100 in 10 secs and let rip at your kids or partner.

The struggle is real – but you don’t have to stay there.


Accountability Coaching is a supportive service offered by Belle that will help you to stay on track and reach that milestone of 90 days – this is SO important when you are wanting to create REAL and EFFECTIVE change in your life.

The research is clear: 21 days to create a new habit
21 days to reinforce that habit
another 21 days to make sure it sticks and
another 21 days to make it seem so easy.

What could you become in 90 days?
What dreams do you have for health or well-being or career?
What can you imagine your life would be like if you could build momentum and have someone supporting you (and kicking your butt) along the way?

How does Accountability Coaching work?

You will do an initial 2hr session with Belle (in-person or zoom) in order to get clarity and set priorities; clear limiting beliefs, blocks and self sabotage to reaching your goals.
Then every week you will do a 30min coaching call via phone to check in, release triggers, and keep you focused and on track.
–> 3 months <–
12 sessions
self work
workbooks

Each week you will focus on smart, measurable and achievable goals. You will have tasks to complete that are easily added to your current schedule. This will help you to avoid overwhelm and burnout.

Could you do this yourself?
Of course you could!
HAVE you done this for yourself yet?
NO!
And THIS is why you NEED an accountability coach!

You already KNOW what needs to happen.
You have the SKILLS required to reach your goals.
What you NEED is someone to believe in you, to keep you focused, and to hold you accountable each week while you tick off your list of goals.

This is for you if:
– you want to achieve your goals in the next 3 months
– you are sick and tired of making excuses
– you want to plan, execute and smash your goals!
– you are a spiritually focused person who wants to combine their masculine and feminine energies to get into flow and ease.

Are you a HELL YES?
Get started here:3 Month Accountability Coaching.

Are you a MAYBE but need more info?
Book your Clarity call here:Accountability Coaching Clarity Call

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Healing after Narcissistic Abuse

Did you know that energy healing, such as QHHT, Emotion Code, or Inner Child work, can support someone with PTSD or C-PTSD?

Narcissistic abuse and gaslighting are particularly trauma-causing and crazy-making forms of psychological abuse.
Living in a highly toxic relationship, particularly if there are children involved, can leave a person feeling as if their entire being has been shattered and torn apart.

There are a myriad of reasons as to why a person will enter an unhealthy relationship. However, always there are RED FLAGS that have been ignored. The key to healing is in looking at the red flags and investigating why they were overlooked – the problem becomes the solution.

Do you have C-PTSD?
* Having nightmares or flashbacks of the relationship and events you experienced with the narc person
* Feeling extreme feelings such as anxiety, nervousness, feeling jumpy, obsessive thinking, racing thoughts, feeling scared, agitated, stressed, overwhelmed, emotional, etc.
* Extreme fatigue
* Muscular or joint pains
* Difficulties controlling emotions

Quite often you will feel numb….Emotion Code can help you to start feeling in an appropriate way again.

Emotion Code techniques are proven to help those experiencing Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). This is a condition where you experience some symptoms of PTSD along with some additional symptoms, such as

  • difficulty controlling your emotions
  • feeling very angry or distrustful towards the world
  • constant feelings of emptiness or hopelessness
  • feeling as if you are permanently damaged or worthless
  • feeling as if you are completely different to other people
  • feeling like nobody can understand what happened to you
  • avoiding friendships and relationships, or finding them very difficult
  • often experiencing dissociative symptoms such as depersonalisation or derealisation
  • physical symptoms, such as headaches, dizziness, chest pains and stomach aches
  • regular suicidal feelings. (https://www.mind.org.uk)

The Emotion Code helps to identify and release the trapped emotions held in your body that are causing much of the C-PTSD symptoms. I suggest engaging with a psychologist as well as experiencing 3-6 Emotion
Code sessions. The combination is very beneficial and will address how you think about what is happening to you and how you feel. Too often the feeling sense has been abandoned during narcissistic abuse, because their words and actions do not align, which confuses your ability to trust your gut.
If you have been in an unhealthy relationship you will have stored emotions around your heart – this is called a Heart Wall.
This is a protective response to help you to cope with the relationship trauma you are experiencing. IT is protective during the trauma, but can become a leading cause of neck and shoulder tension, pain in shoulders, heart palpitations and chest tightness that persists long after the relationship has ended.

Getting help is vital to developing strategies to help you heal and rebuild your life after the relationship – ensuring you will NEVER attract or enter a narcissistic relationship again.

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PTSD – you CAN heal with the proper support

Recently on the Today show Karl Stefanovic asked Dr Nick Coatsworth if he was a “bit broken” after discussing his experience with PTSD.

So misguided Karl.

It’s these kinds of loose comments that enforce the PTSD stigma that so many people are living with.
Too many people are living with the effects of trauma, but because they weren’t in a war zone, or experienced a violent assault, they don’t believe they have anything to complain about.
Too many people are now experiencing being re-traumatised after an abusive relationship, which ignites the childhood trauma lying dormant, festering below the surface and has “suddenly” surfaced around midlife.

Mid life crisis? Or PTSD from unresolved trauma?

It’s time the stigma was removed and it is time that people started to understand that in this modern world where we are using our noggin in a vastly different way than centuries before, we are evolving to experience chronic issues in the mind…rather than the body breaking down from back-breaking physical work that our ancestors experienced in the preceding centuries.

The link between stress, chronic stress and physical illness is well researched and known – albeit the mechanism and the tipping point of creating illness is not well understood (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3341916/).
We know that people living with trauma that hasnt been processed or resolved will manifest at some point in the course of someone’s life. This will be determined by their personality, coping style or support system. What is important to remember is that the support structure around a person is integral in helping them to seek and enter support with professionals. If you notice a loved one is not doing ok, or if they are saying things that you find concerning, or if their behaviour changes markedly, then help them to get help. GP, psych, counsellor – are all good places to start. Help them to know that asking for help is the strongest place to be, and that you are there for them. Don’t try to fix them yourself – that’s not your job. Your job is to be there for them, check on them, and motivate them to get help for themselves. That’s all.


Research shows that a substantial number of people identified with PTSD recover within 24mths https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28720167/
There is a high prevalence of those who suffer from PTSD will develop alcohol or drug abuse. This impacts relationships, affects children and ability to sustain gainful employment (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23022845/).

We are predominantly at a desk; we are more sedentary; we spend hours a day in front of a screen. Our lifestyle has changed, and therefore our lifestyle illnesses have changed too. We are living longer, but often that means we are holding more trauma, or living less-than-healthy lives, being kept alive by medications, and experiencing depression and trauma throughout this extended life span (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1070773/)

If someone had a broken leg, had the cast on, then went thru rehab and started to learn to walk and run again – would you say they are a “bit broken” ?
Or would you say they are recovering/recovered?

PTSD is not lifelong in ALL cases. It is NOT something to endure and learn to live with in ALL cases.

How does PTSD happen?
Literature shows that PTSD results from an unexpected sudden traumatic stressor. This can be from war (which is what most people think of), but it can also be from a violent assault, accident, or natural disaster.
Childhood trauma often is a result of sexual assault or even the death of a loved one. (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23022845/ )
What I believe is the MOST important part of understanding PTSD is that it is subjective to the person experiencing the trauma. If they believe it is traumatic, then it is.

A traumatic event to one person may not be identified as being traumatic to another person. Therefore, it is important to understand that if you are comparing how you feel to what others have endured, you may be traumatising yourself even further. Conversely if you are a professional who works with people living with PTSD it is important to remember that you are working with perception and not with what you consider to be “real” (https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.607612)

In the burgeoning area of PTSD after narcissistic abuse, we see people who have never been in a warzone, never experienced a vicious assault. Still, they may have a history of people-pleasing and “over-giving”.
Being in an unhealthy or toxic relationship absolutely causes trauma within the individual. The fallout after the relationship ends can endure for years – particularly if there are children involved.

With the stakes being so high, there is never a better time than right now to get help for PTSD symptoms no matter how minor or insignificant they may seem to you, or the people around you.

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When you can’t talk about it

Many women are afraid to speak out about their ex-partner’s verbal or emotional abuse for fear of what they will do. Many times if they catch wind of you talking about their behaviour, they will up their abuse with vicious text rants, email abuse or social media abuse and torments.
It works though – quite often the woman will retreat and hide and suffer alone and in silence.

The whole goal of a person with high narcissism traits is to have control – at all costs. And this includes control of how you think about them, and how you speak about them. If they can silence you, then that is the ultimate control.
When you call them out on their behaviour, it will be vastly different to their own perception. So you may experience verbal reprimands, yelling, gaslighting and re-writing of history.

Signs of verbal abuse

this is taken from mensline.org:

  • Yelling: it’s normal for people in relationships to raise their voice or yell every now and then, but ongoing and repeated yelling is cause for concern
  • Swearing and name calling: belittling your partner by calling them names, swearing at them, or putting them down
  • Demanding or ordering: telling your partner they have to do something and they don’t have a choice
  • Threatening or blackmail: telling your partner there will be consequences if they don’t do what you say – e.g. “If you go out with your friends tonight, don’t bother coming back”
  • “Gaslighting”:  whereby a person is manipulated into questioning their own sanity or perceptions
  • Manipulating: saying things to get someone to do what you want, often through guilt, such as “I did this for you” or “if you loved me you’d do this for me”
  • Patronising your partner: for example saying “You won’t understand, so I’ll explain this again”
  • Blame: always saying it was the person’s fault for “causing” the argument and making you be abusive
  • Passing abuse off as a joke: shaming, insulting, swearing or belittling your partner and then saying “I was only joking” or “You’re too sensitive”
  • Insulting people, or things, that your partner likes, or their religious beliefs
  • Refusing to talk to your partner and blaming them for your silence.

Long term effects of verbal abuse on victims can include low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-harm, and anxiety. Victims may also find it difficult to make decisions and doubt their own ability to communicate.

The end result of verbal and emotional abuse is the disempowerment of the person who is being abused. They will usually retreat, withdraw and give in, because what else can they do? Arguing will end up in them being called the aggressor. Getting angry and defensive will end up in them being told their “too sensitive” or “too aggressive”. Crying will end up in them being told they are “pathetic”. Going to the police will end up in them being told “the police are laughing at you!”

The answer to the madness is to learn how to release your emotional triggers that are always being pushed by the abuser.

Your emotional triggers are sitting right under the surface and are very raw. They have been pushed over and over again, over time, and are very reactive. You will also have trapped many emotions due to your wounded inner child, and also the part of you that believes this is all your fault and you brought it on yourself.
Victim-blaming is very common, which turns into self-loathing and self-hatred. If you are feeling this way, please know that this is just the wounds talking and is NOT TRUE.


You DID NOT cause this, but you CAN STOP THIS cycle from continuing.

What is true about you is that you have some areas to heal relating to resiliency, self-esteem, self love and confidence.
You have some areas to heal around setting boundaries and becoming independent (instead of co-dependent).
You have some areas to heal around internal validation rather than external validation.

Learning to heal after narcissistic abuse is going to be the biggest gift you can give yourself. It will release you from the pattern of putting others before yourself, and for abandoning your own needs. It requires a lot of patience and self-care on your own part to break those limiting beliefs you hold, and to move into better behaviour patterns that support re-empowerment.

I offer 45min Discovery & Empowerment sessions that help people who are beginning to understand narcissistic abuse, to become self-aware and grounded.
This can help you NOT to react to the abuser in your life, and to assert your own needs from a place of clarity.

I will help you come up with a plan to move forward – meeting your own needs and taking your power back.

Discovery & Empowerment
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Healing after Narcissistic Abuse

As someone who has lived in a narc abuse situation and felt the immense pain of losing self-confidence, zest for life, grounding, sense of reality as far as what I knew I was seeing and feeling, but being told I wasn’t……it is dangerous and very damaging.

However, I hold no anger towards them anymore (oh yes, I went thru ALL the stages of grief, including anger, but I have moved thru to the lesson now)…

In order to heal and move forward, I had to go “no contact” and never go back. It was VERY painful. I felt like I had lost my life. My future. My happiness. But I HAD TO in order to gain my life and future and happiness again.

How did I heal? Thru working on the darkness – the Shadows – that were rising up in me. By choosing better mind habits and physical habits that supported healing and growth.

MANY people cycle in their narc relationship by GOING BACK, again and again – they keep HOPING it will change. But it doesn’t. It is very consistent. It feels like it gets worse every time – but it doesn’t, it is just that each time you GO BACK you have a renewed sense of hope that gets dashed…and it is THIS that hurts more and more.

They never change. Their insecure and fragile ego is the same – insecure and fragile.

BUT YOU CAN CHANGE...and you can take your power back and stop giving it away. You can CHOOSE to heal. And CHOOSE to make the heartbreaking choice to END THE MADNESS.

Your life depends on it. Truly it does. And unless you see the pattern and recognise your role in it, you will keep cycling. Feeling worse and worse each time. Until you have nothing left.

Don’t let yourself get to this place of utter brokenness – don’t allow yourself to get to this point.

EVERYONE can heal from this kind of relationship – you have to face your Victim part of self in the Shadows, and recognise the values and beliefs you are holding that have put you in this position. It comes down to personal responsibility and an acceptance of what is. The situation WILL NOT change AT ALL unless YOU begin to heal and make changes. And you need to do this REGARDLESS of whether the other person changes and does the work or not.

Their healing is NONE of your business. To think otherwise it is a form of co-dependence – and you need to address this too.

IF you are wanting to break the cycle, stop repeating the same patterns then get in touch. I can help you to heal and grow and get to know yourself again – on your terms!
I can help you access those parts of you in your Shadow, and release the energy strands of past lives and karma that is holding you in this pattern.

Get in touch,
Belle