Is everyone but YOU getting pregnant?

How to deal with the pain and disappointment when everyone around you is getting pregnant

I LOVE this blog by Katie Ryan from Newcastle. This sums up exactly how MANY of my clients feel….have you ever felt like this? Lets try and remove the social stigma associated with not being able to conceive and just support each other – learn from each other – and walk alongside each other during this difficult time.

When you first start trying to conceive and you see a pregnant belly, you grin knowingly at yourself and think “That will be me soon”.

Then the months go by and you start to feel stuck in the slow lane, watching other women zoom by and get pregnant while the only thing you’re growing is a burning hunk of fertility road rage.

Pregnancy announcements go from squeal and hug fests to stab-me-in-the-heart-athons.

You start making up excuses not to go to baby showers because you should be buying adorable clothes for your own little one by now.

And if one more friend says she got pregnant when she wasn’t even trying, you might need a good lawyer.

So how can you keep it together when everyone else is getting what you want and you’re still waiting?

#1 Feel the pain

You can’t avoid pain altogether but you can keep it to a minimum. Feel the pain. Breathe it in. Let it flow through you and out again. Trying to push the hurt away just creates a block for you. When you hear someone’s baby news, go somewhere private and absorb it. See yourself breathe it in as if you were inhaling a cloud of light. Imagine it flowing into your body then out again when you exhale. Repeat until the pain subsides. You don’t need to hold onto the hurt, you just need to acknowledge it and let it pass through. Feel it briefly now so you’re not hurt by it forever.

#2 Say thank you

The universe has just reminded you of what you want. You think about having a baby so much that of course there are going to be babies all around you. That’s how the universal laws work: you get more of what you focus on. There’s a place inside you where you can take the jealousy, bitterness and anger and turn it into gratitude. Seriously. There’s a little place in your heart from where you can whisper to the universe “Thank you for helping me remember what I want and why I’m working so hard to be healthy and fertile”. Then use all those feelings as motivation to keep doing what you need to do, like eating whole foods, drinking lots of water and keeping your stress levels low.

#3 Level up

Every choreographed baby announcement and glittering gender reveal party is helping you to get on the same wavelength as those women who are having babies. It’s the fertility equivalent of rolling around naked on a pile of $1 bills and imagining they’re $100 bills – it’s helping you get in the zone for what you want. Energetically speaking, the more time you spend with babies and pregnant women, the closer you get to being pregnant and having your own baby. Not to mention it’s great preparation and learning so you’re in the know when your time comes. So open your arms and your heart to all the baby shower invitations and visits with newborns – they’re getting you closer and closer to your own.

#4 Don’t take it personally

I know it hurts because they have what you want but you can’t compare their situation with yours. Everyone takes their own path to parenthood and whether it’s taken them a month or a decade to get pregnant, they still deserve it. Just like high school, making a baby is an “eyes on your own paper” kind of event. Forget what everyone else is doing, what worked for them, and which pill, potion or lubricant you can try next. You have to find your own way by unravelling the unique baby recipe that is just for you and your partner.

#5 Remember who’s in charge

The most important thing to remember is that you are in charge of your own fertility. You have the power to bring your little one through and the best thing you can do is connect with your body’s wisdom and follow what it tells you. Slow down, make space, get to know yourself. Listen to the inner voice that has all your answers. Remember that health comes before fertility so get both of you healthy.

If you think you’ve tried everything to make your baby, I can guarantee you there’s more that you can do. Let that be a comforting thought: you’re not done yet, you just need to find the missing puzzle piece.

by KATIE RYAN

14/12/201614/12/2016

Try Working Softer, not Harder

You know the drill, it is splashed all over Facebook and instagram memes:

work hard – play hard

But I am calling B******t on this, and taking a stand for women (and men) everywhere who are TIRED, BURNED OUT, FEELING LIKE A FAILURE and just want to pull the covers up over their heads and hide for a while.
For the last year I have been working harder than I ever have, and have played less than I ever have. The reason? I’m trying to “get ahead”. But how has that worked out for me? I am now reduced to a shadow of my former vibrancy because I have glandular fever / mono, and my body and mind is completely exhausted.

So what is the problem? The problem for me is that this motto of “work hard, play hard” is not actually true for me. It isn’t congruent to my values and certainly does not fit my lifestyle. It is not part of my wants, only part of my perceived “shoulds”.
From an energetic perspective “shoulds” drain my energy and always leave me feeling like I am lacking somehow. Have you noticed that in yourself?

After falling into a heap and thinking I had the worst case of tonsilitis ever, you can imagine my surprise when I was diagnosed with an illness that doesn’t just put you on your arse, but flat on your back in bed, unable to think clearly – and without the desire to think clearly! My body had taken the years of abuse (being pushed, late nights, thinking, planning, strategies, worrying, etc) and had slammed me as a final last ditch effort to get my attention!

I used to be a single mum. I have three kids. I was told by my ex husband to “work harder” when I asked him if he would cover some extra curricular sports the kids wanted to do and I wasn’t sure my budget would stretch for. Those small words, delivered such a punch to my gut, that they then became the driving force behind my determination to work work work and earn as much money as I can.
I never started my own business for the money. I started it because I have a particular technique that works and I wanted to help as many women as I could and work my own hours around my kids. The problem was that when I was single and had three little mouths to feed, it became about the money – and that’s where the internal conflict began to show its face.
In hindsight I can see very definite stages in my decline into this tired and worn-down version of myself, but it is hard to stop the momentum gathering when you are being pushed from behind by the words “work harder”.
I used to say “I will be successful just to spite him” and so I kept on pushing, letting this bitter energy feed itself over and over again at the cost of my vital chi or prana.

Okay so the lesson is learned, but my physical body now has a long road ahead to catch up to the spiritual lesson. When will it be over? Well my impatient soul wants to get on with it now – “yes lesson learned, now can I go back and earn money again”. Me thinks there is still a few months of healing to go yet (possibly more!)

What if we were to “work softer” and allow our internal guidance to speak to us? Middle aged men have epiphanies like this all the time – we call it a Mid Life Crisis and laugh it off, but it is happening at an increasing rate to middle aged women (oh god now I have this title too) who say “ENOUGH!!!” They have reared their kids to primary school or early high school. They have taken hardly any time off when the babies were born, for fear of financial strain (me) or sabotaging their career (many of my clients). They convince themselves it is fine “women in China give birth and go straight back to the rice paddy” (NO my dear, this is not good for you!) They also convince themselves that they can do everything “I don’t need any help, I got this!” and then they wonder why their zest for life has gone (or their lust for their partner.)

It’s our chi my love. Our chi is draining away in hours at the computer, deadlines, planning and improving our career. We aren’t taking the time to water the seeds in our seasonal garden. Did you know you have seasons in your life that need to be tended to in a different way? Without acknowledging the season we are in, and giving it all the love and attention and nutrients it needs, we can find that the harvest (sometimes years later) will not be as plentiful or impressive, or just plain rotten.

And that my dears is what is happening for me right now. I didn’t give myself time to heal after my babies were born. Out of fear I went straight back to work. In my case my work involves lots of giving out of my energy. Gladly I do this, but it has drained me. When I get home I give it out to my kids and partner. If it is not returned, or nurtured or replenished then what am I left with? I will tell you – I’m left with no chi! I’m left with a draining of my energy that leaves me cranky, easily irritated, short tempered, argumentative and a bit low. (Do you recognise these early warning signs?) Then I get more coughs and colds. I get intolerant to skin care and foods. I get more headaches. I feel sicker more often. I am exhausted by the end of a moderately busy week…and so it goes on.

SO what would have happened if I recognised my warning signs before they took hold and created the symptoms for a commonly known condition called glandular fever? (Because that’s all illnesses are – a collection of symptoms). I wouldn’t be in the dramatic predicament I find myself in now. I would have slowed down and rested more. And I would have realised I was spinning out of control earlier and got some help. That’s my big thing though – I don’t ask for help (or take it easily either). So there is a learning in how I choose to recover as well. I need to ask for help more and realise I am not weak, but allowing others to be strong for me. But that is a blog for another day.

So ladies (and I guess gents, if you are reading this far), I urge you to listen to your body when it is talking to you and saying “I don’t want to work harder”. You will no doubt find that you just need a few weeks of “working softer” to then come back into balance. You won’t lose your job – your boss probably won’t even notice – because working softer is a mindset. It’s an attitude adjustment. It isn’t about slacking off, it is about honouring self.

Which brings me to another point…..honouring self….lets discuss that next.

Until then, practice working softer, rest more often and laugh more.

04/04/2016

I am living the life I want!

Can you say that you are living the life you’ve always wanted, imagined, planned for and desired? Most people cannot honestly say that they are living the life they desire. And that makes me sad. Why? Because life is too short to be living less than an exceptional life.

Sure, “things happen” I hear you say, BUT if you are not creating the life you really want, then who will? There is little point watching “everyone else” live the life they are wanting, if you are just on the sidelines wishing and dreaming. Allowing circumstances to dictate your life to you will get you nowhere except depressed. The difference between the wishers & dreamers and the ones actually living the life of their dreams, is that they have taken action!

“ACTION turns your dreams into reality”

Action is the one thing that is simple and yet seems so difficult at the same time. So here are my steps to taking action:

1. Start writing a list of what you want

What you do with your life if money was no problem? Imagine you have won $100 million in the lottery. Give yourself permission to dream for 2 mins (set your phone timer) and just think about what you would do with yourself if money was no option! Make the list as audacious as possible, and don’t let your rational mind (the monkey mind) start to tell you that you are being ridiculous. Then after you buy all the “stuff” that you ‘think’ you need (like cars, houses, round the world holiday, give money to family etc) – write down what you would do with your life from then on.
For example; would you sit on a beach for the rest of your life? Would you travel to third world countries and volunteer? Would you start a hobby/biz? Would you work in an industry you have always wanted to? Would you go to Uni and get that law degree you always wished you had time to do? Would you teach fitness to oldies in nursing homes? Would you bake cookies? Would you be the person who offers free sunscreen spray on the beach on the Gold Coast?

The list you write will be very revealing to what it is that is actually inside you busting to get out!

2. Vision Board Creation

This is my favourite thing to do. When I am feeling like I need a change in my life I set aside about 4 hrs to create my Vision Board and then I enjoy the process of ‘feeling’ my dreaming. This step is important because when you start to get pictures of things you want to have or do in your life, then you can tap into the feeling sensations of actually what it would be like to experience these things. You may be surprised at how strong your feelings can be when you imagine having what you are wanting. But you may also be surprised when you are imagining what you “think” you want, and realise you don’t actually like the feeling of it! This will quickly help you to realise what is truly important to you and what actually is just a low level “want”. I call this being in your Zone of Desire. That place where the internal and real you starts to bubble to the surface. You will realise your higher level “wanting” and then begin to understand what your life purpose is.

So how do you start to get into that feeling space?
My suggestion is to select images of things that you want. I prefer to use magazines but more and more I will create collages on my laptop or phone – you can search millions of images online, making it easier to get EXACTLY the right image for what you are wanting. From here you take one pic at a time look at it, take in everything you can from that pic and then close your eyes. Take a deep breath in, and then imagine what it would be like to have or do what is pictured in the image you are holding. Notice what is around you. Notice WHO is around you. Notice the emotion and see if you can name it. Then see if you can feel the area in your body you are feeling the emotion most intensely. Don’t worry if this seems difficult at first. Just keep going through the process with each image you have chosen and you will gradually start to develop this feeling sense.

3. Reinforce your Vision Board with positive affirmations

You have probably practiced affirmations before, you may have read books or been to workshops and you may have decided “they don’t work” for you. LOL! How can speaking positively over your life not work for you? Look at it from a different angle: don’t speak the words to GET something, speak the words to LIVE something. Still confused? By speaking words of LIFE over yourself, (“My future is bright”, “I create my own reality” etc), rather than DEATH (“I never get what I want”, “I am always going to be poor”, “I will never have the relationship I want” etc) you create a doorway for positivity to walk through. BUT, you are never going to get what you want while you are still speaking negatively. It just doesn’t work that way, because negativity creates a block.

So here is your mission. Place you Vision Board in a prominent position in your home/workplace. Whenever you look at your Vision Board you instantly remember how good it felt to imagine having everything you see on the board. Remember the five senses being activated, and how excited you felt when you placed yourself into receiving what you are wanting. Then repeat this: “These things, or greater I have received”.

If you do this every day when you look at the Board you will soon start to see your life changing in the smallest – and sometimes the largest – of ways.

4. Mindset:

In my opinion it is always about mindset. Your life is going the way you have chosen in your mind to perceive it, and only YOU can change how you perceive it. If you believe that there is a limited supply of happiness, or abundance in the world, then guess what? You wont be receiving what you are wanting. But if you believe that life is what you make of it, that things continually work out for you, then your perception of the world will be different. Who would you rather be: Moody Megan and Pessimistic Peter, or Optimistic Olivia and Thankful Terry? Begin repeating your affirmation every day (prob more than once a day you will see your Board) and if you have even a small doubt trying to creep in like “I am never going to have that car”, then SMASH this negativity by repeating your affirmation three times to negate it! Your focus is that you will have what you are wanting, this or greater, and that YOU get to create the life you desire – no one else!

When I first started using Vision Boards I was often disillusioned by not getting what I pasted on my board quick enough. But I soon learned that “what you focus on, you become” and if I was focusing on happiness, excitement, love, beautiful things and experiences, then my life soon gave me these things – just not necessarily in the way I had imagined. I have a pic of a BMW X5 on my Board. Do I have it? Not yet!! But I know this isn’t about the car necessarily, more about the fact that I need a car that is SAFE, can fit all my kids and drives safely and feels comfortable. I currently drive a Territory – isn’t that all these things? So I say “thank you for my Territory” knowing that I will get a new car when it is the right time financially. Learning to be appreciative in the waiting is very important.

I will be writing more about Gratitude over the coming weeks. But for now, just be thankful for the house you have, the holidays you have been on, the clothes in your cupboard, the car you drive, the jewelry you own, the money you have, the health in your body, the people who love you. The rest will come, in the way it is meant to, in perfect timing, when you learn to identify what you WANT and combine your MINDSET to line up with it.

If you are in Sydney you are invited to practice getting in to the right mindset and learn what your core values are and how to line them up with what you are wanting. This workshop will give you the tools to create the life you desire.

Saturday 9 April 2.30pm-4.30pm
Cost: $97pp
FOR MORE INFO CLICK HERE

11/01/2016

The Power of Positive Mind Set

Do you want to expand, change, move, grow – but feel stuck / scared / shy / unworthy / not good enough / not skilled enough ?

Do you have dreams you long to fulfill, but don’t know where to start?

Do you know how to CREATE CHANGE in your life?

Here’s my top 5 tips for CREATING CHANGE in your thought-life and making 2016 the BEST year of your life:

1. Surround yourself with positive people -if you want to CHANGE your life, you need to ensure you have “change-agents” around you. Have you heard the saying “birds of a feather flock together”? Well who do you want to flock with? Positive people INSPIRE you, want the BEST for you and they don’t get caught up in low-level vibrations like gossip or bitchiness. These people are your supporters, your cheer squad and they ALWAYS make you feel better when you leave them.
But remember that just by surrounding yourself with positive people isn’t enough, you need to practice saying and thinking positive things every day….

2. Speak words of encouragement over yourself for 2mins every day – find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed or feel self conscious, and set your phone timer for 2mins. Then take a deep breath in, and for the next 2 minutes ONLY speak out loud sentences that start with “I am” or “I have”. Each sentence will be positive and will take you to the next sentence, eg: “I am worthy of success”….”I have the most satisfying job in the world”….”I am a wonderful person”….”I have loyal and supportive friends”….and so on.

Be AUDACIOUS in your words. Say whatever comes to mind – even if you dont’t believe it is true (yet!). You are re-writing your subconscious thoughts, with your SPOKEN WORD (you HAVE to say it out loud.). Each day you will feel more and more comfortable doing this, so persevere and enjoy these 2mins of self love!

But simply saying these things isn’t enough, you need to get into your head all the wonderful things you ALREADY have in your life….

3. Keep a gratitude journal – my amazing biz coach (www.musecoaching.com.au) taught me this easy technique and it has been an awesome reminder of all the GOOD things in my life. You can write for hours or just 3 things each day that you are THANKFUL for and it will make a HUGE difference in how you view your life. If there is something you need (like a bigger car, or a house without mould) then be sure to be thankful for the car and house you do have first!). Practicing gratitude has been shown by researchers to lift mood and create a more healthful body.

It’s a Win/Win.

4. Celebrate small successes along the way – I think this one ties in with being THANKFUL….because when you are reminding yourself daily about the things you are grateful for, then you can see the small successes and you can see your PROGRESS more clearly. Be sure to take a moment and pat yourself on the back, or say a prayer of thanks (whatever floats your boat) and mark the occasion with a moment of silence (or a glass of champagne!)
But remember that all this movement requires a balance of stillness as well…..

5. Meditate daily for 3-5mins – it’s a well known (and researched) fact that meditation helps to reduce stress and overwhelm, helps to create peace from the centre of your being, and helps you view the world differelty. Enough said really. There are plenty of meditation classes / books / schools and Apps you can get to help you along the way. My favourite way to meditate is to focus on breathing in to the count of 4, and then breathing out to the count of 5. I do this as I count back from 20, or 40 or 50. If I lose track I go back to the start.
Meditation is all about taking authority over the mind (which in my opinion is like a willful 3 year old child!) and practicing with gentleness and kindness. Some days I am really good at it, other days I am not – instead of berating myself (or giving up entirely), I simply end the practice and make a choice to try again the next day.Change happens over time – rarely overnight. So be KIND, be PATIENT, be LOVING to yourself along the way.