Category: Self Growth

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How to use your emotions to feel incredibly good

How would you rate your Emotional Wellness on a scale of 1-10?

 

8-10 – my emotions are fairly balanced and even. Sure I am like most women and will feel irritated at times, but I am reliable and stable and think clearly and reasonably most of the time.
5-7 – I tend to go up and down,mostly even, but I can usually bring myself back to normal after a while (food / wine helps). I am more happy than sad, hardly get angry (although sometimes the kids push me to the verge of being a T-Rex), but I think I’m not as bad as others I hear about. I would say I am pretty much middle of the road, and whilst life is okay, I have everything I want, there are still times when I get sad for no reason or get snippy at people. 
3-4 – I am quite up and down most of the time and I get anxious / moody / depressed at periods of time for sure. I drink probably more than I should. I don’t exercise much and I really feel like life is difficult. I definitely eat more than I would like, and it is probably “emotional eating”. I feel sad a lot. And I sometimes wonder why life is so hard. 
1-2 – I can’t handle my emotions going up and down all the time – actually I wish they would go up so I can feel good and confident and excited about life! I have been on anti-depressants for a really long time, I don’t trust myself off them. I have a lot of anxiety and have a psych that I see a lot – this is my saving grace. 

 

It’s true, you may feel overwhelmed by the strength of your emotions at times, but the fact is this society we live in is trying to make you fit a mold of being “even and level”…however a vibrant woman is like a flowing river. Sometimes meandering, sometimes rushing, sometimes there are rapids, and sometimes quiet pools of reflection. Learning to listen to your energy body – both physical and emotional – will help you to break the cycle of the ups and down, and give you a way forward when you are feeling hopeless. 

Learning to listen to and respond to your Physical & Emotional Body

Are you getting a sore neck and shoulders more often than not? Do you have questionable tummy issues? Do you get tension headaches and feel stressed and on edge a lot? Heart Palpitations that are not a “heart problem”?

These are all signs of emotional imbalance…and if left unchecked, will only get worse.

Emotional Wellness & Intelligence means you are aware of your emotions, know what they mean, know what physical symptoms are related to, know why they are there, and how to use them – and you NEVER try to squash them down.
Instead, you tame them and make them work for you.

Your body is a biofeedback system that tells you when something isn’t quite right – so physical symptoms are the window to your emotional body. Learning how to use your physical sensations to gauge your emotional health and achieve mastery over them is a practice, and is an unfolding. It doesn’t happen overnight, and usually it comes after a period of feeling flat, uninspired and lacking zest for life.
When you are in this season it can feel frightening and like you will never return to a life of balance and pleasure and excitement…but be assured, you are standing at the precipice of blossoming, if only you will have the courage to keep moving through…..

Emotions can be affected by:

* food (some foods really affect you in the brain first, and the body later – so you may not even realise what you are eating is directly responsible for your mood.)
* dehydration (most people are chronically dehydrated, increasing your water intake to 2L-3L per day will have an immediate impact – try it!) 
* lack of exercise / or too much (hard core exercise in a stressed-out person is counter productive, and can make your stress levels much worse. If you are a couch potato, then you already know this is no good. Get up. Gently walk around the block…and listen to Tony Robbins – you need to move your ass!)
* hormonal imbalance (which can be thrown out by stress, its a vicious cycle, so get your food and water and exercise on track and watch your cycles…if you aren’t regular with a 4-5 day bleed each month, then see a naturopath, or try doTERRA’s Phytoestrogen supplement. It is a god-send for me.)
* too much stress (and not enough tools to help eradicate it.) Self-help is everywhere. Try a yoga class (yin, not Vinyasa/Power) attend a meditation class, use calming essential oils like doTERRA’s Lavender Peace/Serenity or Peace blends.)
* your environment (empaths know what this means!) The people around you can greatly impact your emotions. Spend time with people who make you feel happy and balanced. Stay away from the drainers, and the ones who are bitchy or who bitch about other people to you.
* physical connection (sensual / non sexual touch works wonders for mood.) Holding hands, cuddling with partner or kids, or having a cuddle with your dog/cat is a great way to increase feel good hormones in your brain/body.Ask your partner for a sensual breast massage using doTERRA’s Whisper blend. And tell him “no sex, just touching” – he will be beside himself! 
* chemicals (drugs, perfumes, skin care, cleaning products). Ever had a cleaning headache from the bathroom cleaners you use? Have you noticed it can instantly it affect your mood, giving you a crappy headache and making you sleepy. The same is true for many perfumes – these are a chemical cocktail of toxins that are just waiting to get into your airways and flood your body thru the blood. They have a HUGE impact on the body. Steer clear and using a Pure-Fume like doTerra’s Whisper blend, or Patchouli or Wild Orange.
* Music (radio, news, podcasts, training vids on You Tube) Listening to people whinging about love-lost is not going to inspire a happy mood. So crank up Bon Jovi and rock that mood out. Or maybe Beyonce is more your thing. And get rid of those talk-back radio stations that are filthy or low-brow and encourage stupidity! Also cut back on the violent and salacious tv shows you insist on binge watching. The same goes for reality “fight-fest” tv. What you watch and listen to will affect your mood, and affect your energy field, and you may not even notice it until it is too late.
* memory – I dare you to open a photo album and walk down memory lane and look at your history. See where you came from, re-live the good times. Do this with your kids. Or play the game “remember when ….?” Kids love to be reminded about fun times together, so do this often. 

The key is to listen with attention to your body and to learn how to nourish and care for her.

Emotions as Guideposts:

Knowing how to use your emotions as guideposts is the sign you are turning into your Wise Woman. She is that part of you that is patient, kind, loving and caring to Self. She isn’t afraid to feel, or express, but she knows why she feels the way she does, and can manage her moods and her ups and down with grace and care. 

Allowing the Wise Woman to come forth:

How long has it been since you sat in stillness and listened to your inner wisdom? Your Wise Woman is that part of yourself. She is gentle, so her wisdom isn’t like a punch in the gut – it is that instinctive “knowing”. Like when you have a newborn bub and she is crying her heart out, and you just know how to soothe her and what she likes.
Or when you have a major life decision to make, and your head wants to keep telling you which way to go, but your “gut” says something else….and you go with the head, knowing full well you should have gone with your gut. That is her. She is your Wise Woman.

The best way to re-introduce yourself to her is to begin a daily ritual of saying “thank you for being here” and acknowledging her in your life. When you ignore your gut instinct, you are essentially ignoring a part of yourself.

Take notice of when you suddenly get a sore tummy out of no-where – what is it trying to tell you?
Notice when you finish a massive day at work and your body is aching everywhere – what is it trying to tell you?
Notice when you feel frustration rising up inside of you – what is it trying to tell you?
Notice when you totally lose your shit at the kids/dog/partner – what is it trying to tell you?

You already know the answer, but you still don’t do anything to change your circumstance. The Wise Woman starts to arise when you begin to “know” and she is in full force when you start to make changes due to the knowing.

Your emotional guidance system was created FOR YOU, not to be AGAINST YOU. So allow the feelings and sensations to rise up – take notice, and ask the question “what do I need?”
And let your Wise Woman guide you. 

 

 

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Mindset- everything you need to know to get out of crisis

Mindset is the starting point of making any kind of life changes.

In this blog Belle shares her 5 tips for finding a balanced and focused mindset to help up-level your life, and make it one that is extraordinary. You’ll be surprised to learn it isn’t complicated or fancy – just consistent. 

 

Mindset is everything – you can push yourself for a time, but consistent, focused moving towards your goals comes from a very different place than sheer will. A shift in Mindset needs to come from first making a decision that things need to change – an actual conscious decision to live life a certain way – otherwise everything will be haphazard and not have a purpose or meaning attached to it.

You wouldn’t start a business and drop $1M into it without having a plan for the business – right? So why do we tend to approach life with no plan attached?

Call it a goal? A dream? A vision? Call it whatever you want, but if you want to start living life on your terms and begin living the life You want, then you need to have the right mindset to get you there.

Now you could be the kind of woman who loves affirmations. That’s a positive mindset.

Or you could be the kind of woman who likes a set order and structure to follow. That’s an organised mindset.

You might like to just do what feel right in the moment. Honey, that aint no mindset, that’s a habit of laziness.
Let me explain.

Most people say they want their life to be a certain way. They allow themselves to dream big, they get into the good feeling space, and they ride the good feeling wave of imagining themselves having the things they dream about. But if there are no choices, no decisions, no structure and plan in place about how to get there – then there will probably be nothing coming to fruition, unless you are holding on to luck and crossing fingers and toes.

So how do you come to that place when you are so focused, so determined and so committed to making things happen in your life?

The Answer? When the pain of living “this” way get sooooo incredibly unbearable that you simply MUST take yourself in the direction of your dreams.

Most women I work with  only make the moves when they are in crisis. Including me. My past is full of moments like this. I remember a time in my life when I was literally sensitive to every food you can think of. My body was in total crisis, every food – wheat, dairy, soy, salicilates (that’s a ahcemical in EVERY single fruit and vegetable) – I would react to with hives, asthma, body pain, weakness and severe anxiety. Life was a nightmare, cos I had no idea it was the food I was eating making my life so incredibly hard. A friend said to me “what will it take before you stop eating chocolate if you know it makes you bloated and gives you tummy pain when you eat it?” I responded “It would have to give me diarrhoea before I stopped.”
Guess what happened soon after?

Yup. You guessed it. And it was intense. I had to stop taking the train cos I couldn’t last between stations and I have an aversion to public toilets! (ultimate pain right there!)

My life had to get me to a point of incredible pain discomfort before I would make a healthy – wise – choice for my body. (Don’t get me started on how unhealthy my thinking, my abuse of my own body and my blatant disrespect for myself was – I was 29yrs old at the time, and I really needed a mentor to support me but they really didn’t exist back then.)

 

So why not make a decision to re-focus your mindset on the things you really want in life, before it is either too late, or the pain becomes unbearable?

 

Life is whatever you focus on, and if you are focused on set backs, disappointments and regreat, then that’s probably what is in store for you in the future.

Are you ready to change it NOW?

 

Let’s do it…here is my 5 step guide to getting focused on what you want NOW:

1. Focus on changing your physical state. The way you sit / stand when you are sad, ashamed, depressed, anxious is VERY different to how you sit/stand when you are feeling unstoppable.
So whatever you are doing right now….STAND UP….shake your body out ….feet hip distance apart, feet turned out 45 degrees ….put your hands on your hips..…tits out / shoulders back …chin up…..squeeze your butt muscles and breathe deeply 10 times.
Research has shown that 2mins in the “Wonder Woman Power stance” will increase strong feel good chemicals in your brain which will flow to your whole body. You will then feel clearer and more decisive. This is what you want if you are going to change your life!
Do this every morning for a week….and see how you feel.

  1. Focus on the food you eat….and stop those sugary, processed, fat laden foods entering your body. Just for 5 days. And see how you feel. Don’t give up everything you love. But if it is full of sugar, fake as hell, comes with a label where you cant pronounce any ingredient, just avoid it for 5 days. That’s all. Then see how you feel.
  2. Increase water. No, I didn’t say tea/coffee / soft drink…I said water. Plain ol’ water. Aim for a glass every hour while you are awake. Yep, you’ll probably be friends with the God of the Toilet while your bladder gets used to it, but who cares? You are increasing your hydration! No brain ever worked optimally when it was thirsty and weak. Water will help you think more clearly and with more focus.

Do this for a week and see how you feel.

  1. Get in some movement every day. Not 30mins flat out exercise. Not cross-fit. Not a gym session where you almost vomit. Just move. Take the stairs when you’d normally take a lift. Park further away from the station and walk. Take the dog for an extra walk each day. If you are completely sedentary: Do 10 x squats, push ups, ab crunches and tricep dips every 2hrs. If you have a chronic illness just circle your joints, breathe deeply and get your body moving again.

Do this for a week and see how you feel.

  1. meditate. Sit there. Suck it up. Get comfortable with your discomfort. Meditation is not hard, it just feels excruciating at first. Search on YouTube for a meditation that you like the sound of (for improving your golf game, for anxiety, for stress, for sleep – you name it, and its there.)

Or use this one: https://vimeo.com/237005316 password: Meditation

 

If you want an extraordinary life, then you need to take extraordinary action. This is your starting point, and you are the only person who can do it!

Comment how this felt for you, and what you noticed was different in your life.

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Enter: The Wise Woman

Are you ready to meet your Wise Woman?

You’ve known her all her life. She was there when you were gently brushing your hair in front of the mirror. She was there when you were playing with dolls and lovingly caring for them, whilst your mum commented on what a good “little mother” you were.

She was there when you knew to step away from your boy-crush in school and go back to your girlfriends at the disco, (he was giving you attention, but you knew he was a bit of a sleaze bag.) She was there when you planned a whirlwind adventure and dreamed of quitting your job and travelling off into the sunset with a tall, dark and handsome suitor, but realised that giving up your career for Romeo probably wasn’t going to turn out well.

She was there when you held your best friend as she cried in your arms about the love she had lost. And you whispered to her that she would eventually be okay.

She was there when you held your baby in your arms for the first time and knew in your heart that nothing ever would be the same again.

She was there when you dreamily sat on the balcony with a cuppa in one hand and a pen in another, journaling about your plans for the future.

She was there as you embarked on a new course that helped grow you in ways you never thought possible.

She is YOU. She has always been there.

You are the Wise Woman, just ask your friends and family. Ask your kids if you have them. They will all tell you that they think you are awesome. So when you let go of self-doubt, she is the part of you that inherently knows the path forward, knows the best solution in any situation, and is gentle, and caring and…well, wise.

As she begins to take centre stage in your life you will come to feel her and listen to her. But first it takes an awareness and a trust.

 

I have created the Wise Woman Essentials 6 week online program to help guide you back to the core of who you are. If you would like more information about this program please get in touch. 

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The Wild Woman

 

I feel the call of the wild woman. She is whispering to me through the breeze as I write this laying out on the grass on a warm spring day. She is calling me back to an ancient time where women were revered and honoured as divine incarnations and wondrous, life giving creatures.  A time that was focused on respect for wild woman as the community thrived because the wild woman thrived. This is the call whispering to me on the breeze, gently leading me back to the alignment of me with my source energy.
I love the writing and work of Clarissa Pinkola Estes “Women who run with the wolves” and as I think about her teaching of who the wild woman is, I can see how she is showing up in all aspects of my life in this season of growth and change that I am in, but in truth, she has been there all along.

How do you recognise your wild woman?

She establishes territory

She finds her pack

She is in her body with pride

She is aware and alert

She is intuitive

She embraces her cycles

She rises with dignity

She retains as much consciousness as possible

(Clarissa Pinkola Estes – Women Who Run With The Wolves)

 

Long ago as we woman we lost our voice, our power and our spirit; as a result, our belly has started to lose its fire. Woman has snuffed the passion due to fear of rejection, fear of ridicule and fear of hostility against her.

Wild woman calls me to trust that it is safe to return to the source of my vibrancy again. When I was a child I was chastised for being loud, too playful, too showy, too sexy to the men looking on. I had no idea, but I started to think something was wrong with me for the way I looked and made others feel.

 I was encouraged to sit with my legs crossed, or at least with knees together. I was admonished by my own kind – a female teacher – at the tender and impressionable age of 10, for wearing make up to school. My eyes were rimmed with black as coal lashes and my eyebrows were just as dark. My eye lids were blushed with shades of pink and brown. The palette my eyes had been painted with was not of a make-up kit but created by God and I was somehow made to feel self-conscious and “bad” as I tried really hard to wash it off at the request of the teacher. When the teacher threatened to send me to the principal I cried out “but there is nothing on my face. It is just my eyes.” The teacher let it rest, but she didn’t apologise or step back from her anger. I knew in that moment that something wasn’t quite right with me, and that I needed to not stand out. And I was determined to find out what it was that made me stand out. I was also resolute in deciding that I would be perfect from then on, so that I couldn’t get in trouble. Perfectionism became my way of controlling my world.

I realised that my natural beauty and bright energy that shone forth was scary to other women, especially to those who had long since turned their back on their own wild woman essence. It made them uncomfortable and competitive. Subconsciously it also made them ashamed.

I felt from the inside the pull of my wild woman from a very early age. I loved to admire myself in the mirror and was often touching myself because it felt pleasurable. I would take pride in my appearance and I would be proud of the reflection I saw. I was told “nice girls don’t do that” or “stop showing off”, so I was confused as a child – I could feel the inner energy of pride, self-love and self-acceptance pulling at me. But was I supposed to ignore it? Was it some evil force trying to deceive me? Was I naughty? Or, was I simply under the authority of a woman who had ignored her own wild woman when she came calling for her?

I’ve felt the energy of judgement slam against me from many females during my lifetime. From primary school to high school, to the early years navigating the young adult world of bars and clubs. I reached for and sought out romantic liaisons while at the same time learning how far to step into new social groups before I attracted the viciousness of the female members.
This reminded me of a pack of wolves (or dogs) that were fiercely protecting their own males and after reading Estes’ work, I realise that my wild woman was making the other woman compete and want to fight.

I’ve received hostile glares and rejection because I am a stranger, a beautiful one at that, a wild woman who embraces her sexual fire and isn’t afraid to be consumed by it. But I had to choose between female friends or romantic interludes. One couldn’t possibly have both in groups (or packs) where the other woman who were not yet on fire.

My wild woman taught me early on that I never need compete for a man’s attention (she shudders in horror at The Bachelor), instead I trusted in the divine law of attraction. Knowing that if a man wasn’t into me – and only me – then he wasn’t for me at all. I made young men angry in my early life, as I was ignorant of the power I held, as they mistook my affection and kindness for sexual interest. I was called names like “tease” and “slut” when their gestures were still received by me with legs firmly closed. This made me even more confused and yet more eager to please and be perfect – which in turn made them angrier, as I was then “the full package” – but still my legs wouldn’t open for them. What was I doing wrong? I wondered.

If I can’t be accepted by the women for fear of competition or rejection, and I can’t be accepted by the men for fear of them hating me for their unrequited love….then to whom did I actually belong and where did I fit in?

As so I began to be a lone wolf and run without a pack. A woman without her tribe who drifted in and out of groups and relationships knowing her heart fully belonged to one man – of whom she’d never met, but had felt him calling her to him since she was a little girl.

Consequently, as I grew older and my fire was all but snuffed out, the more ignorant of their own wild woman my “friends” became. Telling me to stay in relationships (like they were doing), living day in day out in relationships that poisoned their spirit and dulled the senses. Their reasoning “you have made a choice” “you are married” and words to that effect. Slowly my internal fire was gone and I was still alive but mostly dead in spirit. My physical body became sicker more often and the lustre in my hair and sparkle in my eyes faded. My wild woman called me and at times my ears pricked up, my skin bristled and my lustful (creative) energy returned and I felt more like “me” (a woman I didn’t know but firmly knew was there somewhere). But it was only for short glorious moments, and then my fire burned out again and I further shrunk into that pathetic small version of myself that I had once scoffed at when I recognised it in other women.

The call of the wild woman is an ancient phenomenon; however it was my modern computer – more specifically – my laptop – that is responsible for helping me to find my pack and re-enter the world of the living. I had never owned a laptop before, and so I was only ever at my computer when I was working. Having young children meant I couldn’t spend hours in my office scrolling the interweb, so I could only ever search for information in short, distracted bursts. Buying a laptop opened a world that I had no previous access to, and from the comfort of my lounge and near my cubs, I was able to step into another world of spiritual growth and community and connection by one google search. I lustily read every page I could let my eyes land on, from magick to mythology to energy healing. My mind was thirsty for information and I drank it in, night after night after night. My husband at the time mocked me asking “why do you want to read that for?” and I would dumb down my responses and not let on that I was doing my soul’s work and I was changing. My mind and spirit were being nourished and I was blossoming again into the woman of inspiration and power that I had once been before.

Forums and community groups were my favourite and I loved the interaction on Facebook with people I had once known and then lost contact with. I was chained to my kids, the house and work through the day light hours but at night when the kids were in bed and my husband was otherwise occupied watching banal tv shows, I would hunt for information of the mystical world of quantum physics and the effect of speaking words of love over water molecules!

 

I howled to the moon each night as I lay in bed next to a perfect stranger, a man who had thought he had tamed me, but had no idea that each day I was waiting to pounce on my prey, growing stronger and braver and more resolute. I took more chances creatively and allowed myself to dream again – for my future and for my children’s future. I practices being intentional in meditation and exercise and food choices and I watched as my physical and emotional body began to be equally as strong as my spiritual body.

 

No longer a lone wolf, I had become a part of a pack of women who were independent, yet dependent on each other for nurturing, care and protection. The unknowing leader of my pack was singer/entertainer Pink, the fiercest of the 

wild women in our modern world. A woman who epitomises what it means to be a wild woman, who blazes the trail proudly and loudly and her energy ignites the spirit of others when their time has come to allow their essence to transition with the call. With her music as my personal sound track I left an unhappy marriage and took my cubs into a new home that valued expression; playfulness and creativity; which essentially breathed life and self-confidence into all of us again.

The wild woman doesn’t cry over spilled milk nor does she admonish her children for accidents. The wild woman soothes her child who is scared she has made a mess, and begins to make milk pictures with her fingers in the milk on the floor. The wild woman fully embraces her children who want to act like a cat, insisting on drinking milk from a bowl on the floor. The wild woman teaches her cubs to be comfortable in her own choices and encourages her to wear dress up clothes to bed or skip the bath and wear day clothes to bed “just this once”.
The older women watching on, who have ignored their wild woman, are horrified by non-conformity to rules. But this wild woman knows her duty to her own female children to keep fanning the fire that already burns brightly inside of them.

For a period I began dating again only to realise with every dinner or lunch or coffee the man I longed for and already knew in my heart, was yet to appear. My wild woman was ready to find her mate. But each time my heart was crushed or I laughed a heaty belly laugh at the ludicrousness of the dates I went on, I realised that something had to change. (I think this is where my Wise Woman began to appear – but she is a story for another time).  I made a deal with God “you choose Him and bring Him to me – because I am crap at this”. And I cried and cried and cried as I surrendered my heart to the One who created me. I had to learn to live without wanting to force anything, but to trust that my beloved would show up in perfect timing. I wrote a letter to my beloved and I used rich romantic tones, I wrote words I had never uttered to another man in my life. Somehow it felt strange yet familiar, almost like I had spoken them to him in another lifetime. I folded the letter, held it to my heart and breathed in what I felt like it would feel to embrace him. This man I attracted to me could not be just any man. He must be emotionally strong, yet vulnerable. He must be incredibly masculine, but in tune with his softer side. He must be romantic and an expert lover, yet teachable and house trainable, and he must have an unwavering desire for me. That is all.

Then I placed the letter in my bedside table – what would be his bedside table- when we finally met.
He appeared in my life six months later, as handsome and chivalrous and lusty as I had imagined he would be. I had dared to dream to find a man who would ignite a spark in me that only my man could ignite, and a man who would be the guard and protector and example to my children as well.

And so that brings me to present age, where I feel the wild woman sitting peacefully in the back ground of my true essence now. She ebbs and flows as needed, guiding me, helping me to create, to lead, to explore and to be adventurous. She teaches me that life is worth fighting for and protecting. And mostly she paves the way for the Wise Woman who always follows the awakening.

With my Wild man by my side we have created a rich and exciting life that breathes on its own and fans its own flame. I have chosen wisely the partner who will run freely with me through highs and valleys, always running at the same pace, and always returning to our essence when life throws us off course.

 

 

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Emotions are your guide post

Not all physical sensations are from a physical place. They are quite often from the emotional body. Let me give you an example:


 You know that sinking feeling you might get when you think of someone who might be in trouble? 
Or that feeling of butterflies right before you have to do public speaking?

What about the sensation of tightness in your chest and you feel like you are going to have a panic attack?

Have you ever had a friend that made me so frustrated you could feel all tight across the chest and hot flushes going up the neck and face?

Do you ever experience times in social situations when you feel totally drained?

I have learned how to work with my “felt sense” – that part of me that feels everything. If you can learn to understand the “language” of your body, talking to you and relaying your emotional body, then you can learn how to let it guide you. 

So what can you do to start becoming aware of your emotional guidance system?

    1. Start by making a choice to become more aware of how your day to day emotions feel in the physical body.
      You can practice this by starting on the GOOD FEELING emotions. So, when you are happy, stop for a moment and ask yourself “where am I feeling happy in my body the most?”
      Then when you are feeling sad, ask yourself “where am I feeling most sad in my body?”
      This isn’t hard to do, but may take some practice before you feel confident identifying the feeling area. 
    2. Once you can identify the feeling you are feeling and where it sits in the body, you can ask why it is there. Only do this for the negative emotions, or the ones that feel more difficult. This way you can almost “make friends” with them, and they wont seem so heavy or oppressive.

 

With practice, you will start to recognise the feeling of the emotion in your body, long before you recognise it in your brain! Then you can make decisions from this.

Invited out with a friend, and you feel heavy in your belly?
Then simply decline with grace, as your body has said “the timing is not right on this one today”.

Offered a promotion at work but you feel immediately tight in your chest? Possibly this is your usual response of panic setting in (self-sabotage?), and you need to work on your self-confidence?
(Book in an energy clearing session to correct this).

Can you imagine how more genuine and heart-centred, your life will become when you learn how to listen to your emotional feedback system, and live from this centre?

If you approach life from your head too much, you may over-think – and think things that aren’t actually there! But if you go from your “feeling sense” you will never go wrong. You will free yourself of negativity and drama, and allow peace and good feeling to grow!

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The Importance of Being Selfish

“Selfish” isn’t a dirty word…in fact it may be the most healthy character trait you can have…..as long as it is accompanied by kindness and love.

 

Taking the time to look after your body regularly through exceptional food, pure water and regular exercise are the first three pillars to good health – you probably already know this as these three pillars have been drummed into those of us born after 1970.  As a society we have come to believe that taking care of these three areas is the best – and most sufficient way – to care for yourself. However, there is a fourth pillar of health that is often forgotten, hidden or shunned – that is the pillar of Emotional Wellbeing. 

This clinic is not just a massage clinic, we are more than that. We are therapists who recognise the importance of emotional wellbeing, and we understand the signs and symptoms that crop up in a body that is not in emotional balance. We call this the Mind Body Connection, and Belle is a leading expert in her field on recognising that every physical symptom has an emotional cause underneath. 
Regular self care is the ONLY way to ensure you are in emotionally balance – and this will look different for everyone. 

Emotional Wellbeing (EW) is the practice of listening to and being guided by that inner voice that speaks to us when things feel a bit “off” and when things feel very right. You can think of EW as being like a rudder on a boat. It helps us to steer and stay on course. I’m not much of a boat person, but I this is a good analogy that can describe the idea:
When you are in a boat and the rudder is slightly turned in the wrong direction it takes a moment or two before you realise you are headed slightly off course. The good thing is you can correct your steering by taking the helm in two hands, and tuning your attention to where you are going. You will get back on course quickly when you recognise your mistake, but it takes a little longer if you aren’t paying attention. And sometimes you can get into serious trouble if you really don’t recognise you are way off course.
Are you with me so far?

Our body has a feedback system that is always helping us to steer in the right direction, it gives us signs and an a “a-hoy there” if we are off course. I prefer to call the gut my “inner wisdom” but you can call it your gut instinct, or intuition too. For many women, they ignore this feedback system because they are so busy caring for other people and making themselves too busy to take time out for themselves. Our modern society prides itself on the ability of a woman to get shit done and to be superwoman. I know countless women who just keep going and going and going…until they fall apart and have to stay in bed for a day or so, and then get up and go and go and go again!

But I am here to tell you that this is the BEST way to start feeling aches and pains in your neck and shoulders, recurrent headaches, sinus infections, persistent coughs and colds and to feel sad or apathetic in your heart. For many women they report feeling like they have “no direction” or “no purpose” even though they have a job, they have a family, they have a partner, they have a house (etc etc) and they don’t see any real reason why they feel so flat, or low or un-energised or just a bit blah.

This is REALLLLLYYYY common in the years after having a baby. Clients will often present with aching in the neck and shoulders, and possibly lower back, but they will put it down to having a very heavy bub, or that they are still breastfeeding etc. Whilst yes, that may be true, there is an underlying emotional imbalance that is weighing heavy on you too. Problem is, when you have babies close together, you get too busy to care for yourself and correct some of the things that start to hurt and feel bad, because you are too busy caring for tiny humans. And so the problems compound until you have more serious aches and pains, and possibly many conditions and diseases to manage.
Often when I ask the simple question “How often do you engage in self-care?”
I get answers such as:
“ummm….”
“not very often”
“what do you mean by ‘self care’?”

Self Care is the act of attending to and caring for the self. It can be through making small choices such as what to eat or what to drink, that is life-giving and energy supporting. Or it can be through making huge life choices such as removing toxic relationships from your life, moving to a new town, changing jobs, or beginning a meditation / fitness program on a weekly basis.

Emotional Wellbeing is reliant upon your ability to put the focus on yourself for a while – especially if you are feeling achey, or despairing, or just a bit “nothingness”. Getting selfish means you are taking the time to look after your own needs, and put yourself first. If anyone has a problem with you putting yourself first simply say to them:
“So you are saying that you have a problem with me looking after myself, because it means I can’t look after you? And that makes me selfish?”

LOL – they have no where to go with this argument. (You’re welcome xx)

So here are my tips for getting selfish with kindness and love, follow them and you will be on the road to feeling better in mind and body:

The food you eat can have a huge impact on your emotional wellbeing. Sugary foods often put you on a high, but then you go through a low a few hours later and you wonder why you feel so irritated with a husband who works long hours and leaves you alone with the kids all day.
Drinking lots of coffee all day – “just to get you through” – has a taxing effect on your adrenal system (your energy system lets call it) and can actually make you have less and less energy as the weeks and months go by. Then you may find yourself with zero energy by the evening, and getting crankier and crankier with the kids (who ALL have a witching hour in the evening!) and with a partner who has no idea he has walked into Jurrassic Park and found a T-Rex in his kitchen.
(Now I am not giving your partner any excuses for his behaviour – it may be crappy, and your crankiness may be justified….but that is a blog for another day.)

Darling, I want to speak to YOU and help you to control the things about YOU that are making your life harder. And you can be sure that skipping breakfast, reaching for toast for lunch (cos it is easy) and eating off your child’s plate (cos it is quicker than making your own lunch) and downing copious amounts of coffee or chocolate all day (cos it makes you feel good) is only adding to the T-Rex Effect each afternoon/evening.
Now I am not saying eating good, clean food in a balanced and healthy way is the be all and end all, but I am yet to meet a client in my clinic who has a clean diet and poor emotional health. Just saying.
Self-care starts with food.

The next thing you need to address follows on from food……drinking. Make sure you limit coffee and tea (unless it is pure, organic and gorgeous tea from a tea maker, not the rubbish in tea bags in the supermarket!) Swap this out for water water and more water. Get your 2L per day and then talk to me about drinking coffee. Water is life. You need it. Drink it. Purified if you can.

The next thing you need to do is breathe more. Consciously, not shallow and hurried, but long deep breaths that fill you up and slow you down. If you don’t know how to do this, then get your bum to a meditation or yin yoga class immediately! YES you can put the kids in care or ask a sitter, or go later at night (don’t do yin in the day time, that’s not what it is for). You CAN do this, and you CAN make changes to your schedule once per week. It is your CHOICE to do this. Breathing deeply helps to soothe your nervous system and will quiet a busy mind. There will be less T-Rex activity when you are feeling more quiet and subdued…and then you can handle the Witching Hour with more grace and self control.

Journal often. This is so good for the soul. It gets things out of your mind and when you re-read what you wrote, it can be a revelation. Practice “Appreciation” for the little things around you. Notice the weather when it feels good to you. Notice your favourite jumper or boots or hat. Be thankful and appreciate you have a nice watch or jewelry that makes you happy. Just notice the things you have around you such as a nice tv or a lounge chair or maybe you have a Thermomix that makes your heart sing? Just notice the material objects you have that make you happy. Avoid noticing what you don’t like, and don’t focus on what you don’t have…that’s not the purpose of this exercise. Just become more Appreciative of what you do have and what you do like.
It is life changing to do this.

Engage in regular bodywork therapies. Choose from massage, Aromatouch therapy, Reiki, Emotion Code, facials, foot treatments and hand massage. Try different things every once in a while and see a new therapist, just for a change. Every therapist you see brings something new to the table (pardon the pun) so treat your body work as a “must do” and intuitively book in a session that interests you and you are curious about.

Body work helps you to unwind, and to find stillness. If you are a talker, try not talking for your next session and see how that feels. Let your therapist know you want to try something different because you are trying to get more in touch with your inner voice. She will be able to support you in this, and maybe guide you into deeper relaxation.

Make this next month all about YOU. Get inward focused and be selfish in a kind and loving way towards yourself. Who knows how you will feel at the end of it? Maybe less aches and pains, or maybe more clarity about what you need in life going forward? Be patient, be consistent and go get selfish!
You deserve it Darling xx

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Re-Ignite Your Passion

What is the #1 thing that makes a woman’s vitality fade?

Answer: Not living and enjoying her passion!

 

When you heart is “just not in it” you will experience more aches and pains, more headaches and more colds and flu. 
This is your body’s way of trying to get your attention. When you are sick, or sore, you spend more time laying or sitting – essentially slowing down, and thinking more.We start to re-evaluate our life and we easily prioritise what is important (sleep more + eat nourishing food + ask for help +gentle movement + quiet cuddles with family). When we feel better again we get over loaded and attempt to do too much, and lose the ability to prioritise the important stuff because we feel that we have to “get everything done”.

As women we have MANY different hats to wear – friend / sister / mother / employee or employer / partner / entrepreneur / supporter / counsellor / volunteer / carer….I could go on. 
Issues start to arise for us when we lose time for ourselves and we start to put everyone and everything else first…..and leave yourself very last. 

When you find your passion – in family or career or hobby or recreation or sport – you will begin to come alive. It is a gentle fire that burns brightly within, lighting you up and fueling your energy. Suddenly you can work (or play) all night, and the more you pour into your passion, the more invigorated you feel! However distractions and responsibilities and external demands can start to weigh you down, and sometimes get the better of you – despite having found your passion.

Personally I have felt my vitality fade – even while I am working in my passion business (ie: the clinic!) It was always an ebb and flow, but I identify losing my vitality when having very young kids, struggling with financial issues from divorce, relationship problems and being a single mum (although the first year was amazing as I re-found Me again!) and learning how to navigate my world as a single woman. Even though I was working in my passion, I still had “life” to deal with. 

So how do you navigate those seasons when life feel a bit “blah” or as I like to say “too vanilla”?

SELF CARE – and knowing how to self soothe is a skill, it takes courage, and commitment. It takes humility and grace. 

I believe this is where self care is of utmost importance. Learning how to take some necessary time out just for YOU, will help to revitalise you from the inside out. Things like gentle yoga, meditation, inspiring workshops, craft classes, enjoying gourmet food, a gorgeous bottle of red, girl-time with friends, alone time with a journal and a bar of Lindt chocolate, a reiki massage or reflexology session. Self healing with EFT and energy balancing – these are all the things I did to help bring me back to my centre, and help me to find the inner fire within again. 

What do you choose to help you find your centre again? What are your special go-to’s that make you feel better?

 The following exercise will help to put things in perspective for you. Put your favourite essential oil on, play some soothing music, take a few deep breaths and then take a moment to write down the answers to these questions:

  1. If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do for your career?
  2. If you had unlimited income, and lots of free time what would your hobbies / recreations / sports be?
  3. If you didn’t have housework to do, how would you spend your free time?
  4. If it was your last week on earth, how would you spend your time?
  5. If you were ordering your last meal, what would it be?
  6. If you could spend time with anyone on this earth, who would it be? Why?

    Your immediate answers to these questions (don’t think too hard), will help you to see more clearly where you are excited and where you need to put more focus in life. If you wrote “jump out of a plane” …but your finances don’t allow this, then what you are really saying is “I want to have more thrills in my life!” So begin to add more thrills in daily life…..
    If you wrote “I want to play professional sport”…but you don’t have the skill, or maybe your body won’t do it anymore, then what you are really saying is “I am passionate about this sport and it lights me up”…so maybe think about how you can bring this sport into your weekly or monthly life in a different way?
    Adulting is hard. There is need for compromise. There is need for patience. But the GOLD comes when you learn how to adapt and make the best out of every situation, in order to learn and to grow. 


I created this clinic to be a refuge for women in a busy and demanding world. Little did I know that in my own dark seasons it would be my refuge too. I want to give a very public “thank you” to my team of therapists and practitioners who helped bring me back to life after my recent struggle with glandular fever (an illness with an emotional cause of “extreme overwhelm and exhaustion, of wanting to hide and retreat”.) My “girls” were gentle with my body during massage treatments (my fav was reiki and foot treatments) and I loved having energy healing sessions with Kali Devi – which helped release the underlying issues that I had no idea were wreaking havoc.

My personal yoga practice of vinyasa yoga came to a stand still, but I was able to employ some yogic principles of very relaxing yoga poses such as Waterfall pose (legs up the wall) – propped up with pillows, and listening to healing meditations from Inna Segal on my iphone.

Most importantly I used my doTERRA essential oils to help gently bring life back to my body. I used Oregano, Frankincense, On Guard daily in veggie capsules (to fight the virus in my body), plus Basil and Vetiver on my feet for adrenal support. I took a tablespoon of coconut oil daily to soothe (or attempt to soothe) my very sore throat. I used peppermint oil to help with my fevers. Lavender and Bergamot in epsom salt baths to soothe my intense body pains. And wild orange to uplift my mind, in my diffuser for days when I just couldn’t get off the couch or bed. My oils gently work on a physical and energetic level, giving me the space I needed to fully heal – not just a bandaid approach, but a truly deep and long lasting healing.

If you feel like you need some help with finding your vitality again – igniting your passion – then book in with Me (Belle) for a Clarity Session – these are FREE 20min phone calls to help you get a deeper understanding of what is dulling your inner fire, and how you can make changes to improve your life!

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Feeling Stuck? Practice Thankfulness & Gratitude daily

 

Who is feeling stuck??? You know the feeling…it is icky, you feel strangled somehow, like you are in a straight jacket and cant wiggle free.
Feeling stuck is the SIGN you were waiting for!!!
Feeling stuck means that it is becoming too uncomfortable for you to stay where you are…and that means things MUST change!

 

Only problem is, we can wriggle a little, wrestle a little, and then we have a bit more breathing room, and then we think “oh, this is all too hard, i think i will just be happy with what i have got” (or similar).
Problem is, we will run out of room again, and again, and again….until the pain of this cycle becomes too much!

I have totally been there! MANY TIMES. It is the sure sign that things can move in the direction of your dreams…if only you will have the courage to keep going.

So HOW DO YOU MOVE THRU YOUR FEELING OF BEING STUCK?

You start writing in a journal….asking these questions daily:

“what do i need to feel fulfilled?”
“what does being fulfilled FEEL like?”
“what is my biggest, most daring, most audacious desire?”
“what would it FEEL like to achieve this?”
“what would my life LOOK and FEEL like if I achieved this?”
“how can i live my BEST life?”
“how can i GIVE BACK?”
“what kind of money do i need to be making each month in order to fulfill my dreams of blessing others and giving back?”

“Universe / God / Divine – please open the door to opportunity and help me to see opportunities as they come to me. Allow my eyes to be opened to joy, to help me be thankful for all that I have, and to have a heart that is wide open to receive all the love possible in this world.”

Practice writing down 3 things you are thankful for in your life every day! Make them small things, make them BIG things….just do this – EVERY DAY for at least a week, and see how your attitude changes.

BE PREPARED for people or situations to try to drag you down! It is a TRAP, and it a privilege to experience the trap because it means that we get to PRACTICE looking for the positive, or things to be thankful for. Only when you can start to see the positive in everything…most things…(looking for the SILVER lining) can you be assured that your mindset is shifting.

Life can be hard for people when we are trained to look for the crappiness,. It is like we are hard wired, from our parents, grandparents, extended family, teachers and social circle, to expect hardship. So often entrepreneurs are faced with negativity from those closest to them (hint: they aren’t entrepreneurs, and they think differently to you!) and it can drag you down. Be sure to practice your thankfulness and positive mindset daily, to ensure that you can be the shining light in this dark and moody world!

Manage your stuck-ness, BREAK THRU and be a light to others! Don’t expect others to follow you, or copy your mindset at first. Just be thankful they are noticing and realising their own “stuckness” too. You will realise when this happens cos people will say “gee you’re always so positive!” (with a tone that infers they think you are weird!)
BE POSITIVE ANYWAY!

If you REALLY want your life to change and look and feel better, you have to make a daily commitment to practice new skills of THANKFULNESS, REFLECTION, and ASKING in order to get there.