The Wild Woman

I feel the call of the wild woman. She is whispering to me through the breeze as I write this laying out on the grass on a warm spring day. She is calling me back to an ancient time where women were revered and honoured as divine incarnations and wondrous, life giving creatures. A time that was focused on respect for wild woman as the community thrived because the wild woman thrived. This is the call whispering to me on the breeze, gently leading me back to the alignment of me with my source energy.
I love the writing and work of Clarissa Pinkola Estes “Women who run with the wolves” and as I think about her teaching of who the wild woman is, I can see how she is showing up in all aspects of my life in this season of growth and change that I am in, but in truth, she has been there all along.

How do you recognise your wild woman?

She establishes territory

She finds her pack

She is in her body with pride

She is aware and alert

She is intuitive

She embraces her cycles

She rises with dignity

She retains as much consciousness as possible

(Clarissa Pinkola Estes – Women Who Run With The Wolves)

Long ago as we woman we lost our voice, our power and our spirit; as a result, our belly has started to lose its fire. Woman has snuffed the passion due to fear of rejection, fear of ridicule and fear of hostility against her.

Wild woman calls me to trust that it is safe to return to the source of my vibrancy again. When I was a child I was chastised for being loud, too playful, too showy, too sexy to the men looking on. I had no idea, but I started to think something was wrong with me for the way I looked and made others feel.

I was encouraged to sit with my legs crossed, or at least with knees together. I was admonished by my own kind – a female teacher – at the tender and impressionable age of 10, for wearing make up to school. My eyes were rimmed with black as coal lashes and my eyebrows were just as dark. My eye lids were blushed with shades of pink and brown. The palette my eyes had been painted with was not of a make-up kit but created by God and I was somehow made to feel self-conscious and “bad” as I tried really hard to wash it off at the request of the teacher. When the teacher threatened to send me to the principal I cried out “but there is nothing on my face. It is just my eyes.” The teacher let it rest, but she didn’t apologise or step back from her anger. I knew in that moment that something wasn’t quite right with me, and that I needed to not stand out. And I was determined to find out what it was that made me stand out. I was also resolute in deciding that I would be perfect from then on, so that I couldn’t get in trouble. Perfectionism became my way of controlling my world.

I realised that my natural beauty and bright energy that shone forth was scary to other women, especially to those who had long since turned their back on their own wild woman essence. It made them uncomfortable and competitive. Subconsciously it also made them ashamed.

I felt from the inside the pull of my wild woman from a very early age. I loved to admire myself in the mirror and was often touching myself because it felt pleasurable. I would take pride in my appearance and I would be proud of the reflection I saw. I was told “nice girls don’t do that” or “stop showing off”, so I was confused as a child – I could feel the inner energy of pride, self-love and self-acceptance pulling at me. But was I supposed to ignore it? Was it some evil force trying to deceive me? Was I naughty? Or, was I simply under the authority of a woman who had ignored her own wild woman when she came calling for her?

I’ve felt the energy of judgement slam against me from many females during my lifetime. From primary school to high school, to the early years navigating the young adult world of bars and clubs. I reached for and sought out romantic liaisons while at the same time learning how far to step into new social groups before I attracted the viciousness of the female members.
This reminded me of a pack of wolves (or dogs) that were fiercely protecting their own males and after reading Estes’ work, I realise that my wild woman was making the other woman compete and want to fight.

I’ve received hostile glares and rejection because I am a stranger, a beautiful one at that, a wild woman who embraces her sexual fire and isn’t afraid to be consumed by it. But I had to choose between female friends or romantic interludes. One couldn’t possibly have both in groups (or packs) where the other woman who were not yet on fire.

My wild woman taught me early on that I never need compete for a man’s attention (she shudders in horror at The Bachelor), instead I trusted in the divine law of attraction. Knowing that if a man wasn’t into me – and only me – then he wasn’t for me at all. I made young men angry in my early life, as I was ignorant of the power I held, as they mistook my affection and kindness for sexual interest. I was called names like “tease” and “slut” when their gestures were still received by me with legs firmly closed. This made me even more confused and yet more eager to please and be perfect – which in turn made them angrier, as I was then “the full package” – but still my legs wouldn’t open for them. What was I doing wrong? I wondered.

If I can’t be accepted by the women for fear of competition or rejection, and I can’t be accepted by the men for fear of them hating me for their unrequited love….then to whom did I actually belong and where did I fit in?

As so I began to be a lone wolf and run without a pack. A woman without her tribe who drifted in and out of groups and relationships knowing her heart fully belonged to one man – of whom she’d never met, but had felt him calling her to him since she was a little girl.

Consequently, as I grew older and my fire was all but snuffed out, the more ignorant of their own wild woman my “friends” became. Telling me to stay in relationships (like they were doing), living day in day out in relationships that poisoned their spirit and dulled the senses. Their reasoning “you have made a choice” “you are married” and words to that effect. Slowly my internal fire was gone and I was still alive but mostly dead in spirit. My physical body became sicker more often and the lustre in my hair and sparkle in my eyes faded. My wild woman called me and at times my ears pricked up, my skin bristled and my lustful (creative) energy returned and I felt more like “me” (a woman I didn’t know but firmly knew was there somewhere). But it was only for short glorious moments, and then my fire burned out again and I further shrunk into that pathetic small version of myself that I had once scoffed at when I recognised it in other women.

The call of the wild woman is an ancient phenomenon; however it was my modern computer – more specifically – my laptop – that is responsible for helping me to find my pack and re-enter the world of the living. I had never owned a laptop before, and so I was only ever at my computer when I was working. Having young children meant I couldn’t spend hours in my office scrolling the interweb, so I could only ever search for information in short, distracted bursts. Buying a laptop opened a world that I had no previous access to, and from the comfort of my lounge and near my cubs, I was able to step into another world of spiritual growth and community and connection by one google search. I lustily read every page I could let my eyes land on, from magick to mythology to energy healing. My mind was thirsty for information and I drank it in, night after night after night. My husband at the time mocked me asking “why do you want to read that for?” and I would dumb down my responses and not let on that I was doing my soul’s work and I was changing. My mind and spirit were being nourished and I was blossoming again into the woman of inspiration and power that I had once been before.

Forums and community groups were my favourite and I loved the interaction on Facebook with people I had once known and then lost contact with. I was chained to my kids, the house and work through the day light hours but at night when the kids were in bed and my husband was otherwise occupied watching banal tv shows, I would hunt for information of the mystical world of quantum physics and the effect of speaking words of love over water molecules!

I howled to the moon each night as I lay in bed next to a perfect stranger, a man who had thought he had tamed me, but had no idea that each day I was waiting to pounce on my prey, growing stronger and braver and more resolute. I took more chances creatively and allowed myself to dream again – for my future and for my children’s future. I practices being intentional in meditation and exercise and food choices and I watched as my physical and emotional body began to be equally as strong as my spiritual body.

No longer a lone wolf, I had become a part of a pack of women who were independent, yet dependent on each other for nurturing, care and protection. The unknowing leader of my pack was singer/entertainer Pink, the fiercest of the

wild women in our modern world. A woman who epitomises what it means to be a wild woman, who blazes the trail proudly and loudly and her energy ignites the spirit of others when their time has come to allow their essence to transition with the call. With her music as my personal sound track I left an unhappy marriage and took my cubs into a new home that valued expression; playfulness and creativity; which essentially breathed life and self-confidence into all of us again.

The wild woman doesn’t cry over spilled milk nor does she admonish her children for accidents. The wild woman soothes her child who is scared she has made a mess, and begins to make milk pictures with her fingers in the milk on the floor. The wild woman fully embraces her children who want to act like a cat, insisting on drinking milk from a bowl on the floor. The wild woman teaches her cubs to be comfortable in her own choices and encourages her to wear dress up clothes to bed or skip the bath and wear day clothes to bed “just this once”.
The older women watching on, who have ignored their wild woman, are horrified by non-conformity to rules. But this wild woman knows her duty to her own female children to keep fanning the fire that already burns brightly inside of them.

For a period I began dating again only to realise with every dinner or lunch or coffee the man I longed for and already knew in my heart, was yet to appear. My wild woman was ready to find her mate. But each time my heart was crushed or I laughed a heaty belly laugh at the ludicrousness of the dates I went on, I realised that something had to change. (I think this is where my Wise Woman began to appear – but she is a story for another time). I made a deal with God “you choose Him and bring Him to me – because I am crap at this”. And I cried and cried and cried as I surrendered my heart to the One who created me. I had to learn to live without wanting to force anything, but to trust that my beloved would show up in perfect timing. I wrote a letter to my beloved and I used rich romantic tones, I wrote words I had never uttered to another man in my life. Somehow it felt strange yet familiar, almost like I had spoken them to him in another lifetime. I folded the letter, held it to my heart and breathed in what I felt like it would feel to embrace him. This man I attracted to me could not be just any man. He must be emotionally strong, yet vulnerable. He must be incredibly masculine, but in tune with his softer side. He must be romantic and an expert lover, yet teachable and house trainable, and he must have an unwavering desire for me. That is all.

Then I placed the letter in my bedside table – what would be his bedside table- when we finally met.
He appeared in my life six months later, as handsome and chivalrous and lusty as I had imagined he would be. I had dared to dream to find a man who would ignite a spark in me that only my man could ignite, and a man who would be the guard and protector and example to my children as well.

And so that brings me to present age, where I feel the wild woman sitting peacefully in the back ground of my true essence now. She ebbs and flows as needed, guiding me, helping me to create, to lead, to explore and to be adventurous. She teaches me that life is worth fighting for and protecting. And mostly she paves the way for the Wise Woman who always follows the awakening.

With my Wild man by my side we have created a rich and exciting life that breathes on its own and fans its own flame. I have chosen wisely the partner who will run freely with me through highs and valleys, always running at the same pace, and always returning to our essence when life throws us off course.

05/09/201705/09/2017

6 benefits of massage you may not know

1) Massage is the Anti-Dote to sitting

Most people in this modern world exist in a desk-bound, car-bound life-style. The pressure this puts on our spinal column causes all kinds of tension and pain in the neck and shoulders.

However if you are sitting in a desk most of your waking life (9-5pm full time office workers beware) then more serious forms of stress will start to manifest in the lower back area too.

Research has shown, however that regular fortnightly massage can help re-balance your back muscles and keep you in your job and off compo! So just be sure to schedule your massage as this is an integral part of a healthy work/life balance.

2) Massage eases back pain

The Touch Research Institute (TRI) in Miami, FL has shown that regular massage increases blood flow to the muscles and alleviates the sensation of pain felt by patients. So if you stand up after a long period of sitting, and reach to your lower back and feel stiff and sore, then a “prescription” of fortnightly remedial massage is just what the doctor should be ordering you (NOT anti inflammatory drugs and endone).

Massage increases blood flow to muscles and helps to break up fibrous tissues (which cause pain). Increase blood flow improves flexibility in the muscles and reduces the chance of muscle spasm (felt when you “put your back out” reaching for a shoe on the floor) and muscle tearing (this isn’t good, and this alone should be your reason for booking preventative massage!)

3) Massage eases anxiety and depression and stress

The benefits of soothing, supportive nurturing touch are the basis for any good relationship – including with your massage therapist. With the right therapist, you can receive “body counselling” as well as physical stretching, and massage. Regular visits with your massage therapist creates more than just a good feeling in your muscular body – it creates good feeling in your brain as well.
Positive touch – especially for people who are not in close intimate relationships – can boost mood and improve overall feelings of happiness.
And for pregnant women, the news is even better: the TRI has found that just 20mins massage each week over 12 weeks significantly reduced the rate of depression in their pregnant patients, and also reduced the amount of stress hormone – cortisol – that was in the mum (and bub’s) body! DOUBLE win!

Depression is a major ailment affecting around 1 million Australian adults , and over 2 million have anxiety. Research has shown that teens and adults who receive regular massage have lower stress levels and report feeling much more relaxed and happy. (Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry). Considering anti-depressants are being handed out like lollies, and have a heap of side effects, surely a visit to the massage clinic fortnightly would be a better way to manage depression?

When you combine massage therapy and energy healing and counselling your experience becomes much more than just a “feel good” appointment. Belle offers deep healing and transformation appointments, because she combines the best of three worlds: talking therapy and energy healing and massage therapy. Her appointments are in hot demand, because her clients walk in stressed, angry and frustrated with pain in their neck and shoulders and back, and walk out lighter, calmer and pain free. This is because when the emotional body is stressed it gives you physical symptoms. Remove the emotional stress and the physical pain ease.

4) Massage improves sleep habits

Massage helps to sedate and soothe the nervous system. Most adults aren’t getting enough restful, deep sleep every night. We call it Sleep Hygiene, and to be honest the majority of the population are filthy according to sleep standards!

You’ve heard of the “fight or flight” response of your nervous system? And no doubt you have felt that second wind you get around 11pm at night….that moment during GoT where your eyes are getting heavy and you know you should turn the TV off, but it is so engrossing, and you really must keep watching to see if Tyrion is going to be killed, and then the plot changes suddenly and WHAM! you are wide awake again. You nudge your partner and say “want to watch another ep?”
Suddenly you are so awake you feel amazing and you grab some chips from the kitchen and a cuppa and then you can’t get to sleep until 1am when your eyes finally start to droop (and have watched another 3 eps).
Don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about!

This is a huge disruption in your circadian rhythms and if you miss your sleep cues you are screwed for another few hours.
Massage will help your nervous system to re-boot and relax, meaning it will help you to settle yourself easier later in the night -it doesn’t matter what time of day you have a massage – but only YOU can make a choice to get up and turn the telly off at 9.45pm and start getting ready for bed.

Game of Thrones aside, massage improves sleep for both the young and old alike! This is music to every new mum and dad’s ears! Baby massage has long been used to help new parents bond with their newborn, but the possibility of helping their child sleep like…ahem…”a baby” is even more of a reason for learning baby massage. Don’t you think?

Soothing massage with pure lavender or chamomile oil can help ease tummy pains, and has been shown to improve digestion and sleep/wake cycles. So it is worth starting off early with your kids and spending some time each day giving them a quick tummy or foot massage.

Massage also encourages a restful sleep for those who can’t otherwise comfortably rest. Oncology massage is a perfect way to help clients who are undergoing treatment, or just finished treatment. The technique is softer and more gentle and the emphasis is on pure comfort (both Tamara and Ange are fully qualified Oncology Massage Therapists).

5) Massage boosts immunity

In this, our worst Flu season in YEARS, this is music to your ears right? The prevention for flu is a regular massage? Possibly. Cedars Sinai conducted research that showed Swedish or “light touch” massage improves the immune system function after just 45mins massage.

This is exciting news, because it proves what we already know – there is a time and place for deep tissue massage – but NOT when you are feeling under the weather. In our clinic our policy is: If you are feverish, sneezing or coughing, you cannot come for massage (you will pass on germs), but if you are Post-Viral, or just feel like something is coming on, then a Relaxation massage is definitely what the doctor ordered!

6) Massage eases PMS

SHOUT IT OUT LADIES – this is your MASSIVE EXCUSE to tell your partner you need to dedicate some of the household budget to fortnightly massage therapy! I bet you that he will agree to anything you want, if he knows massage will help put the T-Rex in it’s box!

Joking aside, massage therapy twice per month decreases anxiety, depressed mood and pain associated with cramping and the longer term effects of massage therapy included a reduction in pain and water retention and overall menstrual distress. (Hernandez-Reif, M, Martinez , A., Field, T., Quintino, O., Hart, S., & Burman, I. (2000). Premenstrual syndrome symptoms are relieved by massage therapy. Journal of Psychosomatic Obstetrics & Gynecology, 21, 9-15.)

01/09/201701/09/2017

Emotions are your guide post

Not all physical sensations are from a physical place. They are quite often from the emotional body. Let me give you an example:

You know that sinking feeling you might get when you think of someone who might be in trouble?
Or that feeling of butterflies right before you have to do public speaking?

What about the sensation of tightness in your chest and you feel like you are going to have a panic attack?

Have you ever had a friend that made me so frustrated you could feel all tight across the chest and hot flushes going up the neck and face?

Do you ever experience times in social situations when you feel totally drained?

I have learned how to work with my “felt sense” – that part of me that feels everything. If you can learn to understand the “language” of your body, talking to you and relaying your emotional body, then you can learn how to let it guide you.

So what can you do to start becoming aware of your emotional guidance system?

1. Start by making a choice to become more aware of how your day to day emotions feel in the physical body.
  You can practice this by starting on the GOOD FEELING emotions. So, when you are happy, stop for a moment and ask yourself “where am I feeling happy in my body the most?”
  Then when you are feeling sad, ask yourself “where am I feeling most sad in my body?”
  This isn’t hard to do, but may take some practice before you feel confident identifying the feeling area.
2. Once you can identify the feeling you are feeling and where it sits in the body, you can ask why it is there. Only do this for the negative emotions, or the ones that feel more difficult. This way you can almost “make friends” with them, and they wont seem so heavy or oppressive.

With practice, you will start to recognise the feeling of the emotion in your body, long before you recognise it in your brain! Then you can make decisions from this.

Invited out with a friend, and you feel heavy in your belly?
Then simply decline with grace, as your body has said “the timing is not right on this one today”.

Offered a promotion at work but you feel immediately tight in your chest? Possibly this is your usual response of panic setting in (self-sabotage?), and you need to work on your self-confidence?
(Book in an energy clearing session to correct this).

Can you imagine how more genuine and heart-centred, your life will become when you learn how to listen to your emotional feedback system, and live from this centre?

If you approach life from your head too much, you may over-think – and think things that aren’t actually there! But if you go from your “feeling sense” you will never go wrong. You will free yourself of negativity and drama, and allow peace and good feeling to grow!

03/05/2017

The Importance of Being Selfish

“Selfish” isn’t a dirty word…in fact it may be the most healthy character trait you can have…..as long as it is accompanied by kindness and love.

Taking the time to look after your body regularly through exceptional food, pure water and regular exercise are the first three pillars to good health – you probably already know this as these three pillars have been drummed into those of us born after 1970. As a society we have come to believe that taking care of these three areas is the best – and most sufficient way – to care for yourself. However, there is a fourth pillar of health that is often forgotten, hidden or shunned – that is the pillar of Emotional Wellbeing.

This clinic is not just a massage clinic, we are more than that. We are therapists who recognise the importance of emotional wellbeing, and we understand the signs and symptoms that crop up in a body that is not in emotional balance. We call this the Mind Body Connection, and Belle is a leading expert in her field on recognising that every physical symptom has an emotional cause underneath.
Regular self care is the ONLY way to ensure you are in emotionally balance – and this will look different for everyone.

Emotional Wellbeing (EW) is the practice of listening to and being guided by that inner voice that speaks to us when things feel a bit “off” and when things feel very right. You can think of EW as being like a rudder on a boat. It helps us to steer and stay on course. I’m not much of a boat person, but I this is a good analogy that can describe the idea:
When you are in a boat and the rudder is slightly turned in the wrong direction it takes a moment or two before you realise you are headed slightly off course. The good thing is you can correct your steering by taking the helm in two hands, and tuning your attention to where you are going. You will get back on course quickly when you recognise your mistake, but it takes a little longer if you aren’t paying attention. And sometimes you can get into serious trouble if you really don’t recognise you are way off course.
Are you with me so far?

Our body has a feedback system that is always helping us to steer in the right direction, it gives us signs and an a “a-hoy there” if we are off course. I prefer to call the gut my “inner wisdom” but you can call it your gut instinct, or intuition too. For many women, they ignore this feedback system because they are so busy caring for other people and making themselves too busy to take time out for themselves. Our modern society prides itself on the ability of a woman to get shit done and to be superwoman. I know countless women who just keep going and going and going…until they fall apart and have to stay in bed for a day or so, and then get up and go and go and go again!

But I am here to tell you that this is the BEST way to start feeling aches and pains in your neck and shoulders, recurrent headaches, sinus infections, persistent coughs and colds and to feel sad or apathetic in your heart. For many women they report feeling like they have “no direction” or “no purpose” even though they have a job, they have a family, they have a partner, they have a house (etc etc) and they don’t see any real reason why they feel so flat, or low or un-energised or just a bit blah.

This is REALLLLLYYYY common in the years after having a baby. Clients will often present with aching in the neck and shoulders, and possibly lower back, but they will put it down to having a very heavy bub, or that they are still breastfeeding etc. Whilst yes, that may be true, there is an underlying emotional imbalance that is weighing heavy on you too. Problem is, when you have babies close together, you get too busy to care for yourself and correct some of the things that start to hurt and feel bad, because you are too busy caring for tiny humans. And so the problems compound until you have more serious aches and pains, and possibly many conditions and diseases to manage.
Often when I ask the simple question “How often do you engage in self-care?”
I get answers such as:
“ummm….”
“not very often”
“what do you mean by ‘self care’?”

Self Care is the act of attending to and caring for the self. It can be through making small choices such as what to eat or what to drink, that is life-giving and energy supporting. Or it can be through making huge life choices such as removing toxic relationships from your life, moving to a new town, changing jobs, or beginning a meditation / fitness program on a weekly basis.

Emotional Wellbeing is reliant upon your ability to put the focus on yourself for a while – especially if you are feeling achey, or despairing, or just a bit “nothingness”. Getting selfish means you are taking the time to look after your own needs, and put yourself first. If anyone has a problem with you putting yourself first simply say to them:
“So you are saying that you have a problem with me looking after myself, because it means I can’t look after you? And that makes me selfish?”

LOL – they have no where to go with this argument. (You’re welcome xx)

So here are my tips for getting selfish with kindness and love, follow them and you will be on the road to feeling better in mind and body:

The food you eat can have a huge impact on your emotional wellbeing. Sugary foods often put you on a high, but then you go through a low a few hours later and you wonder why you feel so irritated with a husband who works long hours and leaves you alone with the kids all day.
Drinking lots of coffee all day – “just to get you through” – has a taxing effect on your adrenal system (your energy system lets call it) and can actually make you have less and less energy as the weeks and months go by. Then you may find yourself with zero energy by the evening, and getting crankier and crankier with the kids (who ALL have a witching hour in the evening!) and with a partner who has no idea he has walked into Jurrassic Park and found a T-Rex in his kitchen.
(Now I am not giving your partner any excuses for his behaviour – it may be crappy, and your crankiness may be justified….but that is a blog for another day.)

Darling, I want to speak to YOU and help you to control the things about YOU that are making your life harder. And you can be sure that skipping breakfast, reaching for toast for lunch (cos it is easy) and eating off your child’s plate (cos it is quicker than making your own lunch) and downing copious amounts of coffee or chocolate all day (cos it makes you feel good) is only adding to the T-Rex Effect each afternoon/evening.
Now I am not saying eating good, clean food in a balanced and healthy way is the be all and end all, but I am yet to meet a client in my clinic who has a clean diet and poor emotional health. Just saying.
Self-care starts with food.

The next thing you need to address follows on from food……drinking. Make sure you limit coffee and tea (unless it is pure, organic and gorgeous tea from a tea maker, not the rubbish in tea bags in the supermarket!) Swap this out for water water and more water. Get your 2L per day and then talk to me about drinking coffee. Water is life. You need it. Drink it. Purified if you can.

The next thing you need to do is breathe more. Consciously, not shallow and hurried, but long deep breaths that fill you up and slow you down. If you don’t know how to do this, then get your bum to a meditation or yin yoga class immediately! YES you can put the kids in care or ask a sitter, or go later at night (don’t do yin in the day time, that’s not what it is for). You CAN do this, and you CAN make changes to your schedule once per week. It is your CHOICE to do this. Breathing deeply helps to soothe your nervous system and will quiet a busy mind. There will be less T-Rex activity when you are feeling more quiet and subdued…and then you can handle the Witching Hour with more grace and self control.

Journal often. This is so good for the soul. It gets things out of your mind and when you re-read what you wrote, it can be a revelation. Practice “Appreciation” for the little things around you. Notice the weather when it feels good to you. Notice your favourite jumper or boots or hat. Be thankful and appreciate you have a nice watch or jewelry that makes you happy. Just notice the things you have around you such as a nice tv or a lounge chair or maybe you have a Thermomix that makes your heart sing? Just notice the material objects you have that make you happy. Avoid noticing what you don’t like, and don’t focus on what you don’t have…that’s not the purpose of this exercise. Just become more Appreciative of what you do have and what you do like.
It is life changing to do this.

Engage in regular bodywork therapies. Choose from massage, Aromatouch therapy, Reiki, Emotion Code, facials, foot treatments and hand massage. Try different things every once in a while and see a new therapist, just for a change. Every therapist you see brings something new to the table (pardon the pun) so treat your body work as a “must do” and intuitively book in a session that interests you and you are curious about.

Body work helps you to unwind, and to find stillness. If you are a talker, try not talking for your next session and see how that feels. Let your therapist know you want to try something different because you are trying to get more in touch with your inner voice. She will be able to support you in this, and maybe guide you into deeper relaxation.

Make this next month all about YOU. Get inward focused and be selfish in a kind and loving way towards yourself. Who knows how you will feel at the end of it? Maybe less aches and pains, or maybe more clarity about what you need in life going forward? Be patient, be consistent and go get selfish!
You deserve it Darling xx

03/04/201703/04/2017

Re-Ignite Your Passion

What is the #1 thing that makes a woman’s vitality fade?

Answer: Not living and enjoying her passion!

When you heart is “just not in it” you will experience more aches and pains, more headaches and more colds and flu.
This is your body’s way of trying to get your attention. When you are sick, or sore, you spend more time laying or sitting – essentially slowing down, and thinking more.We start to re-evaluate our life and we easily prioritise what is important (sleep more + eat nourishing food + ask for help +gentle movement + quiet cuddles with family). When we feel better again we get over loaded and attempt to do too much, and lose the ability to prioritise the important stuff because we feel that we have to “get everything done”.

As women we have MANY different hats to wear – friend / sister / mother / employee or employer / partner / entrepreneur / supporter / counsellor / volunteer / carer….I could go on.
Issues start to arise for us when we lose time for ourselves and we start to put everyone and everything else first…..and leave yourself very last.

When you find your passion – in family or career or hobby or recreation or sport – you will begin to come alive. It is a gentle fire that burns brightly within, lighting you up and fueling your energy. Suddenly you can work (or play) all night, and the more you pour into your passion, the more invigorated you feel! However distractions and responsibilities and external demands can start to weigh you down, and sometimes get the better of you – despite having found your passion.

Personally I have felt my vitality fade – even while I am working in my passion business (ie: the clinic!) It was always an ebb and flow, but I identify losing my vitality when having very young kids, struggling with financial issues from divorce, relationship problems and being a single mum (although the first year was amazing as I re-found Me again!) and learning how to navigate my world as a single woman. Even though I was working in my passion, I still had “life” to deal with.

So how do you navigate those seasons when life feel a bit “blah” or as I like to say “too vanilla”?

SELF CARE – and knowing how to self soothe is a skill, it takes courage, and commitment. It takes humility and grace.

I believe this is where self care is of utmost importance. Learning how to take some necessary time out just for YOU, will help to revitalise you from the inside out. Things like gentle yoga, meditation, inspiring workshops, craft classes, enjoying gourmet food, a gorgeous bottle of red, girl-time with friends, alone time with a journal and a bar of Lindt chocolate, a reiki massage or reflexology session. Self healing with EFT and energy balancing – these are all the things I did to help bring me back to my centre, and help me to find the inner fire within again.

What do you choose to help you find your centre again? What are your special go-to’s that make you feel better?

The following exercise will help to put things in perspective for you. Put your favourite essential oil on, play some soothing music, take a few deep breaths and then take a moment to write down the answers to these questions:

If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do for your career?
If you had unlimited income, and lots of free time what would your hobbies / recreations / sports be?
If you didn’t have housework to do, how would you spend your free time?
If it was your last week on earth, how would you spend your time?
If you were ordering your last meal, what would it be?
If you could spend time with anyone on this earth, who would it be? Why?
Your immediate answers to these questions (don’t think too hard), will help you to see more clearly where you are excited and where you need to put more focus in life. If you wrote “jump out of a plane” …but your finances don’t allow this, then what you are really saying is “I want to have more thrills in my life!” So begin to add more thrills in daily life…..
If you wrote “I want to play professional sport”…but you don’t have the skill, or maybe your body won’t do it anymore, then what you are really saying is “I am passionate about this sport and it lights me up”…so maybe think about how you can bring this sport into your weekly or monthly life in a different way?
Adulting is hard. There is need for compromise. There is need for patience. But the GOLD comes when you learn how to adapt and make the best out of every situation, in order to learn and to grow.

I created this clinic to be a refuge for women in a busy and demanding world. Little did I know that in my own dark seasons it would be my refuge too. I want to give a very public “thank you” to my team of therapists and practitioners who helped bring me back to life after my recent struggle with glandular fever (an illness with an emotional cause of “extreme overwhelm and exhaustion, of wanting to hide and retreat”.) My “girls” were gentle with my body during massage treatments (my fav was reiki and foot treatments) and I loved having energy healing sessions with Kali Devi – which helped release the underlying issues that I had no idea were wreaking havoc.

My personal yoga practice of vinyasa yoga came to a stand still, but I was able to employ some yogic principles of very relaxing yoga poses such as Waterfall pose (legs up the wall) – propped up with pillows, and listening to healing meditations from Inna Segal on my iphone.

Most importantly I used my doTERRA essential oils to help gently bring life back to my body. I used Oregano, Frankincense, On Guard daily in veggie capsules (to fight the virus in my body), plus Basil and Vetiver on my feet for adrenal support. I took a tablespoon of coconut oil daily to soothe (or attempt to soothe) my very sore throat. I used peppermint oil to help with my fevers. Lavender and Bergamot in epsom salt baths to soothe my intense body pains. And wild orange to uplift my mind, in my diffuser for days when I just couldn’t get off the couch or bed. My oils gently work on a physical and energetic level, giving me the space I needed to fully heal – not just a bandaid approach, but a truly deep and long lasting healing.

If you feel like you need some help with finding your vitality again – igniting your passion – then book in with Me (Belle) for a Clarity Session – these are FREE 20min phone calls to help you get a deeper understanding of what is dulling your inner fire, and how you can make changes to improve your life!

07/02/201707/02/2017

Is everyone but YOU getting pregnant?

How to deal with the pain and disappointment when everyone around you is getting pregnant

I LOVE this blog by Katie Ryan from Newcastle. This sums up exactly how MANY of my clients feel….have you ever felt like this? Lets try and remove the social stigma associated with not being able to conceive and just support each other – learn from each other – and walk alongside each other during this difficult time.

When you first start trying to conceive and you see a pregnant belly, you grin knowingly at yourself and think “That will be me soon”.

Then the months go by and you start to feel stuck in the slow lane, watching other women zoom by and get pregnant while the only thing you’re growing is a burning hunk of fertility road rage.

Pregnancy announcements go from squeal and hug fests to stab-me-in-the-heart-athons.

You start making up excuses not to go to baby showers because you should be buying adorable clothes for your own little one by now.

And if one more friend says she got pregnant when she wasn’t even trying, you might need a good lawyer.

So how can you keep it together when everyone else is getting what you want and you’re still waiting?

#1 Feel the pain

You can’t avoid pain altogether but you can keep it to a minimum. Feel the pain. Breathe it in. Let it flow through you and out again. Trying to push the hurt away just creates a block for you. When you hear someone’s baby news, go somewhere private and absorb it. See yourself breathe it in as if you were inhaling a cloud of light. Imagine it flowing into your body then out again when you exhale. Repeat until the pain subsides. You don’t need to hold onto the hurt, you just need to acknowledge it and let it pass through. Feel it briefly now so you’re not hurt by it forever.

#2 Say thank you

The universe has just reminded you of what you want. You think about having a baby so much that of course there are going to be babies all around you. That’s how the universal laws work: you get more of what you focus on. There’s a place inside you where you can take the jealousy, bitterness and anger and turn it into gratitude. Seriously. There’s a little place in your heart from where you can whisper to the universe “Thank you for helping me remember what I want and why I’m working so hard to be healthy and fertile”. Then use all those feelings as motivation to keep doing what you need to do, like eating whole foods, drinking lots of water and keeping your stress levels low.

#3 Level up

Every choreographed baby announcement and glittering gender reveal party is helping you to get on the same wavelength as those women who are having babies. It’s the fertility equivalent of rolling around naked on a pile of $1 bills and imagining they’re $100 bills – it’s helping you get in the zone for what you want. Energetically speaking, the more time you spend with babies and pregnant women, the closer you get to being pregnant and having your own baby. Not to mention it’s great preparation and learning so you’re in the know when your time comes. So open your arms and your heart to all the baby shower invitations and visits with newborns – they’re getting you closer and closer to your own.

#4 Don’t take it personally

I know it hurts because they have what you want but you can’t compare their situation with yours. Everyone takes their own path to parenthood and whether it’s taken them a month or a decade to get pregnant, they still deserve it. Just like high school, making a baby is an “eyes on your own paper” kind of event. Forget what everyone else is doing, what worked for them, and which pill, potion or lubricant you can try next. You have to find your own way by unravelling the unique baby recipe that is just for you and your partner.

#5 Remember who’s in charge

The most important thing to remember is that you are in charge of your own fertility. You have the power to bring your little one through and the best thing you can do is connect with your body’s wisdom and follow what it tells you. Slow down, make space, get to know yourself. Listen to the inner voice that has all your answers. Remember that health comes before fertility so get both of you healthy.

If you think you’ve tried everything to make your baby, I can guarantee you there’s more that you can do. Let that be a comforting thought: you’re not done yet, you just need to find the missing puzzle piece.

by KATIE RYAN

14/12/201614/12/2016

Try Working Softer, not Harder

You know the drill, it is splashed all over Facebook and instagram memes:

work hard – play hard

But I am calling B******t on this, and taking a stand for women (and men) everywhere who are TIRED, BURNED OUT, FEELING LIKE A FAILURE and just want to pull the covers up over their heads and hide for a while.
For the last year I have been working harder than I ever have, and have played less than I ever have. The reason? I’m trying to “get ahead”. But how has that worked out for me? I am now reduced to a shadow of my former vibrancy because I have glandular fever / mono, and my body and mind is completely exhausted.

So what is the problem? The problem for me is that this motto of “work hard, play hard” is not actually true for me. It isn’t congruent to my values and certainly does not fit my lifestyle. It is not part of my wants, only part of my perceived “shoulds”.
From an energetic perspective “shoulds” drain my energy and always leave me feeling like I am lacking somehow. Have you noticed that in yourself?

After falling into a heap and thinking I had the worst case of tonsilitis ever, you can imagine my surprise when I was diagnosed with an illness that doesn’t just put you on your arse, but flat on your back in bed, unable to think clearly – and without the desire to think clearly! My body had taken the years of abuse (being pushed, late nights, thinking, planning, strategies, worrying, etc) and had slammed me as a final last ditch effort to get my attention!

I used to be a single mum. I have three kids. I was told by my ex husband to “work harder” when I asked him if he would cover some extra curricular sports the kids wanted to do and I wasn’t sure my budget would stretch for. Those small words, delivered such a punch to my gut, that they then became the driving force behind my determination to work work work and earn as much money as I can.
I never started my own business for the money. I started it because I have a particular technique that works and I wanted to help as many women as I could and work my own hours around my kids. The problem was that when I was single and had three little mouths to feed, it became about the money – and that’s where the internal conflict began to show its face.
In hindsight I can see very definite stages in my decline into this tired and worn-down version of myself, but it is hard to stop the momentum gathering when you are being pushed from behind by the words “work harder”.
I used to say “I will be successful just to spite him” and so I kept on pushing, letting this bitter energy feed itself over and over again at the cost of my vital chi or prana.

Okay so the lesson is learned, but my physical body now has a long road ahead to catch up to the spiritual lesson. When will it be over? Well my impatient soul wants to get on with it now – “yes lesson learned, now can I go back and earn money again”. Me thinks there is still a few months of healing to go yet (possibly more!)

What if we were to “work softer” and allow our internal guidance to speak to us? Middle aged men have epiphanies like this all the time – we call it a Mid Life Crisis and laugh it off, but it is happening at an increasing rate to middle aged women (oh god now I have this title too) who say “ENOUGH!!!” They have reared their kids to primary school or early high school. They have taken hardly any time off when the babies were born, for fear of financial strain (me) or sabotaging their career (many of my clients). They convince themselves it is fine “women in China give birth and go straight back to the rice paddy” (NO my dear, this is not good for you!) They also convince themselves that they can do everything “I don’t need any help, I got this!” and then they wonder why their zest for life has gone (or their lust for their partner.)

It’s our chi my love. Our chi is draining away in hours at the computer, deadlines, planning and improving our career. We aren’t taking the time to water the seeds in our seasonal garden. Did you know you have seasons in your life that need to be tended to in a different way? Without acknowledging the season we are in, and giving it all the love and attention and nutrients it needs, we can find that the harvest (sometimes years later) will not be as plentiful or impressive, or just plain rotten.

And that my dears is what is happening for me right now. I didn’t give myself time to heal after my babies were born. Out of fear I went straight back to work. In my case my work involves lots of giving out of my energy. Gladly I do this, but it has drained me. When I get home I give it out to my kids and partner. If it is not returned, or nurtured or replenished then what am I left with? I will tell you – I’m left with no chi! I’m left with a draining of my energy that leaves me cranky, easily irritated, short tempered, argumentative and a bit low. (Do you recognise these early warning signs?) Then I get more coughs and colds. I get intolerant to skin care and foods. I get more headaches. I feel sicker more often. I am exhausted by the end of a moderately busy week…and so it goes on.

SO what would have happened if I recognised my warning signs before they took hold and created the symptoms for a commonly known condition called glandular fever? (Because that’s all illnesses are – a collection of symptoms). I wouldn’t be in the dramatic predicament I find myself in now. I would have slowed down and rested more. And I would have realised I was spinning out of control earlier and got some help. That’s my big thing though – I don’t ask for help (or take it easily either). So there is a learning in how I choose to recover as well. I need to ask for help more and realise I am not weak, but allowing others to be strong for me. But that is a blog for another day.

So ladies (and I guess gents, if you are reading this far), I urge you to listen to your body when it is talking to you and saying “I don’t want to work harder”. You will no doubt find that you just need a few weeks of “working softer” to then come back into balance. You won’t lose your job – your boss probably won’t even notice – because working softer is a mindset. It’s an attitude adjustment. It isn’t about slacking off, it is about honouring self.

Which brings me to another point…..honouring self….lets discuss that next.

Until then, practice working softer, rest more often and laugh more.

04/04/2016

I am living the life I want!

Can you say that you are living the life you’ve always wanted, imagined, planned for and desired? Most people cannot honestly say that they are living the life they desire. And that makes me sad. Why? Because life is too short to be living less than an exceptional life.

Sure, “things happen” I hear you say, BUT if you are not creating the life you really want, then who will? There is little point watching “everyone else” live the life they are wanting, if you are just on the sidelines wishing and dreaming. Allowing circumstances to dictate your life to you will get you nowhere except depressed. The difference between the wishers & dreamers and the ones actually living the life of their dreams, is that they have taken action!

“ACTION turns your dreams into reality”

Action is the one thing that is simple and yet seems so difficult at the same time. So here are my steps to taking action:

1. Start writing a list of what you want

What you do with your life if money was no problem? Imagine you have won $100 million in the lottery. Give yourself permission to dream for 2 mins (set your phone timer) and just think about what you would do with yourself if money was no option! Make the list as audacious as possible, and don’t let your rational mind (the monkey mind) start to tell you that you are being ridiculous. Then after you buy all the “stuff” that you ‘think’ you need (like cars, houses, round the world holiday, give money to family etc) – write down what you would do with your life from then on.
For example; would you sit on a beach for the rest of your life? Would you travel to third world countries and volunteer? Would you start a hobby/biz? Would you work in an industry you have always wanted to? Would you go to Uni and get that law degree you always wished you had time to do? Would you teach fitness to oldies in nursing homes? Would you bake cookies? Would you be the person who offers free sunscreen spray on the beach on the Gold Coast?

The list you write will be very revealing to what it is that is actually inside you busting to get out!

2. Vision Board Creation

This is my favourite thing to do. When I am feeling like I need a change in my life I set aside about 4 hrs to create my Vision Board and then I enjoy the process of ‘feeling’ my dreaming. This step is important because when you start to get pictures of things you want to have or do in your life, then you can tap into the feeling sensations of actually what it would be like to experience these things. You may be surprised at how strong your feelings can be when you imagine having what you are wanting. But you may also be surprised when you are imagining what you “think” you want, and realise you don’t actually like the feeling of it! This will quickly help you to realise what is truly important to you and what actually is just a low level “want”. I call this being in your Zone of Desire. That place where the internal and real you starts to bubble to the surface. You will realise your higher level “wanting” and then begin to understand what your life purpose is.

So how do you start to get into that feeling space?
My suggestion is to select images of things that you want. I prefer to use magazines but more and more I will create collages on my laptop or phone – you can search millions of images online, making it easier to get EXACTLY the right image for what you are wanting. From here you take one pic at a time look at it, take in everything you can from that pic and then close your eyes. Take a deep breath in, and then imagine what it would be like to have or do what is pictured in the image you are holding. Notice what is around you. Notice WHO is around you. Notice the emotion and see if you can name it. Then see if you can feel the area in your body you are feeling the emotion most intensely. Don’t worry if this seems difficult at first. Just keep going through the process with each image you have chosen and you will gradually start to develop this feeling sense.

3. Reinforce your Vision Board with positive affirmations

You have probably practiced affirmations before, you may have read books or been to workshops and you may have decided “they don’t work” for you. LOL! How can speaking positively over your life not work for you? Look at it from a different angle: don’t speak the words to GET something, speak the words to LIVE something. Still confused? By speaking words of LIFE over yourself, (“My future is bright”, “I create my own reality” etc), rather than DEATH (“I never get what I want”, “I am always going to be poor”, “I will never have the relationship I want” etc) you create a doorway for positivity to walk through. BUT, you are never going to get what you want while you are still speaking negatively. It just doesn’t work that way, because negativity creates a block.

So here is your mission. Place you Vision Board in a prominent position in your home/workplace. Whenever you look at your Vision Board you instantly remember how good it felt to imagine having everything you see on the board. Remember the five senses being activated, and how excited you felt when you placed yourself into receiving what you are wanting. Then repeat this: “These things, or greater I have received”.

If you do this every day when you look at the Board you will soon start to see your life changing in the smallest – and sometimes the largest – of ways.

4. Mindset:

In my opinion it is always about mindset. Your life is going the way you have chosen in your mind to perceive it, and only YOU can change how you perceive it. If you believe that there is a limited supply of happiness, or abundance in the world, then guess what? You wont be receiving what you are wanting. But if you believe that life is what you make of it, that things continually work out for you, then your perception of the world will be different. Who would you rather be: Moody Megan and Pessimistic Peter, or Optimistic Olivia and Thankful Terry? Begin repeating your affirmation every day (prob more than once a day you will see your Board) and if you have even a small doubt trying to creep in like “I am never going to have that car”, then SMASH this negativity by repeating your affirmation three times to negate it! Your focus is that you will have what you are wanting, this or greater, and that YOU get to create the life you desire – no one else!

When I first started using Vision Boards I was often disillusioned by not getting what I pasted on my board quick enough. But I soon learned that “what you focus on, you become” and if I was focusing on happiness, excitement, love, beautiful things and experiences, then my life soon gave me these things – just not necessarily in the way I had imagined. I have a pic of a BMW X5 on my Board. Do I have it? Not yet!! But I know this isn’t about the car necessarily, more about the fact that I need a car that is SAFE, can fit all my kids and drives safely and feels comfortable. I currently drive a Territory – isn’t that all these things? So I say “thank you for my Territory” knowing that I will get a new car when it is the right time financially. Learning to be appreciative in the waiting is very important.

I will be writing more about Gratitude over the coming weeks. But for now, just be thankful for the house you have, the holidays you have been on, the clothes in your cupboard, the car you drive, the jewelry you own, the money you have, the health in your body, the people who love you. The rest will come, in the way it is meant to, in perfect timing, when you learn to identify what you WANT and combine your MINDSET to line up with it.

If you are in Sydney you are invited to practice getting in to the right mindset and learn what your core values are and how to line them up with what you are wanting. This workshop will give you the tools to create the life you desire.

Saturday 9 April 2.30pm-4.30pm
Cost: $97pp
FOR MORE INFO CLICK HERE

26/11/201526/11/2015

Do You Feel Disconnected from Those Around You?

Do you feel like you are standing on the outside,
looking in on your life?
Have you ever felt like you are numb to the
experiences you are having?
Do you feel all alone?

During our lifetime we experiences many ups and downs that make us feel disconnected at times to those around us – Is this you? In order to have a happy and peaceful life, it is necessary to feel a deep sense of connection to self and to others. Otherwise you are left feeling unsupported, and oftentimes scared and feeling lonely.

Feeling like you are facing life all on your own can be exhausting, and leave you feeling always drained of energy, or like there is no spark left in your body and mind. I have heard people describe it as like “walking through mud every day”. You KNOW you should be excited about life – you have everything you need most of the time – but something keeps holding you back.

Separation and Divorce (a bad relationship), death of a loved one, being fired or being forced to move towns/states/countries by circumstances, not living your passion and purpose, being in a job you despise can all make a person feel isolated emotionally and like no-one understands them, or could possibly know how they are feeling on the inside. Oftentimes well meaning people will encourage you to “look on the bright side” or say “chin up, it could be worse” which is no help to you at all! In fact it makes you feel WORSE.
These thoughts and feelings are an indicator that you have some trapped negative emotions stopping you from feeling supported, loved and a vital part of this world.

How can I help you?

I can access and release hidden Heart Walls that are preventing you from emotionally connecting to others, and being able to connect with yourself. Have you heard the phrase “the heart wants what the heart wants”? This means that you are led by the Heart’s desires – but what if you cannot trust your heart because of previous life experiences of hurts and you have created a wall of protection around your heart in order to ensure you NEVER GET HURT AGAIN?

Using my Emotion Code techniques I can identify your protective heart walls and remove them forever – painlessly and easily! You will feel more connected to those around you and more in-tune with yourself again – a very freeing feeling and putting you back in control of your life!

All of your behaviours and thoughts are controlled by your subconscious mind – when the negative emotions are removed, you will find that it is easier to make good choices and give up bad habits that have held you back.

Lose your Emotional Baggage today by making an appointment to have your Heart Walls and Trapped Emotions released FOREVER!

Make a booking for in-clinc or Skype consults by contacting me on the Wellness Consults page

21/08/2015

Do we expect too much from our men in the birthing suite?

As a prenatal massage therapist of nigh on twenty years, it has been my privilege to work with thousands of women in all stages of their pregnancies. Each woman is approaching the birth of her child (whether it be her first or fourth) with the same thoughts and sometimes worries, “how is it going to go?” and “I hope my man can cope”.

Birthing has traditionally been “women’s business”. The term ‘midwife’ is actually from the Old English original word being spelled ‘wif’, meaning woman and ‘mid’ meaning ‘with’. Therefore the word actually means “to be with a woman”. To be a midwife is to be with a woman during birthing. Therefore technically men can in fact be midwives, (so it shouldn’t be so unusual to meet a male midwife!) but just because they can, does it mean they should?

In the old days women laboured at home surrounded by close family members or friends and usually an experienced midwife. Meanwhile their husband would be shuttled away to another part of the house or yard, kept at a distance whilst their baby made their way into the world. Predominantly prior to the 1930’s birthing was usually out of a hospital attended by a female midwife. Increasingly in the latter part of the eighteenth century male physicians are reported to have begun attending births for the aristocracy in America and England.

As so often happens with “progress” common sense was left by the wayside, as it was only once labouring women were given access to hospital that women began to labour alone for long periods by themselves. Interestingly whilst they laboured alone in hospital beds, they were being cared for sporadically by midwives who were overseen by a male doctor. I remember talking to my grandmother about her birthing experience back in 1946 and she left me in open-mouthed disbelief as she recounted labouring alone on a hospital bed being told to “quiet down” as she muffled her birth noises with each contraction. Having attended a number of births myself, and gently massaging a labouring mama’s back, or whispering words of encouragement in her ear, I can only imagine the fear that my grandmother must have felt. To be alone, in pain and uncertain of the process of birth would have been more than I could have handled. There were no Dr Google searches or YouTube birthing videos to watch and prepare oneself back in the day. There was no “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” books or labouring techniques to read about. Women ventured into an unknown world of birthing with only the stories of other women to put the fear of God in their minds and hearts.

Once the pendulum began to swing the other way in the late 1960’s and 1970’s birthing with a partner in hospital started to become more common, which paved the way for a husband to begin to join in the action.

In some maternity waiting rooms lovingly referred to as “stork clubs” men have written journals of prayers (for a boy baby and the safety of their wife), emotions of anger and frustration at not knowing what was happening in the labour room, and reflections on what their life was going to be like moving forward. Men it would seem, even though they were now in the hospital, only had a foot in the door of the labour suite. Countless men feel useless and helpless in the birthing room, and just the pressure to grin and bear the experience. Some men even go so far as ensuring they are away for work, and “can’t get back in time” due to off shore postings or last minute emergencies. And for some this may just be a dreadful coincidence in bad timing, but for others it is a plausible excuse for not actually having to be in the room at all. (For more historical research see the work by J Leavett (2009) Make Room for Daddy).

Since the 1980’s when the overwhelming push to have men in the birthing rooms was at its peak (and subsequently became the norm), men found themselves in a pickle where they wanted to be there, but would prefer not to, but because it was “expected” they feel like they almost have no choice. Women these days expect and often demand their man to be in the room “just the two of us”, with thoughts of an intimate labour and delivery bonding the couple in birthing bliss. Delighting in the ability to enjoy back massages and diffused oils whilst gently swaying in a contraction-motivated movement to a carefully selected blend of the woman’s favourite music on their iPod.

In reality, unless the man is genuinely desiring to be in the birthing room, has a genuine interest and has read a lot about birth, attended a Calm Birth or Hypnobirthing class, he is probably ill-equipped for the noise, the blood and the intensity of emotion that is part and parcel of a birthing experience. A man who cannot appreciate the feminine power of a labouring woman, is probably not equipped for what he is walking into.

Many labouring women move from calm and well-mannered to a demanding ego maniac in the blink of an eye. “Get me ice”, “Massage here! Not there!” and even the most feminine and gentle of woman can be heard shouting expletives at her man just because he “got me into this situation!” Hormonal surges, increasing contractions, perceived bitchy midwives, doctors that are running late, “non-one is listening to me”, anaesthetists that don’t know how to move quickly and drugs that “don’t even work”, are all reasons why a mild mannered labouring woman will suddenly grow devil horns and get very very angry. For a man, it can be hard to see his partner in this state, when the natural urge he has is to “fix it”.

This is why I ask the question “do we expect too much of our men in the birthing suite?”

The role of a woman is to harness her feminine power and to naturally move with the ebbs and flows of her body’s unique rhythm. She will express delight and annoyance, as powerfully as she needs to in order to ride the timed wave of contraction after contraction.

The role of her supporters and midwife or doula is to gently respond, move, remain calm and to offer grace in all the emotions she will no doubt experience as her body and spirit unite to birth this baby. Without this firm circle of supporters, a birthing woman can experience fear in all its forms, which is known to increase pain sensations, induce panic, reduce blood flow to baby and cause all manner of complications that upset the natural rhythm. Traditionally it has been easier for a woman to be attended by women who embrace their feminine energy and offer grace to one of their own.

A man in the birthing room is required to embody his masculine energy. He needs to stand at the door and take a breath in, knowing he cannot make the woman’s experience anything different from what it will be: a masterpiece of life showing the awe and wonder and power in one birthing woman. For a man to want to witness this, I commend him. But for a man wanting to “change” something, whether it is to medicate and remove the pain from contractions, or to oppose experienced medical advice, or to dictate to the woman “what she needs” I would beg to argue. In my opinion a man is required to stand still and breathe as the woman dances around him in her mysteriously feminine ways. He is to guide her as she wails against the deepening contractions and to hold firm when she declares she has nothing left. He is to be her sounding board and her rock, her safe space to cry and her sure place to rest.

So how does he do that?

By resisting the urge to “fix her pain” or to take away her suffering, and to watch in awe as she navigates this rite of passage into motherhood. Sure he can hold her while she is racked with another wave of intensity, and he can feel her shake uncontrollably as she lets her body move with the force of nature doing her thing. But he is not to get angry, impatient or demanding, nor fight against nature in her full power, but to remain calm and supportive throughout.

Can a man be expected to resist his (un) natural state, and embrace his masculine power in equal measure to his woman’s feminine display? I would ask the same of a woman – can she be expected to resist her (un) natural urge to “get rid of this pain!” or to “go home” and to embrace the flow of energy moving through her body bringing her baby into the world?

Only with wisdom from experienced birthing support people such as doulas or midwives or friends, or family who know the true value of stepping into their own power. Through reading birthing wisdom and practice of meditation and stillness, through quiet reflection on what it means to birth a child, from listening to stories, from watching others, and from an open hearted attitude to the experience of birth as a rite of passage rather than something needing to be endured and forgotten.

Can a man be in the birthing room? Of course. But the real question is does he want to be, and can he allow himself to become his masculine form as his woman becomes her exquisite feminine expression?

How do you recognise your wild woman?