Feeling numb, disconnected, exhausted, apathetic, resentful? Perhaps life is feeling like it is too hard, and like it is always an uphill battle?
When you are disconnected from your soul, in two or many pieces, it can feel like the life you knew or always thought you would have is never going to eventuate.
Some refer to this as a dark night of the soul, but it is a deeper and more intense experience than this. When the soul begins to fragment, you are as a greater risk of losing yourself altogether and it is a long journey home to retrieve all these parts you have lost.
In traditional counseling/ psychology terms, we would call it an existential crisis whereby a person may be catapulted into questioning “why am I here” or “what is this all for?” out of a response to a significant life change (such as divorce, death of a partner, loss of a job, global pandemic). However, it goes deeper than a mere “mid-life crisis” or a questioning, when the soul has fragmented. It goes to a place of questioning (at least unconsciously) “why do I exist?” or even “do I exist?”
The degree to what one will experience when one’s soul has fragmented is determined in part by the degree to how much has indeed fragmented or split. But also, it will depend on which parts have split from the whole and how much this will cause turmoil or angst in the person experiencing it.
How does a soul fragment?
Pain, trauma, neglect, abuse, arguments, ungroundedness, mental health issues, ADHD, constant anxiety, phobias, history of depression – can all influence the degree to which a person will experience soul fragmentation. A pattern of coping will always be the first sign that soul fragmentation has begun: drinking, drugs, and risky behaviour (the usual suspects in younger years). One-off situations can cause soul fragmentation, however, it is more likely that it will be repeated behaviours that lead to the most destruction. This is why it is so hard to get off the merry-go-round once it has gained momentum.
These poor choices may extend into unstable employment, possibly lead to crime, or at the very least, making very poor choices that result in consequences that are difficult to move through, let alone past.
Then what happens is you forever need to re-face the shame, and guilt associated with poor choices that were resultant from the depth of pain, despair, anger, frustration, guilt you were feeling back then, in that moment that you made poor choices to begin with.
The cycle is vicious and never-ending and will inevitably lead to more parts of yourself splitting and detaching from the whole of who you are.
The whole is made up of the sum of its parts
In order to understand the “whole,” let me explain who you are. You are an energetic being that is having an experience in this body, in this world, in this lifetime. You are a celestial accident with odds at 1 in 102,685,000 that you exist. However, here you are!
We experience Deja Vu (when you feel like you’ve been somewhere before), you shiver (did someone really walk all over your grave?), you have inherent skills that you’re good at without any training (I was always good at massage therapy, right from when I was young – with no idea why I “knew” how to treat pain, I just “knew”). Some of you are inherently intuitive. You know things. And coincidences always happen to you. Some of you have such bad luck all the time. Like it follows you around. And some have felt extremely blessed like everything they touch turns to gold (I once worked with a client who told me he’d fucked a fairy. He was a multi-millionaire.)
I have worked with hundreds of clients and taken them through past life regressions or seen their past lives through their healing sessions. I “know” there is more than one life we get to live – because I have seen it and heard people re-telling their stories with passion, emotion, and great detail (to which they are super surprised – it blows their minds!)
And this is how I know that we have many parts of our souls that make up the whole of who we are.
The fragmenting
We come into this life with unfinished business – or unresolved energy – from another lifetime. Sometimes that lifetime is on this earth, and sometimes it isn’t. I believe some of the inherent skills are not accumulated in this earthly place. These skills are from another dimension. The more negative aspects – the ‘bad karma’, the unlucky, the poor circumstances, the destruction, the pain – I believe this is unresolved energy from another earthly lifetime. And these energies can cause a lot of pain in this lifetime and ultimately be a vehicle to learn many lessons if you want to.
When a person begins to fragment parts of their soul, it is due to an unacceptance of the energy they hold and what lessons need to be learned to resolve it. It is usually painful to resolve the energy. And this is why we resort to alcohol, sex, drugs, risky behaviour, and choosing the wrong partners – it is all part of the drama that keeps you distracted from the soul pain you are feeling in the first place. It is impossible to resolve soul energy when you are distracted in the earthly ‘pleasures’ (or pains).
The further you go into the pain of this lifetime, the harder it becomes to turn things around because you have begun to split from the initial “whole” you entered this world as. It then becomes a quest or a soul journey to find your way back to all of who you are. Not leaving any part behind – even the parts you wish weren’t there. This is the hardest part – complete self-acceptance.
The Parts
The parts of you make up are all who you are. And to wish some of them didn’t exist, or to banish those parts and pretend they don’t exist is the ultimate disservice and self-hatred. A large part of the healing journey will require that you accept all those parts of you – even the ones you are ashamed of – and to welcome them back with loving arms. This can take years or a lifetime. Or never. It will ultimately determine your happiness or contentment. This explains why some people can have everything you could imagine but still be depressed and deeply unhappy.
Some parts will be easy to accept – like your generous heart, ability to make people feel comfortable, solution-focused mind, and inherent ability to see the good in people. But other parts, such as your emotional reactivity, your anger towards your parents, your judgments, your proclivities, your fantasies, your biases, will be less palatable to accept.
You will make unconscious choices from these less-palatable parts. You will do things or say things that you are not proud of. If you keep doing them, you will experience the consequences. And it often doesn’t feel good. This feeling of shame or regret will then propel you to keep making bad choices or say things that arent in alignment with your highest good and purpose. And so you fall further short of where you “think” you should be.
Its a slippery slope.
So how do you stop sliding and come back to alignment? (please read on, but promise me you will have patience for yourself in this!)
How to come back home to yourself
The first step is that you are aware that you are sliding, or on the roller coaster of doom. YOU have to notice that life isn’t turning out how you expected it to. Or the way you think it “should”. From here, you can notice what your unconscious expectations have always been. Counselors will often get you into your childhood because we can uncover the schemas you are measuring and living your life by. It’s an interesting journey to mentally re-investigate. However, it is only half the story.
You have to begin soul-retrieval practices that call those parts of you home that have fragmented and left the safety and sanctity of the whole of all that you are.
This process can take months, years or even a lifetime. And it is not for the faint-hearted. There will be pain. It is inevitable, however, most humans are averse to pain and try to avoid it at all costs (remember the alcohol, drugs, and risky behaviours!)
I suggest that when you are ready to begin the process of soul retrieval, you connect with a healer to help support you on the journey. Give yourself some time – usually 12 weeks is a good amount of time to begin with – that you will allow your focus to be on this one particular area of your spiritual journey. Invest in a journal. Dedicate time each day for spiritual practice. And always finish your day by calling back your soul fragments before you go to sleep.
How you do this, and what you do is entirely up to you. Your Soul already knows what you need in order to recover your Parts, but your mind may want a particular routine or structure to follow.
Gratitude Journalling
A deeper practice of soul retrieval can come through daily gratitude journalling. This is a well-researched practice, that has been proven to improve mood stability, a sense of greater meaning and purpose. This gentle act of self love every day can help you to improve your ability to focus on that which is important to you, and that which brings you joy. The more you train your conscious mind to focus on the good things, the more you will notice the good things (no matter how small they may be).
Belle has created a Gratitude Journal that coaches you through the process over a period of weeks or months.
The Practice:
Upon waking:
“I call in all parts of me that have fragmented and not returned home after my sleep”
Within 1hr of waking:
Journal about what your goals for the day are (spend 5mins)
Within 1hr of sleeping:
practice gentle breathwork and yin yoga to prepare the body for sleep (10-30mins)
Spend a few moments contemplating what you are grateful for on this day
As you close your eyes:
“I now call all parts of me that have fragmented and ask that they return to the unity of all that I am. May all parts of me be held by my higher consciousness as I return to myself.”
Need more help?
To get started, simply book a healing session and together you will create a plan that your soul can settle into and find comfort within. Including bespoke meditations, yoga and breathwork practices.
