Month: October 2014

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Relationships: Man vs Woman

Written by Dr. Caroline Leaf.

Relating with members of the opposite sex can be frustrating and difficult, but it doesn’t have to be. Successful relationships begin in the mind (which seeks understanding) and, through the choices we make, will end in the Spirit (which knows truth). In my book, “Who switched off your brain? The mystery of he said/she said”, I show the three C’s of relationships:

We are designed to complete each other and not compete with each other. We are compatible. We are complimentary.

Men and women have been created to complement one another through their own unique strengths; we are exponentially better together. This goes for husband/wife, father/daughter, mother/son, personal and professional relationships.

It does not take PhD to know men and women are not the same – we don’t think the same, talk the same or act the same. These differences aren’t a result of our environments and our upbringing, they’re built in by design, God’s design. As it say in Genesis 1:27, “He made male and female in His image.”

The video clip below from a series I did at Victory world church in Atlanta, highlights some of these points that I discuss in depth in my book “Who switched off your brain? The mystery of he said/she said”. More than a marriage series, it is filled with key insights that will help you better understand the often mysterious behavior of the opposite sex, and practical tips that will quickly improve your relationships! That book is also available as a digital download.

You are you and your express your uniqueness through your maleness and your femaleness, and you will be interacting with the opposite sex daily whether you like it or not! So in order to not get toxic in our minds, we need to understand each other and target that struggle! In doing so we increase our intelligence, health and longevity!

Why is this important? Here is a sobering thought: research shows that couples that have especially sarcastic and argumentative discussions heal 40% slower than those who don’t. And we all want to be healthy! So let’s start the holiday season with great relationships and thanksgiving in our hearts!

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Health & Somatic Wellness

I want to talk about a technique I use sometimes with clients that I refer to as Somatic Wellness.

Somatic therapy was used by psychologist Wilhelm Reich (1897-197) who laid the foundations of what he called “body psychotherapy”. He found in his clinical work as an analyst working with psychologist Sigmund Freud (1856 – 1936) that attitudes were embodied and revealed themselves in posture, subtle movements, muscle tone and breathing patterns. He came to see that conflicts and stress both past and present become encoded in the structure of the body in the form of muscle tensions, restricted breathing patterns and habitual thinking processes and that discussing problems with a regular therapist was not always the way to resolve them.

The way someone communicates with language and in posture is an indication of unconscious processes. A body/mind massage therapist encourages a gentle curiosity to the “how” of communications in addition to heeding the content. By slowly guiding awareness to direct experience of oneself and especially to bodily communication, or simply by bringing awareness to tensions and holding patterns without forcing something to happen or change, there will be a release of restrictions.

This release gives a sense of more space inside the body, and within daily life there will be more choice and flexibility. Sometimes the release of tensions or letting the breath move into restricted areas of the body will be accompanied by memories, images or emotions connected with past events. There may be sadness, anger, shame, humiliation or a long forgotten joyful moment.

Often in finding these emotions there is a relief and sense of coming home or back into balance. The presence of a massage therapist who understands the body/mind connection and shares the experience of the client’s past and present suffering is in itself healing.

It is my belief that the body moves naturally towards healing and self-regulation, and that my job is to foster conditions of safety, acceptance and kindness towards my clients in order for healing to occur. As the body and its energy moves more freely, the possibility for deeper journeying arises.

Somatic Wellness is something that has evolved in my clinical practice over many years of observation, and intuitive listening. The body is a phenomenal creation to me, and as such each client is viewed with a sense of awe and wonder as they enter my clinic space. Be assured that the practice of Somatic Wellness is not experienced with all clients at all times. It is definitely not something that is forced, but happens more organically. I often refer to it as Emotional Release.

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Observations of the Emotional Stages of Pregnancy

When working with pregnant women, it is important to remember they are not only going through immense physical changes, but emotional and spiritual ones too.
 
Primarily my focus when working with pregnant women is to relieve muscular aches and pains, so that they can regain the joy of their pregnancy. Pain is known to steal the joy out of anyone’s life, but it can be even more acute and devastating for a pregnant woman. Where women are surrounded with images and stories of how precious and joyful the nine or so months of pregnancy can be, it can impose guilt and feelings of loss when a woman finds that she indeed does not like her pregnant state and longs for it to be over.
 
When receiving a call or meeting a pregnant woman in clinic for the first time I usually hear similar stories and details of their experience dependent on how far along they are in their pregnancy.
 
When receiving an initial phone call I often get the impression of seeing them searching the internet frantically for a prenatal massage therapist, someone who actually specialises in this technique. i hear the relief in their voice when they realise I understand and know exactly how to help them. Its not that I am some sort of guru in pregnancy complaints, it’s that with experience you can begin to see a pattern emerging.

Prior to 20 weeks:
When I receive a call in the first half of a pregnancy I know the woman is more than likely experiencing moderate to severe lumbar pain and usually there is a history of this condition, more commonly caused by injury. Pregnant women are anxious at this point and feelings of fear creep in, should they “only get worse” as their pregnancy progresses. Never have I had a case where I felt that they were in for a very bumpy ride, with issues that I cannot assist.
 
In this case it is usually a great sense of fear and trepidation that the pain will keep getting worse the bigger their belly becomes. Fear has a way of highlighting pain and making it seem much worse.
 
In these circumstances I try to reassure the woman firstly that their aches and pains do not necessarily increase as their bump grows. More often than not they need some gentle remedial stretching and massage through the gluteal (buttock) area in order to release the major muscles that pull on the lumbar area.
 
I also advise on strengthening and stretching the lumbar, hips and thigh areas in order to create freedom of movement and encourage blood flow and energy flow – basically  to avoid stagnation of blood circulation and flow of the nervous system.

Equipping the woman with something she can do to assist her body gives her power – something which she feels may be taken away as her nausea creeps in, the belly grows, and her body may feel more aches and pains.
 
Approximately 24wks:

When I receive desperate phone calls from women at this stage of their pregnancy, it usually to report pain in the Symphysis Pubis and Sacro-Iliac joint areas. The pelvis is becoming more unstable as the pregnancy hormones prepare the ligaments for ease of movement in labour. Unfortunately with the ligaments becoming more loose, in some women it means pain can become almost unbearable.
 
I always take these signs and symptoms very seriously.
 
Again the woman is usually full of fear and dread about how much more intense the pain may become as the pregnancy progresses. Strengthening and stretching is still part of my treatment protocol, as well as education about standing, sitting, rolling over in bed, sexual positioning and seeing a specialist physio to have a “belly belt” fitted.
 
Be assured that regular massage has been proven to reduce pain and discomfort in the back and legs (Field, T 1999) and therefore even though the pain will not totally disappear, it can be minimised.
 
28wks:
 
The majority of my clients call when they are approximately 28weeks. I imagine them sitting at their computer at work feeling tight, big and cumbersome, rubbing their lower back and thinking to themselves “…I need to find a massage therapist who can take this pain away…”. Almost always they say that they have pain in their lower back or that they have sciatic pain, but when I ask “…is the pain in your buttocks?” I hear a sigh of relief that they have reached someone who actually understands the real location of their pain. Unless they have a history of injury to their lumbar spine, or have had sciatica before, it is usually a condition known as Pelvic Instability Pain that is causing them grief.
 
Again, in this instance it is important to ease her fears and talk about how to gently engage the abdominal muscles; do pelvic floor exercises daily and be aware of limiting standing or sitting for prolonged periods of time.

Many women say to me “I told my partner to massage me, but he’s hopeless!”  OR “…that is exactly the the right spot where the pain is…”
 
33-35wks:
 
Usually I have seen a client one to two times by the time they come for a massage at 33-35 weeks. This is a period that is intensely emotional for the pregnant woman and almost all my clients at this stage will cry at the beginning of a massage when I ask them how they are feeling! This leads me to believe that there is a hormonal surge, which brings with it feelings of exhaustion, frustration and hesitation towards staying pregnant another 7-9 weeks. My clients will often say that they want the baby out anyday now, and that they are “over it”.
 
If I meet a pregnant woman in the street and we get to talking I can almost guarantee she is 33-35wks just by the way she talks. It is a very emotional period, which thankfully seems to be transient.
 
Massage treatments during this period are always more gentle and focused on sedating the nervous system rather than assisting the body to heal aches and pains by remedial techniques. I will often spend time on the feet and the scalp to promote deep relaxation and give the client time to experience their body in totality rather than focusing on the areas that are painful most of the time.
 
36wks-40wks:
 
From here until the due date I find that my clients gain a renewed vitality and inner peace and begin to look forward to their birthing experience. Unless my clients go over their due date, 36-40wks is a time where they nest, have time off from work, usually get some time to have a pedicure and a wax and have “one last massage or two” before baby comes. These last weeks are wonderful for both the therapist and client as there is a different energy within the massage and we often speak of hopes and dreams for labour and beyond. It can be very rewarding emotionally for me during this period, as I catch the vibe of the pregnant mother.
 
Post Due-Date:
 
After 40wks my clients are tired, depressed with thoughts of induction or possible c-section and feeling like their baby will never arrive. With this in mind I offer to perform an induction massage that utilises pressure points which are known for their stimulating effect on the uterus. I believe it is always important to reassure the woman that baby will come in their own timing and nothing I do will force nature’s hand. I can only give things a nudge. I employ the same techniques as for 33-35wks, gentle nurturing work, with the added pressure points and use lots of deep soothing strokes.
 
These are my observations from working with pregnant women for almost sixteen years.
 
I do think there is a pattern that becomes unique to each therapist as she brings her particular style and energy to each treatment.
 
It is my hope that instead of feeling overwhelmed; my pregnant clients will feel supported and have a renewed sense of energy and control over their pregnancy. The stages I have outlined above are transient, so too will be the pregnant woman’s mood and joy.
 
As in all things, life moves and changes constantly; pregnancy is just another stage of life, and one that can be enjoyed and welcomed given the right advice, guidance and support. Being a massage therapist who specialises in this field, allows me to support each woman in the way they need at that particular time.
 
Find the right therapist for you:
 
When looking for a massage therapist during your pregnancy,be sure to ask her how she approaches each client; what her experience is; why she is practicing this speciality and most of all how she would treat your particular concerns. Interview your prospective therapist well, as we are all different and all bring a unique approach to our profession. Massage therapy is like a dance between client and therapist – getting the right “fit” is just as important as having the “gift of touch”.
 
I have detailed above the common stages and experiences that my clients present with, in the hope that you will know you are not alone and not the first woman to feel the way you do.
 
Perhaps you are feeling something different?
 
Feel free to comment on this blog and share your story with us.

References:
 
Field, T., Hernandez-Reif, M., Hart, S., Theakston, H.,Schanberg, S., Kuhn, C. & Burman, I.(1999). Pregnant women benefit from massage therapy. Journal of PsychosomaticObstetrics & Gynecology, 20, 31-38. 

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The Stress – Body Pain – Sugar Connection

In my clinic I have observed that the majority of my clients:

  • Suffer from daily/ weekly / monthly bouts of sore neck, shoulders and headache pain.
  • Report their unstoppable “addiction” to sugar, (or chocolate more specifically) in times of stress.
  • Detail their constant feeling of being overwhelmed, stressed, or just plain exhausted in their daily life.

This got me thinking…….is there a connection?

As a massage therapist, I see the results of not breathing correctly and the effect it has on one’s posture, mind and emotions. When we shallow breathe, we engage the muscles of the front of our neck, and over use the upper chest / pectoral muscles. This inevitably leads to tension in these muscles from chronic overuse. This then affects the upper back and shoulders muscles (rhomboids and trapezius muscles) and we feel intense pain in between our shoulder blades, and across the top of the shoulders. You may even end up looking like your shoulders are always up around your ears. You may even feel like you have “the weight of the world on your shoulders”.

Take a moment to press gently into the space just above your collarbone. Is it tight and resistant? Does it hurt if you press deeply (go easy!)? This could be a sign that you are not breathing deeply, and are in a constant state of stress (even if you don’t “feel stressed”.) Deep Tissue Massage helps to gently but firmly assist in releasing stressed and tight muscles, to allow them to become more pliable.

Those that have experienced Deep Tissue Massage may remember being coached to breathe deeply while the massage is taking place. This helps to give these muscles a rest from their normal “shallow breathing job” and give the muscles of the diaphragm their proper time and space to do their work! This massage technique encourages deep relaxation as your mind is focused simply on breathing deeply through the tight muscles.

Stress is known to cause headaches, light-headedness, shallow breathing, feelings of tiredness, cold hands and feet, jaw grinding, general body pain, increased thoughts of worry and anxiety. Not to mention tummy pain and IBS, reflux and heartburn.

Sugar, specifically Fructose is connected to both stress and shallow breathing, (Sweet Poison Gillespie D, 2007 Penguin Group).

Fructose is found primarily in ripe fruits, which is why it is called “fruit sugar”. It is present in honey, maple syrup and agave syrup. Look at any packaged cereal, or muesli bar or yoghurt in your kitchen and you are sure to find it on the label somewhere. It is literally in almost everything these days!

Fructose has been linked with heart disease, stroke, PCOS, infertility, depression and anxiety, IBS, general body pain plus more.

When you eat foods that contain Fructose, it literally elevates the Cortisol levels in your bloodstream. The “stress-hormone” – Cortisol- is released by the body in periods of threat, whether they are physical or mental. Our body is meant to cycle through periods of calm, then high stress, then recovery, then peace, and then high stress and so on. The high stress state is meant to be fleeting. However for most, it is almost constant, which creates a state of imbalance in the body, resulting in general pain, headaches, muscle tension plus heaps more.

Most people I know spend the majority of their waking moments in the high stress phase, and almost never recover. Most of the people I know feel hurried, stressed, overwhelmed and “just coping” most of the time.

It is important to learn how to recover after a period of high stress, whether it is daily or weekly, that is separate from reaching for the chocolate or something else that is sweet, in order to move beyond your frustrations.

Learning to breathe deeply can be of immense help. Getting stuck in traffic may put you over the edge – why not count your deep inhalations until the traffic moves again? A colleague may push your buttons at the morning meeting, but instead of having another coffee with two sugars, make yourself practice “belly breathing” when you get a moment to yourself.

This seemingly simple plan helps you to recover from the initial stress of the situation, and then move beyond it for the rest of the day.

A daily or weekly meditation session could help you to finally release all that pent up anger / aggression / hostility / bitterness in a deeper way.

So if you breathe shallowly, have sore muscles, tummy issues, heart problems, weight issues, and a racing mind, sugar and stress could be said to be partly (or wholly) to blame for it!

An integrated approach to healing your body and mind is the best way to better health.
Here are my tips:

  • Learn how to relax. From here you can better listen to your body and respond when you feel pain, or just “off”.
  • Treat yourself with things you like doing, (not with food, which is usually a sweet item that will further exacerbate the problem). This is where deep tissue massage and relaxation and meditation classes all come into play. A walk on the beach, or lying in a hammock with a good book is also an option!
  • And finally, stop reaching for sweet things when you are happy, tired, sad, bored, worried or sick! Give your body some time to rest, repair and heal itself from the constant demands of your busy lifestyle.

Of course, if you are suffering with health problems it is always a good idea not to self-diagnose, but see your naturopath or GP. Don’t talk to Dr Google, because you may get the wrong advice!